Frogg42337's Journal
I've listened to the clock ticking tonight for hour upon hour, with sleepless heavy eyes that i can't seem to shut with out faces looming before me in the darkness. Ana's (as i choose to give her a name and personality) voice mingles among my own deep inside my mind contaminating my thoughts. I've tried tonight to save my sanity, to sort out the issues that haunt me and have done so from the time i can remember. Perhaps the disorder began with my very first experience with abandoment and verbal abuse at an early age. Only to be furthered by sport and isolation and what not. I blame the past like a child. I should let that go and move on something easier said than done. I didn't realize how tiring this has become, how exhausted I've become. For the first time i saw the concern on my "sisters'" faces (for the lack of family, i've somehow established one)
I want to appologize for hurting them and everyone else. I want nothing more than to please them and make up for all the pain that i've given them. It was never my intent to hurt anyone else other then myself. you must understand that i deserve nothing more than pain...it's punishment for all my wrongs committed and yet to come. I only wish that I could find a way to let ana over take me without you stepping in the way. I see the worry and stress in your face now as you wonder if i truly may die, i know my words echo now in you're head...i'm fine....those words echo in my own head hollow with lack of rational thought. I'm sorry to all those who truly cared...i never meant to hurt you...it is only an unpleasant side effect of this evil choking disease. Please forgive me.
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