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Finding a cozy niche in special-effects films hasn't only sparked
Téa Leoni's professional resurgence, it's also calmed her down and
loosened her up. How many big-time Hollywood actresses, for instance,
would help their husbands ass-paint, and then proudly publicize
it?
Never mind what exactly ass-painting is (or how good it must feel);
the point is that Leoni's got gale-force energy, which is just the
reason that director Joe Johnston picked her to hold the screen
with Jurassic Park III's next generation of computer-generated dinosaurs.
It's a part she took not because of the film's blockbuster status,
but because the plot revolved around a missing child, and it struck
a chord in Leoni, who's got a 2-year-old daughter with the aforementioned
butt-naked hubby, David Duchovny. When Leoni met with Mr. Showbiz
on the Universal Studios lot in Los Angeles, she looked ready for
a hike, in tight jeans and a white sleeveless blouse. Settling in
for a spirited interview, she spoke about motherhood, romance, and,
of course, the ass-painting incident.
What did you think of hubby David Duchovny's butt-baring in Evolution?
Well, you know, we did some ass-painting recently.
With your kid?
No, not with our kid! What do you think we are? It did not involve
children.
Explain, please.
I was the paint loader of David's ass — and I say that because I
want a little credit. Frankly, I don't think he could have painted
as well [without me].
What did you paint?
You don't exactly paint with your ass. Well, really, you do paint
with your ass. Oh, what you do is load up the person's buttocks.
I don't mean "load up." Let me say, just pat it in a general area
and use different color schemes. You can imagine what will happen
when you take the canvas and sit on it. And when he did sit on it,
some were the perfect sit, some of them we spanked a little bit,
no smearing because that didn't seem like such a good idea. We put
them up for an animal rights auction, [the slogan of] which is "Meat.
Don't eat it, paint with it."
Did the paintings sell?
I think we got 3,500 bucks for one.
Did you paint also?
No, no. I loaded, he assed.
I heard you got special treatment on the Jurassic Park III set
because you're a mom.
[Smiles] Yeah, I did get special treatment and I got to go home
early. But it was five months of filming. My daughter was from 16
months to 21 and a half months.
What surprises you the most about being a mom?
Everything. I mean, really, you're not ready for it. People tell
you it's going to change your life and that is the stupidest thing.
Let me tell you right now, if a friend of yours is going to have
a baby, don't say, "If you have one, you're not going to believe
how much it's going to change your life." Like, duh! Like, every
aspect of your life changes. And you're just blessed. You just get
it. All that odd self-consumption from "How am I going to pay my
rent?" to your own health or whatever, it all goes out the window.
You see how silly it is.
So you know why, in JP3, a parent would put his life on the line
to save a kid.
I knew that even when I was pregnant. Then a part like this comes
up and people say this is my new No. 1 nightmare — which is my child
would go missing specifically on an island with dinosaurs? OK, that
was not my nightmare. Mine was leaving my daughter on top of the
car when you go get your Starbucks and drive off. But that idea,
I recognized it immediately.
Weren't there several scripts?
Yeah, and "Not really done yet" was Door No. 3. Still, I felt very
secure in accepting this role because no matter what they throw
at me, I'm still a mother trying to get her son home safely.
Has being a mother changed the way you approach your career?
Are you still as ambitious as you once were?
I think Hollywood wanted me more when I was 26 and I didn't want
it then. [Because] I didn't really like what I did. It never felt
good, it felt really painful and really scary and I didn't like
the process. I was always scared — and listening to those fears.
Then I had the baby and it's kind of like you're untouchable. What
will they take away from me? Will they tell me I can't make movies
anymore? OK. Suddenly I was in there without so much fear — and
these are stupid fears anyway, it takes all the fun out of it —
and suddenly I was working with no holds barred. Like, this is my
time and this is what I love.
So you're ready for a half dozen kids now?
See, it's funny. If I had my way about it, yeah, a half dozen would
be pretty good. But that is spoken like the true mother of one.
I don't know, we'll see. Once you've been through it, you look at
it like, "I've been blessed and I hope it happens again."
On this movie you had so many changes.
Not of clothes.
Not clothes, but scenarios. Joe Johnston, the director, said
he wouldn't have blamed you if you'd walked.
Again, I went into this to play a mother who lost her child. That's
such an incredible through line, there wasn't much they could throw
at me. I did say to Joe, "I don't want to be the girl going up Mount
Everest with the cappuccino strapped to the sherpa's back. If that's
what you want, don't hire me. I'm not going to do it very well.
