Forgotten
I'm looking for a place,
searching for a face,
Is anybody here I know?
Cause nothing's going right,
and everything's a mess,
and no one likes to be alone...
Avril Lavigne
His eyes roamed slowly to the dark,studded sky. He had been given his dreams, the world, and now it was payback. The wind blew softly through his hair as he slouched on the balcony, his feet hanging over the edge. It was completely silent and peaceful on that warm Orlando night as if he was the only one who could see the real war raging on in the world. He had his own little war raging on inside himself.
He closed his eyes slowly and opened them, hoping everything would be ok again,hoping everything would be back to normal... It wasn't. He squeezed his fists shut. He could feel the tears brimming in his eyes. They wanted to come out, but he just couldn't let them, he couldn't let anyone seethe vulnerability he had sheltered from the world. His body, mind, and heart ached. In his short years of life he had experienced too much pain and sorrow and it felt like he would never be truly happy again. His young eyes were aged with wisdom and experience and his face was worn down by anxiety. He felt like he couldn't do it anymore... He couldn't stand being stared at by so many desperate faces anymore, he couldn't handle all the judging, controlling, confusion. He couldn't stand life itself.
He took a wavering breath and tried to steady himself as he stood up to lean against the wall of the building. He walked slowly over to the railing of the balcony and stared into the darkness below. It was empty and desolate, just like his heart but to himit was covered with people, watching his every move under a microscope. They cried out his name and screamed for a picture, they called him names and shouted about his lack of talent, they watched him carefully and wanted him there beside them.
He could feel everything slipping away from him... He could feel life itself reaching from the bottom of his soul and slowly escaping through his now quickened breathing. He felt that pull, it was back for him. He took a deep breath and brought his foot over the edge of the railing, he lifted himself over it and stood on the edge,the only thing keeping him there was his own will and that was slowly ebbing away. He stared down at the ground 4 stories below him and it suddenly seemed so welcoming and peaceful, so much more appealing that the life he was leaving behind. He felt like he was stuck between two worlds, neither would make him happy. He swallowed hard and closed his eyes before he let go of the railing. He could feel himself falling... falling... He felt the darkness close up on him as he the ground rose closer and closer to him...
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He woke up with a start but kept his eyes closed. He could feel the cold sweat pouring from every gland in his body, he could hear his fast beating heart pound inside of him. He slowly opened his eyes to reveal what he hoped who would never have to see again: darkness. It was all too normal for him to be alone again. His eyes closed again in anattempt to keep the darkness from him but he could feel it slipping all around his body... wrapping him in a blanket of fear and insecurity... He could feel it slipping away again...
He didn't know how much more of this he could handle. He couldn't take it anymore; he wasn't going to allow himself to take it anymore. He opened his eyes again but this time they were full of anger and determination. He ripped the blankets off of him, the comforting warmth of the bed leaving him suddenly, just like everything else in his life. He stood up slowly, his jaw clenched and walked into the bathroom, silently cursing himself for not having his own balcony.
He opened the medicine cabinent and took out the first bottle of pills he saw. He took a deep breath and stared at them. He stared at them for what seemed like an eternity. He could feel the fear edging back into him, he could feel the tears back in his eyes, except this time he couldn't hold them back. He cried. He cried for the first time in years. He cried for his life,he cried for his love, but he mostly cried for the pain. The pain every person who he met has caused him. He brought his hands to his head and dropped to his knees on the bathroom floor, the pills rolling away... Completely forgotten.
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