Closet Smoking

The most dangerous thing though is smoking. I started when I was twelve, I'm a tall girl and in the early 60's we knew that smoking would stunt your growth. Thats all I remember being told. Well I had the problem of being taller than all the boys in my grade so to be shorter was a God send. Smoke I thought, I'll stop growing and maybe all the good looking boys will catch up with me.

Much to my surprise the smoke was getting to me 35 years later. I watched my grandmother suffer with emphysema. At the young age of twelve, My best friend aka next door neighbor and I did a lot of hanging around together. The best that I can remember is that living near the railroad tracks gave us a place to *get away* from prying eyes. Mother smoked Chesterfields and her Mom smoked PallMall. I really can't remember who first came up with the idea to smoke. Perhaps she would blame me it's been nearly 40 years ago at least. I on the other hand I would like to blame her.

Never the less we smoked and I sorta remember the first try.. I think we were hiding under the Railroad Viaduct, so scared someone would see us.. we shared puffs ..and Yes I felt green, dizzy.. sick to my stomach! But the next day came and we took that walk down the tracks with another stolen cigarette,Matches, and we Smoked again.. It wasn't always so easy to steal cigs, we took turns one day we smoked Chesterfield the next time it would be PallMall. we were getting to be really good at it. Our mothers, I don't think had a clue about what sorta thieves their darling daughters had become.

We continued to smoke and most all of our friends smoked so the main thing was to keep it low key and not let "grown ups" see us lighting up.

Why doesn't it surprise me to now find out how wrong I was? Why did I think as a youngster that my mind made up was the wrong decision?

Now years are gone by, older but not wiser...because My mind tells me to drop the habit that so many years took to develop, yet I believe it's my body that says NO.. Or is it the other way around? Perhaps it's my body that begs me to break the habit, and my mind that says NO!

So this is where the first Closet Smoking began for me. At the time I didn't look at it as that but now when I look back thats exactly what it was. When you feel the need to Hide your smoking habit, Perhaps something is wrong here? Why would you care what others think? Are you being nagged to death? A much worse death than smoking itself? Stop to think for just one minute....... There, I know thats all the time you need to think about it.. What can be done now is the question?

I have heard many stories about Closet smoking, It's a fate we put upon our selves. How can this habit be broken? Do you find yourself hiding your habit? Do you want to find more and more excuses to be alone? Just so you can have that cigarette? Doesn't it feel lonely? You wait for the ones who love you to leave for the day, or you find a way to leave for just a short while like perhaps going out for milk? Really, its an excuse to smoke without being seen? Do you watch out the window for fear someone may catch you? Find your self washing up more often than not? Sure I know theres nothing wrong with washing , but what is your reason? A quick soap across your face, brush your teeth, mouthwash, This has nothing to do with being clean.. You are hiding, ...Hiding what you know has been hurting you for years. Nothing can help you now, or is there help? You will find your self IN the closet more often than not. You will be making more and more excuses to be alone. Just so you can have just one more smoke.

Lonely aren't you? Perhaps afraid of what the outcome may bring? Yes You should be afraid!!

Someone coming out of the closet doesn't necessarily mean what you think. They were in there smoking. :-(

Support groups, Yes I'm a firm believer in them. Who better understands what your feeling than someone else who feels the same thing? Never keep to yourself when someone may have advise, or just a listening ear? No need to suffer alone.

I have found a couple sites on line that may be of some help too you. Better health has support groups for just about anything imaginable, including smoking. Or shall I say Quit smoking help? Another one is Quit Net Friends you'll make to talk, exchange ideas well just plain support one another. BACK HOME * My smoking door is a reminder as too how dangerous smoking is to your well being, A Dear Friend built this door for me his home page to follow soon! Thank you Andro *hugs* :-) My work buddy Nancy told me what to expect with closet smoking, you see she lived it.. Now Nancy is two years free from this Nico-Demon! Good Going Nancy! I also would like to thank my husband Patrick for sticking by me during my fall.

A true Letter, names have been changed thsi girl still smokes.

This is a spunky ole buddy of ours that had a stroke and still wanted to talk so me and two of my sisters got her web TV so she could bs with other people on line and she is very sweet. She would always be writing down stuff on paper and just wanted to communicate with others. Life is tough at times eh?

I was talking to Donna, and she told me that Anna's artery the one they just operated on is plugged up again. God I am so sorry to hear that! She told me her mouth droops on one side from the surgery. If she has a stroke, because of no blood flow to her brain she will not survive it. The brain is made up of fatty acids, and water. She needs to be drinking three gallons of water a day, and eating fish every meal. Salmon, cod, Mackerel, and tuna. Oily fish . She needs to drink a high fiber drink twice a day to get that Cholesterol out of her body like medimuscel, as it binds the cholesterol to it, and than flushes it out of the body in the increased bm's. It does not look good for her does it? To not live in the body is to live with God. I think we all need to get on our knees, and pray for Anna as she needs a miracle from God. Her brain will slowly die without a blood flow to it. There is no pain usually in the brain. When I had my stroke all I felt was a strange sensation, than my speech went funny and I felt woozy, and wanted to lay down. But one thing is for sure she can't give up! It makes me cry, because Anna is such a nice person. Love Marge .