I’m not a stalker… Right? I mean, stalkers are crazy. And I’m not crazy. I’m sure I’m not. People like me don’t get like that. We’re grounded. Normal. Like me…Right?
The rain pounded down on the windows of the car as it rolled along to its owner’s home. He stared out at the bleak surroundings, his fingers tapping on the steering wheel to the music. He shifted gears. He loved that. It made him feel so… manly. Lightning cracked overhead and he was glad he was almost home. His cell phone rang.
“Hello?” he asked grumpily.
“You have another interview tomorrow with Teen People.”
“I’m not doing it.”
“What do you mean your not doing it?” his manager shouted.
“I mean I’m not doing it.”
“Fine Justin! Three grand. That’s is.”
“Ten.”
“They can’t afford that and you know it.”
“Then they can kiss their interview good bye.” He was tempted to hang up the phone on him.
“Listen, I don’t know where the fuck this egotistical attitude came from but you better knock it down a few pegs or we might have to look over your contract again.”
“Are you threatening me Johnny?”
“Yes, I am. It’s time someone does it. Your fans are noticing, the guys are getting frustrated, and the record execs aren’t too happy about this tabloid shit either. I’m talking to you as a friend. This is in your best interests. As much as you’d like to think, the world does not revolve around you.” The line went dead.
He growled and threw the phone into the backseat. Who cares about his attitude. He was better than everyone. It’s not like the people he put down were important anyway. They were just little people. Little people that didn’t matter. So what if he used them to make himself feel better. He deserved it. He worked hard enough. A couple crying interns isn’t going to make the company fine him. He was too big for that. Too important. His fists tightened on the wheel as he pulled up to his house.
He noticed the gate first. It was barely opened but it was enough to make his stomach flop. He reached out to press his code in. He swore loudly; the power was out. He quickly jumped out of the car, pushed the gates open, and got back in, his seats already soaking up the water dripping from him. He didn’t bother to close the gates, he would do it in the morning.
His anger only grew more when his garage door opened didn’t work either. He growled, dropping his head to the steering wheel. The door slammed behind him as he stood in the rain, trying to figure out how to open the garage door. He couldn’t leave his car out in the rain; it would get ruined. He scratched the back of his head, his curls already dripping wet. He finally decided he’d have to pull up the door himself. It wasn’t as hard as he thought it would be and he was glad it was fairly new and well oiled.
He stared at the now ruined leather seat for a long time before he pushed the door shut. It was not a good day. Throwing his keys on the table, he went to shut off the alarm. It was already deactivated. He never left the house without setting the alarm. His anger was replaced with fear as his eyes darted around the hall and into the living room. He backed up against the wall and flipped the light switch a few times, as if he thought the power would come back on and his house would magically be illuminated again.
He carefully made his way into the kitchen and held the phone to his ear. Dead. Of course. He slipped his hand into his pocked only to realize he left his cell phone in the car. He sat down on the counter and ran his hands through his hair, trying to convince himself it was all just a coincidence. He was just freaking himself out. After all, he had only been living by himself for a few months now. The storm caused the power to go out with made a glitch with his security, he finally decided. But what about the gates? Even a power outage wouldn’t cause them to open…
He pushed the thoughts to the back of his head and jumped off the counter. He kept his eyes open as he walked up the stairs to his room, flinching at every sound. He opened the door slowly and examined the room, relieved to find it empty. He stepped in and began to tug off his shirt when the door slammed behind him. He whipped around and his mouth dropped in shock before the bat connected with his head.
People think I’m strange. They think I have “issues”. But they’re just jealous. They all are. That’s what it is. They wish they had what it takes but they don’t. None of them do. They don’t have what I have.
He groaned as he pulled back into consciousness. His head throbbed. He attempted to rub his forehead. Panic flooded him when his arms didn’t move. He couldn’t feel anything from his shoulders to his fingers and his neck ached, his curls flopping in his eyes. He lifted his chin from his chest, pain shooting through his head. He was still in his room but he was on his bed instead of the floor where he started. A pillow behind him was pushing his head down in a very uncomfortable position. He squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his fists. Looking up, he saw his wrists tied tightly above his head to the bed posts with some kind of cloth.
He saw her across the room jus sitting, watching. He licked his lips and was surprised to have the taste of coppery blood on his tongue.
