Journal
My journal that I have posted online for all to read. It is a major way for me to 
vent all of my frustrations, and maybe even get some responses!

I hope to update this daily, so it won't be like all my drabbling. The Drabble are updates. This is my personal thoughts that just want to get out and tell someone. And so here begins the diary of one Michelle, a female at the age of 15.

08-14-00

    My father and I are too much alike. He annoys me so much! I’m sitting in my room, incense burning and Limp Bizkit blaring. He’s sitting at the computer in the same position for the past five hours.
    There’s no way there is so many interesting things on the ‘net. For hours at a time. I used to be like that. I was fascinated for about four months. It’s all pretty boring now. But my dad has been like this for almost a year! It drives me insane. I hardly have time to update my page. And I’m not the only one who’s sick of it. My younger brother, my older sister, and my mom are sick of it (that’s the rest of my family by the way). I can’t help but think of how upset his behavior would mke my grandma (his mother). He acts like the greatest father and husband around her. But when we’re at home, when it counts the most, he’s a complete arse.
                                I don’t know. Maybe it is just me. But it’s really affecting all of us…

08-14-00

    I really love keeping this small journal. Well, it can be a pain in the ass sometimes. Like when I have to find time to write in it (usually after midnight), or when I have no idea what to write about.
    Fortunately, I do have something to write about. Yeah! At my house, there is this small area back behind it (about 33’ by 69’). It used to be a vegetable garden. However, nothing but weeds has been growing there for years. So my mom was interested when I asked if I could create a flower garden there.
    I got a few books out at the library, but I didn’t find any good garden books. Then I found one that told how to do EVERYTHING. So now I’m really excited. I have really big plans for the area. And I hope I can carry them through. Oh well. That’s all I have for my really short journal entry. If I ever begin the garden project, I’ll write about it. K?

08-13-00

But seriously folks. It’s time for me to darken the mood. I love humor, but I’m not very good at it. Here’s the radio song of the day:
    I’ve got big balls
    Oh I’ve got big balls
    He’s got big balls
    She’s got big balls
    But I’ve got the biggest
    Balls of them all!
Sorry. I ruined it already. I couldn’t even remember all the words. So here’s today’s big topic ( Now I sound like a talkshow host: “Jerry Springer, my mom is a lesbian goat!”)

DEATH

    It’s all around us. Someone is dead right now. And there goes another one. Death is a hard experience to deal with. Trust me. Better yet, trust your own feelings.
    The first death you experience, whether you’re young or old; whether the person was close to you or a stranger, is one of the hardest. I won’t say THE hardest because I’ve never had anyone extremely close to me (parents, siblings, etc.) die yet.
    My first death was, I think, when I was 12. That’s the first one I remember. It was *Devon* a highschooler. That was all I knew about him. I had been introduced a couple of times by his neighbor (my friend). Devon and I weren’t friends because I was a junior highschooler. So my reaction to his death surprised even me.
    I live in a small community. Everyone knows eachother and word spread fast. Everyone in the community was amazed and frightened when Devon died. He had commited suicide while high on some drug (I think it was cocaine). No one had expected it.
    Death number two happened during my first trip to Florida. My mom received a phone call that her grandma (my great-grandma) had died while in the hospital. My mom wanted to fly home, my older sister was in a wreck (she shared the same birthday with g-grandma) and I was at a loss. If only I had gone with my mom before we left to visit her. I don’t really remember the details, but she died because the hospital didn’t care for her correctly.
    Death 3 was the next year right after we came back from our second trip to Florida. Even though I didn’t know my great-uncle, I went to his showing. And when my parents wouldn’t let me go to his funeral, I cried all day (despite the fact that it was the school trip to the museum). My great-uncle died because he was old and wanted to go naturally. It has some other word: when you turn off the breathing machines, take out the Ivs and stop giving the person food and water.
    My fourth death experience can be considered harder than all the others put together. I guess that contradicts my statement about the first being the worst. When Devon died, I was still young, naïve, and I hardly knew him. This time I was still yound, hardly naïve, and I knew one of the people killed.
    This is hard to talk about and my friends will want to kick my ass if they read it. There will definitely be name changes here (signified by *). And I think that I might discuss what I’ve learned a lot, too.
    *Josh*, Tim*, and George* were three boys who were killed my freshman year. They were celebrating George’s birthday and had become really drunk. Like most guys, they thought they could handle the tipsiness and just drive back home. They never made it. Josh was driving and he took a curb too fast. They ended up hitting a telephone pole. All three boys are now dead. The car was completely destroyed, yet the pole was intact and everything. I knew George. We had met in the halls on the first day of school.
    It hasn’t even been a year. It will be half a year on my birthday. I plan on laying roses on their graves.
    Everyone knew they were going to party. If only someone had stopped them. Instead, school was cancelled for a funeral. And even when we did have school, no one wanted to go. I felt horrible. I got really pissed off when the news stations stopped reporting the accident. I wanted everyone to know what had happened. I just couldn’t imagine that the rest of the world was going on like normal while our little community was standing still.
    The last death happened a few months later in June. My 96 year-old great-grandma died (she was on my father’s side of the family). I hadn’t been very close, I get nervous around older people. My older cousin was close however. Being the tear prone person I am though, I balled my eyes out. I just wanted to hug her and let her cry on me. Maybe it would have provided some comfort. I regret not offering her a shoulder. Just as I regret not saying to George’s cousing at his funeral, “Here. I’m a nice soft fat person to cry on. Please don’t leave me standing here.” (He was pacing the parking lot and hiding behind some sunglasses.)\
    Well. That’s it. I wrote four pages. That’s what I like about this journal thing. I can have people read it without criticizing me because they don’t know me. I’m always the friend that listens, not the one who talks. And some of this shit eats away at me. I just need to vent.

