https://www.angelfire.com/zine2/letters/index.html
melindaedison@hotmail.com
A Little Plan
Oh Chris!
I am in trouble! Look at this man! He is antique. He talks in an old-school way. He actually has definition in his arms. He was an actor in the early 70s, mostly Shakespearian plays and a bit of existential stuff…Ayn Rand. Now he writes poetry and reads across the nation. He does the slams. He writes poems to me, about me. He is very romantic in his everyday life. He leaves notes on my car. I have been helping him take care of some business stuff. He makes me laugh. I like how he smells. He drives me crazy. I WANT HIM. I WANT HIM. I WANT HIM.
And guess what?
He doesn’t want me.
Dammit!
So I have come up with a plan. I am going to act like a man. I am going to get him drunk! I am going to take him! I will say, “Baby, unfurl that baseball bat!” oops wrong verb “Unfurl that garden hose.” Damn that doesn’t sound right. Wait. I am the man so I get to be on top. I will say, “Let me slide down your pole.” Yes! That’s it. I want to be kissing on him soooooooo much. I want to do all sorts of things to him!
Before you start accusing me of becoming a wicked spidergirl spinning a web, let me say I will be gentle with him. I don’t want to end up giving him a heart attack or anything like that. And I will respect him in the morning! And I will call him if I say I will. And I will be true to him for the entire fifteen minutes of our courtship. Promise.
So then it is okay, right?
Back me up. Please.
--Mel