“Who the fuck are you?” he growled as he pulled at the restraints. He was able to pull himself up into a more comfortable sitting position. The girl didn’t move. “Did you hear me? Let… Me… Go.” She shook her head slowly and unfolded herself from the chair before she made her way over to him. She stood a few feet away from the bed as if she was scared of him.
“I-I… I didn’t mean to. I mean I’m sorry I…”
He raised his eyebrows at her and decided maybe the angry route wasn’t exactly the best way to go. “Listen kid,” he began.”
“I’m not a child. I’m 18.”
She was only a year younger than him. Still in high school. He looked her over. She was sort of pretty… He shook his head to rid himself of the thoughts invading through it. “Ok, how about you untie me and maybe we go downstairs, I’ll sign you an autograph, take a picture… Why are you shaking your head?”
“Because I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“That’s not what I came here to do.”
He swallowed hard. “What did you come here to do?” he asked, his voice cracking.
She fiddled with her shirt and her eyes seemed to look at anything but him. “I came to…” Her eyes widened and she seemed to noticed the cut on his lip for the first time. She moved to the bed and he backed away from her as far as he could. “Did I hurt you? I didn’t mean to, I swear… You’re just a lot heavier than you looked. I…” She carefully put her hand to his face and slowly pulled her fingers back, a drop of redness on them. His face curled in disgust when she put it into her mouth.
“You’re fucking crazy!” he screamed. She jumped away from him. “You’re a psychotic, obsessive freak! Get away from me! Get the fuck away from me!”
“I-I’m just a fan.”
“You’re not a fan! You’re a psycho! You’re crazy! Someone help me!”
“I- I am not crazy! I’m not!”
“He struggled against the bed, causing it to shake. “Get the fuck out of here! Help!”
She continued backing up, her fingers twisting in her shirt again. “Stop screaming! I can’t… I can’t! Just stop!”
He glared at her. “Let me go.” She shook her head slowly, tears brimming in her eyes. His voice softened. “Please.”
“I can’t. I’m sorry.” She walked out the door. He growled and attempted to get free one last time before he fell back again, defeated.
I’m not obsessed. I’m infatuated. That’s what I tell everyone. I’m infatuated. He told me I was crazy. I’m not. I would know if I was crazy. Why would he say that? I’m not a psycho. He is. I’m just a fan. A big fan. Just a fan…
She was gone for a long time and he was hoping she was gone for good. Someone would eventually realize something was wrong and they would come get him. Save him. He just had to be patient. Had to wait it out. The girl was young and obviously had some problems. She seemed scared of him, like she really didn’t want to do this. His thoughts were interrupted when she came back into the room, towels and ice in hand. She slowly approached his bedside.
“These are for your face. I don’t want your head to swell. Can I…?” He looked at the ice in a towel she held in her hand before he nodded. She tenderly placed the cloth onto his head. His breath hissed in when the cold touched his flushed skin. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. He rubbed his tongue over the cut on his lip and she held up another towel. “For that cut?” He parted his lips to allow her to dab the blood away with the damp rag. “I’m sorry it took me so long. I got lost.” He chuckled slightly. Her eyes darted down to his own, shock written all over her features. He smiled slightly after she pulled the rag away.
“Thank you.”
“You’re… You’re welcome.” She moved to get off the bed but the bag of ice slid off. She placed it back on his bruise again. His eyes followed her.
“Why don’t you untie me so I can hold that there?”
She rolled her neck and looked hesitant for awhile, he thought she was actually going to do it but then she shook her head. “I’m sorry. I can’t.”
“What’s your name?”
“Allie.”
“Allie. Pretty name.”
She blushed. “Thank you.”
He smiled that charming smile that melts a million hearts. “Allie, why can’t you untie me hunny?”
“I just… I can’t.”
“Come on hunny. You can tell me. Here, come sit down.” He scooted over again and tried to hide his smile when she shyly sat next to him. “So, why don’t you tell me what’s going on.”
“I’m not doing this for me.”
“Who are you doing this for?”
She shrugged. “Everyone.”
“Everyone who?”
He was surprised when her features darkened and her angry eyes turned to him. “All the people like me. All the people out there like me who get tortured by people like you.” His eyebrows raised, this girl was more screwed up than he initially thought. “I’m going to hurt you like you hurt us.” She got off the bed and stood next to him, feeding off the fear radiating out of his eyes.