I'm a tough son of a bitch." And he said, "I swear to you that your
lip gloss is off by the second page." I said, "Great! We're on the
same page."
Usually the star is made up to look beautiful.
With this it was, "Can we get some more dino shit?" They smear it
all over you. It was fine.
Did you say, "Add a bit more here?"
I did, actually. You can ask the makeup people. I swear to God I
was always, "I do not nearly have enough dinosaur shit on." The
thing was it would not stick after a while. It was oatmeal. It was
good. Every night I'd gross people out by eating it.
This looks like a very physical role. Are you an outdoor girl?
No, I should have gotten in shape for the film. I didn't because
I'm lazy. No, you know what? I'm not lazy, I just hate working out.
I think it's dumb and I don't like it. But I like to play games.
My daughter and I have this most intense game of hide and seek.
Since her idea of counting one to 10 is "one, four, 10, I'm coming,"
that works the glutes pretty good. A lot of [the movie entailed]
difficult, demanding stuff. We all went into this [saying], "We're
not continuing something here, but we're making the best one. That
is the goal." It's not to make one as good as the first or beat
the second one, it's to be the best. That's what we were going for.
Man! Did we throw ourselves into it.
Did you get hurt?
Yeah! [Shows a scar on her lower back] That's from the spinosaurus
attacking me in the water. He's basically attacking like I'm a fish
in a barrel. He's going down and that arm is thrashing around. Oh,
my God! I got beaten to hell in that one. I loved it.
Did you get sympathy from David when you got home?
No. He doesn't feel sorry for me. [Smiles] Of course, he was absolutely
sympathetic. Very sweet. You do work it. You come home and say,
"Oh, baby, that's sore there. Oh, yeah, right there." He has done
physically challenging roles. In The X-Files, that was no slouch
series, he'd come home banged and bruised.
What's it like having him home now that he's done with the show?
The truth is, between Evolution and the press tour, which just finished,
we're just now getting to breathe. We both got home on Saturday.
Will you get into it if, or when, JP3 does a lot better than
Evolution?
Oh, God, no. Because we're married. What's good for the goose is
good for the gander.
But you hear about the dangers of the Hollywood couple.
I've heard that. I'm not being naive, but goddamn, that's weird.
That's really weird. What is that about? If your spouse is doing
something and doing a great job, really cooking, it doesn't mean
you're not going to. If anyone believes your 15 minutes in town
is going to stay, come on, get a grip.
But this is a town filled with competitive people.
I know that. Everybody is going to eat you up and spit you out and
you're going to be good for a day and then they're going to slam
you out, because now you're an easy target. Come on, everyone knows
the gig. You're up, you're going to be shot down and then maybe
you come back up again. Everyone else is there to rip you a new
one. You better hope the man or the woman in bed with you is the
one to say, "Baby, I think you did great."
Or, "Let's go do some ass-painting."
That's right! That's why we did it, we know how to have fun. Don't
let anybody tell you otherwise. For anyone who says we're kind of
boring — we ass-paint.
Do you want to work with David?
I would never want to act with David. Not as a team, nor as a romantic
interest, whatever. Because I don't ever want to look him in the
eye and tell him a white lie. I don't like that. We have a pristine
relationship and I don't want to do that.
It's acting.
It doesn't matter. I don't want to play that game.
It doesn't work anyway when real-life couples team.
I liked Far and Away with Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. I thought
they had great chemistry. It's just that I don't want to sully anything
in there. Am I dying for David to direct me again in something?
I can't wait.
David directed you in an X-Files episode.
And we had a great time that day! Garry Shandling is one of our
best friends and we had a blast. David is not a yeller, he's got
an incredible way of giving direction. He's very calm and in control.
You seem to have the same sense of humor your husband does.
We do have the same sense of humor. He's quicker. Damn, that guy
is so funny.
What's the most romantic thing he's ever done for you?
He knew my voice is something I'm very shy about because it was
this low when I was 6 and that's weird. A cute little 6-year-old
looks up, and it's like The Exorcist. It's not right. But my dream
was to have been a singer. For my birthday, David rented a music
studio with 10 musicians and he dropped me off and said, "Baby,
it's yours for the night. Rock out." It was great because he'd told
them songs he'd heard me sing in the shower, "Angel From Montgomery"
and "Delta Dawn." There were a couple of songs of Dory Previn they
couldn't find the arrangements for.
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