08-12-00

Ah yes. Drawing. I’ve now finished four sweet pics that I hope to scan and post soon. Here’s the lowdown:
    1)  A jungle girl squatting down and holding a stake
    2)  A picture of my main character, Lai Yoon, from my original story entitled Stalkers. It’s only a face shot, 
        not a full picture.
    3)  A pic of Lai’s sidekick, Alvin. No, that name did not come from the top of my mind. Alvin is this sweet, 
        funny, and ultra cute guy I met while chatting. ‘Rents, if you’re reading this, don’t worry! He #1 knows not 
        where I live, and #2 He’s in the UK. Jeez!
    4)  Last of all, is a picture of what I want the Stalkers title picture/logo to look like.
What, do you ask, inspire my drawings? Well I can answer that. I originally drew based completely on lifelike objects and people. I liked cartoons, but I didn’t draw them. Cartoons simply seemed too unrealistic and sloppy.
    My sister introduced me to Sailor Moon, my first anime (japanese animation). Seilor Moon in turn introduced me  to other awesome anime flicks such as Rorouni Kenshin, Fushigi Yuugi, and Magic Knights Rayearth (other popular anime are Dragon Ball Z, Tenchi Muyo, and Gundam Wing which can all be found on the Cartoon Network). So now I draw in that style. I find it challenging and enjoyable. Wow. I sound like I’m trying to sell something.
                        Well, I’ve reached my one-page limit that give myself. Buh Bye! –Acid

08-11-00

    I love to draw! It's so much fun! I ended up reading that article on boredom thoroughly. Wow. Some of it is so true. Like how you get bored when you move from a high stim (stimulative) activity to a low one. They say video games are high stim because there's the colors, concentration, sounds, and various other involvements in them. That's true. I get bored after I play PSX. I guess drawing can be high stim too, if you make it that way. I concentrate hard and think about picture ideas as I go along.
    Another thing the article said is that since teens are constantly doing high stim stuff, everything else (like homework) is boring. One way to fix that problem is to listen to music while doing homework, reading, etc. I only thought to mention this because it works. Right now I'm listening to Korn while I write this (I'll write, then type). I basically listen to music while I do everything. It becomes more interesting to have my concentration fighting over two or more things. Here's a classic example: walking is boring, but chewing gum, talking and walking is more fun.
    Geez! I've gotten way off track! Oh well. I'll just have to post later about how much I love to draw. And soon, I'll have a few scanned pics!

08-10-00

    As my first entry of a hopefully long journey into self discovery, I shall describe just how bored I am. It's a Tuesday night (point one: I write these out before I type and post them, point two: Yes I know, "Tuesdays are always boring Corra."), August 1 and here I am longing for school to start. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a great lover of school. Hell no! It's just a teenager thing to want out of school when you're in, and into school when you're out. Or is that normal... I'm gonna have to ask for an email about that one.
    Anyways. I just want to go pick up my schedule (I'll be a sophomore, 10.th grade, and I just love High School!). I want to see all of my friends, and discuss teachers. Just so you know, we don't gossip. Teens simply discuss. Gossip is such an ugly word. Is anyone confused yet? No? Darn. I haven't succeeded then.
    Boredom is absolutely horrible. I watch my younger brother during the day while my parents work. Since they've got the 'net under a password, I'm stuck with some pretty shitty options for entertainment:
            1) Play Playstation (referred to as PSX). My favorite game genre is RPG. But that's for another time.
            2) Play computer (referred to as PC). I either play PC games or work on this shitty site through
                 Microsoft  FrontPage. Very handy.
            3) Watch TV (referred to as TV). I don't care what it is. I'm bored!
            4) Eat junk food (referred to as Crap food for the obvious reason that it can impair that particular...ahem....system.). Wow! I wonder why I'm so fat. Oops! There goes my secret!
    So there are my four ways to beat boredom. All of which are easier to do than the 15 tips in the latest Seventeen mag. Not to mention more realistic. Who wants to start an all girls club that talks about stress anyway? Stress beats boredom...
    Oh woe to me! Sometimes I wish I had a phone in my room. Then I could call in to the local rock radio station and request Papa Roach, or Creed, or Foo Fighters, or 3 Doors Down, or some Incubus. What about the Commodores song, Brickhouse!? Yeah!
                                                She's a brick....house ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

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