“Allie, you seem like a sweet girl. How about we-“
“No Justin! I’m not falling for your act! All you people just put on those acts! You’re so fake! Stop!” He swore loudly and moved as far away from her as he could when she pulled the gun out of her purse and waved it at him. “Stop being so fake!”
I don’t do these things on purpose. They just happen. People tell me I need help. It’s not me who needs help. It’s the rest of the world. They’re all so… fake. Hiding in those shells so they won’t get hurt. Maybe that’s what I should do. Lie. Maybe then they’ll like me…”
“Allie hunny, put the gun down. You don’t want to do this.”
“Don’t tell me what I want to do! I know what I want to do. I’m the only one who is real. I’m real. Do you hear me?” she screamed, tears evident in her voice. “I… am… real…”
His voice was soft when he spoke to her again. “Allie… Don’t do anything you’ll regret. Just untie me ok.”
“I don’t have regrets,” she spat out bitterly. “And stop always thinking about yourself. This isn’t even about you.”
He tried to hide his confusion. “Then what is it about?”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“Try me.”
She lifted her face to him before shaking her head. “I know you people. You won’t.”
“How would you know if you never try? Just untie me and we can have a little conversation about all this.”
That just seemed to make her angrier and she waved the gun around at him. “No! I’m not stupid! I’m not falling for that! I’m here for me ok? I’m done with everything! I was never going to hurt you.”
“Then why are you here? Why did you tie me up? Huh Allie? You’re not making any sense.”
“Don’t call me crazy. I’m not crazy.”
“I didn’t call you crazy.”
“You did. And you were thinking it. I know that’s what you’re thinking. It’s in your eyes.”
He sighed. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re what?”
“I said I’m sorry. You’re hurting and I know that. I understand.”
“No you don’t. And I’m the one who’s sorry. No one understands and neither will you.” Her eyes met him and he was taken aback by what he saw in them. They were cold and empty. He noticed her appearance for the first time. Her long brown hair was tangled and carelessly pulled behind her head. She had a tank top on that showed her navel and her low-riding jeans were still damp from the storm still raging outside. A black hoody was carelessly thrown on the floor a little ways from the door. “I’m not crazy,” she whispered again.
It’s over now. It’s all over. I don’t know why I’m here. I’m so stupid. But I’m not crazy. What’s the point anymore? He probably hates me now, like the rest of the world. They all hate me. Just because I’m… different. But I’ll show them. I’ll show them all.
“Allie… You need help. Let me help you. Please.”
“No. I’m done. I’m sorry I dragged you into this but the opportunity was here. I had nothing to lose. I just figured I’d accomplish my dream before it was all over.”
All over? He thought. “What was your dream Allie?”
She lifted her head and shuffled her feet. “To meet you.”
“Well now you accomplished your dreams. That’s something isn’t it? Not many people get to do that you know, accomplish their dreams.” He was stalling, he knew. It was only a matter of time before someone came to find him.
“I didn’t accomplish them now. I met you three days ago.” He scanned his memory but he had no idea who she was. “Don’t remember me do you? Why would you. I’m not important. I don’t have a very memorable face anyway.” She sniffled. He tried as hard as he could to remember her but it just wasn’t coming to him. She started speaking in monotone. “I was wearing a gray shirt with black pants. My hair was down, and curled. I came into the recording studio to bring you an interview transcript to sign. You were yelling at JC I think. He was trying to tell you something but you just kept yelled at him.” He sighed, suddenly realizing who she was. “Then you threw something. It just missed my head. I flinched. Then, they you turned to me.”
“I’m so sorry Allie… I was having a bad day. I didn’t know… I…”
“You did know. I was fired Justin. I was fired. Not only did you break me down until I couldn’t even stand myself, but… but… I hated you. I hated you so much. But then I realized, it wasn’t your fault. It was mine. It was always my fault. That’s what everyone tells me. I’m… I shouldn’t have freaked out. I wasn’t important enough.”
“Hunny… Don’t get down on yourself. It wasn’t your fault, it was mine.”
She looked up at him. “It was my dream to meet you. I was just a fan… Just a fan…”
“I’m sorry I ruined your dream.”
“No… It was a stupid dream. Everything is just… stupid. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She shook her head and brought the gun to her head, her hand shaking.
“Stop! What are you doing?” he screamed.
