A man was walking on the sidewalk and noticed up ahead that Little Johnny was wearing a red fireman's hat and sitting in a red wagon. It appeared that the wagon was being pulled very slowly by a large German Shepherd. When he got closer to the lad, he noticed that Little Johnny had a rope tied around the dog's testicles, which probably accounted for why the dog was walking so gingerly.
Smiling, he spoke to the little boy, "That's really a nice fire engine you have there, son. But I'll bet the dog would pull you faster if you tied that rope around his neck."
"Yeah, sure" Little Johnny replied, "but then I wouldn't have a siren."
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Little Johnny's teacher was asking all the kids in the class what their parents did for a living.
Little Mary got up and said "My Dad is a pilot, and my Mommy is an architect."
"Great" said the teacher.
Michael got up and said " My Dad is a Doctor, and my Mom is a housewife."
" Good" said the teacher.
Johnny was last in the class and when he got up he said:" My Mommy, she is a substitute."
Knowing better about his background and always striving to correct the kids, the teacher said, "You mean she is a Prostitute."
"No," said Johnny," my sister, she is the Prostitute, but when she does not feel well, my Mommy substitutes."
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One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!"
Then, the teacher called on little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just beautiful!'"
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At Sunday school, the teacher asked little Johnny, "Do you know where little boys and girls go when they do bad things?" "Sure," little Johnny replied. "They go out in back of the church yard."
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One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell me what fruit I'm talking about."
"Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red." Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely, ignored him and picked Jenny, who promptly answered "An apple."
"No Jenny, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now, for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish." Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy."Is it a peach?"
"No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like you're thinking. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard."
By now, Johnny is about to expolde as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally. "A banana," she says. "No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking."
Jonny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and it's got a head on it."
"Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"
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Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls," and would his mother, "please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this."
So Johnny's mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door. "First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse..." So he unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.
"Ok, now take off my skirt..." and he takes off her skirt. "Now take off my bra..." which he does. "And now, Johnny, please take off my panties." And when Johnny finishes removing those, she says, "Johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school any more!"
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