What if God had an answering machine?
I have learned to live with answering machines as a necessary part of
modernization. But I have often wondered- what if God decided to install an
automated answering machine?
Imagine praying and hearing this: "Thank you for calling 'My Father's House'.
Please select one of the following four options: Press 1 for a request. Press 2 for
a thanksgiving. Press 3 to complain. For all other inquiries, press 4."
You press 1 and hear: " We're sorry. Due to heavier than expected volume,
please try your call again later. Your business is important to us."
What if God used the familiar excuse: " All of the angels are helping other
customers right now. Please stay on the line. Your call will be answered in the
order it was received."
Can you imagine these kinds of responses as you "call on God" in prayer?
If you'd like to speak with Gabriel, press 1 For Michael, press 2 For any other
angel press 3.
To receive the latest promotional gift with your order from Paradise Parlor,
press 0 and an operator will assist you.
To find out how many angels dance on the head of a pin, press 5. If you'd like
King David to sing a psalm, press 6.
To find out if your relative is here, enter his/her date of death and listen for the
list that follows. For reservation information or to confirm your reservation at
"My father's House", press the letters J-O-H-N, followed by the numbers 3-1-6.
To know what your pastor is doing at the moment, press 7. For answers to
nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth, and where Noah's Ark
is, wait till you get here.
"If you want to know what I think of American politics, don't press anything.
Hang up and listen for laughter. Our computers show that you have called once
today already. Please hang up immediately. "This office is closed for the
weekend. Please call on Monday."
Thank God you can't call him to often. You only need to ring once and God
hears you. Because of Jesus, you never get a busy signal. God takes each call
personally. He knows each caller personally. Best of all, God often calls us.
Are you waiting for his call or will your answering machine talk to him? If you
listen carefully, you will hear music in the background and God singing, I just
called to say I love you! I just called to say how much I care...."
- Article by Rev. Paul Kummer
pastor of the Grace Lutheran Church
Destin, Fl.