She looked at him, the fear evident in her eyes. “I have to… It’s the only way I can make it end… The only way it will all go away. I was just a fan…”
Justin screamed, struggling against the restraints as much as he could. “Don’t! Please don’t Allie! I’m so sorry! Allie!”
She closed her eyes and put her finger on the trigger. “I’m sorry Justin, I’m so sorry I dragged you into this. I just wanted to show you… Show you how much of an influence you have on me… On your fans. Please forgive me.”
He was shocked when he felt tears stinging his eyes. “Please Allie… Don’t do this… Just don’t do it! I’m so sorry! Let’s just calm down and-“
“No. This is the only way this will end. The only way I can make this all end.” She flinched when lightning cracked above the house and he became aware of the rain again. “I’m sorry Justin. So sorry. I was just a fan…”
He wouldn’t understand. There is no way. No one understands me. He deserves to pay for what he did. I don’t want to hurt him but he needs this. He needs this to understand. It all makes sense now. I don’t want to fight it anymore. It’s so much more peaceful this way…
The gun sounded through the room.
“No!” he shouted, his struggling increasing. She laid motionless on the ground, the red blood seeping into the fabric of the carpet. “Please… Please get up… Let this be a joke. I get it guys! Ha ha… Funny! I’m not going to do it anymore! I’ll be better now! I swear… Just please… Please get up…” He sniffled and tried to blink away the tears. “Allie… Hunny I’m so sorry. Please… Just please stand up. I’m so sorry.” She still didn’t move, her brown hair scattered on the floor.
He couldn’t breathe. The walls were closing in on him. He swallowed and tried to gulp in the air but it just wasn’t coming in. He tried to slip his hands out one more time but it wouldn’t give away. “Please… God please help… I didn’t mean to. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I didn’t know…”
That was probably the longest night of his life. He couldn’t help his eyes from straying to that young girl’s body. It was his entire fault. He caused that. Someone died because of him. He cried. He cried more than he’s ever cried in his life. He had no idea he had such an influence on them. All those fans. He had been treating them so bad. He’d been treating everyone around him horrible and it took this to make him realize how much they all meant to him.
He was slowly driving himself crazy. Every time the lightning struck it would light up her body and he would notice something about her that he didn’t before like her chipping black nail polish and ragged fingernails, the holes in her ears where her earrings should go but mostly the cuts on her wrists. They were fresh, maybe a day or two old. He wondered why he didn’t notice when she was leaning over him. Morning sunlight was slowly flooding his room. He wouldn’t be able to handle to see her in full light.
He figured the power had went on a little after midnight; he’d been staring at the blinking red lights of his alarm clock for hours. The phone had been ringing off the hook all morning but he, obviously, had no way of answering it. He silently thanked God when he heard his front door open.
“Justin! Are you ok? Where are you?” JC called. Justin couldn’t respond, his voice didn’t seem to work. “Justin… Please answer me…” his friend pleaded. He swallowed hard when he heard the footsteps come closer to the door. “Justin, you better be sick or dead in there because you’re scaring the hell out of me.” JC pushed the door open. His face first flooded with relief before it turned to confusion. “What the hell were you-“ He stopped dead, his eyes landing on the young girl’s body sprawled on the floor. “Oh my God… Please tell me this is a joke…” He lifted his eyes to meet Justin’s. “Please Justin… Tell me this is… what… Oh my God…” He ran into the bathroom. Justin closed his eyes when he heard JC get sick. The water ran for a long time before he emerged again. “What happened?” he asked softly as he made his way over to Justin.
“Call the cops C,” Justin whispered, his voice hoarse and broken.
“Let me untie you first.”
“Now.”
Justin watched her as JC spoke to the police and stayed silent until they came. It was al his fault…
-:- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -:-
Justin couldn’t keep his eyes off Allie’s father comforting her crying mother. She was so upset. He had learned a lot about her that day. She was an only child, daddy’s little girl. She was a straight ‘A’ honors student in school with a scholarship to a local performing arts college. She didn’t have many friends and wasn’t very popular in school despite her beauty. Her family had money problems and she was hoping the internship he took from her would lead to a job. Her dream was to go into the music business. She was a huge fan of theirs. Everyone knew her as the ‘crazy Nsync fan’.
He made his way up to her coffin, JC right behind him. He swallowed hard and tried to hold back his tears. He placed a single white rose on top of the oak before he backed away. He watched her body get lowered into the ground. She was gone and it was al his fault. She was just a fan…