Canadian Thanksgiving
Wednesday, October 9
“Congratulations, Mr. Equalizer. You have just won an all expense 4-day, 3-night paid vacation to your choice of
either Orlando, Florida, or Las Vegas. Either you or a member of your family filled in one of our sweepstakes forms
and you won! To collect your prize, simply call us, answer a few simple questions, and pack your bags.”
“Robert? Yvette. I want you and Scott to join me for Thanksgiving in Montreal. Our celebration is in October. It
will be a small gathering . . . just family and a few friends. I do hope you can come.”
“Dad? Did you talk to Yvette? How come Thanksgiving’s not in November? Anyhow, I don’t think I can make it. I told
her I’d have to talk with my professors. We’re scheduled to begin rehearsal about then. Oh, and Jenny and I will
be late tonight. My car’s acting up again, so we’ll need a ride to Yvette’s. Maybe it’s time to get a new one.
I thought Yvette had gotten rid of Jacques after last Christmas.”
“Robert. What is wrong with my goddaughter? I can’t understand what she sees in Jacques. I thought he was history
after Kostmayer decked him at Christmas. Let me know when we’re leaving.”
Thursday, October 10
“Hey, McCall! Yvette invited me and Nick up to her place for Thanksgiving, but it’s in October up there. Anyhow,
can we ride with you? The heater’s out in my van again.”
“Robert? Of course, I invited my godfather. He is family, is he not? Jacques asked me to invite Mickey. He wants
to apologize for last year. That is just like Jacques – he is so gallant! And, Robert, do you think Pete and Jeremy
would like to come also?”
“It’s Pete, Robert. I’ve tried to reach Yvette, but she wasn’t at home. I appreciate her offer, but I won’t be
able to make it. Give her my regrets, Jeremy’s also.”
“Dad? Mom’s coming, but Jenny’s dad dropped out. That will be four in the Jag.”
“There’s no need to get testy, Robert. I’m sure that Kay won’t want to make the journey. Can’t imagine why Yvette
asked her. Let me know when we’re leaving.”
Friday, October 11
“Hey, McCall. Nick’s going to be up in Montreal for a retreat, so it’ll be just me going up, but I told Nick he
can come back with us.”
“Hello Robert. Yvette. The Thanksgiving list keeps growing. Someone named Billy Bump just called and said you’d
invited him. You do know some rather peculiar individuals. He said he needs a ride. I hope you have enough room.”
“Robert, there is no need to shout. If there’s no room in the car, we can get more cars. Meet me for dinner at
O’Phelen’s and we can work out the logistics. I’ll call Yvette and find out who is invited. And, Robert, dinner’s
on you. Payment for my logistical expertise.”
“Jonah, McCall. That print out you wanted won’t be available until tonight. There’re blocks all over. Call before
you come. Hey, can I go to Canada for dinner?”
“Nick called. Said he’ll go up with us. Said the Bishop needs a ride, too, and thanks. That’s thanks for the ride
for the Bishop.”
Saturday, October 12
“It’s Scott, Jenny and Bishop O’Toole in your car. Mickey, Nick, and Kay with me. How did I get your ex in my car?
You owe me for this, Old Son. That woman hates me.”
“Dad? Can’t you send the Bishop and Nick with Control? I really think Mom should come with us. She doesn’t like
him much.”
“I’ll trade Kay for the Bishop, but I will not take Jonah in my car! He’s weird, Robert. You invited him; you take
him!”
“Robert, it’s Pete. Looks like I can go to Yvette’s after all. Let me know when you can pick me up.”
“Hey, McCall, I got the heater in the van fixed. I’ll take Nick with me, but I think the Bishop should still ride
with Control. I can’t see the Bishop in the van and it might do Control some good to spend some time with the Bishop!”
“Mr. McCall? Nick Kostmayer. Mickey called and said that the Bishop was going to ride with Control, but I’m riding
with Mickey. I think I’d better ride with the Bishop.”
Sunday, October 13
“I thought we settled the car situation at dinner. As it is now, I get Nick Kostmayer, the Bishop, and Pete. You
take Kay, Scott, and Jenny. Mickey gets Jonah and whoever else decides to go.”
“Robert, it’s Yvette. The guest list now includes you, my godfather, Scott, Jenny, Scott’s mother, Mickey, Mickey’s
brother Nick, Bishop O’Toole, Pete, Ginger, Jimmy, Sterno, and somebody named Jonah who seems to have invited himself.
I have some friends coming so that will be about 20 for dinner. Can’t wait to see you.”
“McCall? Sterno. Hope the food’s good, McCall. Nice of Yvette to invite me. If you need me to bring anything, let
me know.”
“It’s Ginger, Robert. Don’t know why I have to ride with Kostmayer. We don’t exactly get along. He never lets up!
I’ll probably have him reciting my faults all the way up to Yvette’s.”
“Hi, McCall. Good thing Yvette didn’t invite my ex. Don’t think I could have stood a long car drive listening to
her complain. Mickey said I’m assigned to his van so I’ll see you in Canada. You don’t think that Jacques guy is
invited, do you?”
“McCall. I can’t take Jonah, Sterno, Jimmy, and Ginger in the van. There aren’t that many seats. And I don’t want
to listen Ginger rag on me all the way to Yvette’s!”
“Stop shouting, Old Son. I’ll take Ginger with me. I’ll put Nick and the Bishop in the back and Pete and Ginger
up front with me. Should be a pleasant ride.”
“One last time Robert. You take Scott, Jenny and Kay. Mickey has Jonah, Sterno, and Jimmy. I have Pete, Ginger,
Nick Kostmayer and Bishop O’Toole.”
Thanksgiving, Monday, October 14
“I don’t know why I let our son talk me into this trip. Nobody wanted me there. Nobody! Never again, Robert, never
again. And that Kostmayer person! I can’t believe that priest is actually his brother.”
“Mr. McCall? Nick Kostmayer. The Bishop asked me to call and express our regret that you couldn’t make it to Montreal.
But considering what happened, perhaps it is better than you weren’t here. I wish the Bishop hadn’t been.”
“Oh, Robert, I’m so sorry you didn’t make it up here to see my beautiful Thanksgiving dinner. My godfather explained
everything. I hope you are feeling better. Every one missed you, except maybe Scott’s mother, I can’t be sure about
her. I’ll call you tomorrow to see if they when they’ll let you out.”
“It’s Sterno. You missed some great looking food, Robert. Too bad we didn’t get to eat it. Hope you’ll ask me for
Christmas dinner.”
“Robert. It’s Ginger. Great trip, Robert. Sorry you missed it. Yvette is a lovely person. Hope she comes down for
Thanksgiving here and we can all finally eat dinner. Can’t take Kostmayer anywhere! Hope you feel better, soon.”
“Yvette sets a good table Robert. She can substitute in the restaurant any time she wants. Unfortunately, having
Kostmayer and Jacques in the same room is mixing oil and water. But Jacques doesn’t appear to know when to stop
needling. When do you get home? I’ll cater dinner.”
“Hi Dad. I still think I should have stayed home with you. It was an interesting trip. I think you should trade
in the Jag for a Gulf Stream, but I guess that wouldn’t be too practical in the city. I don’t think Yvette should
have invited Jacques and his friends to the party. Things got a little out of control. Jenny and I will be back
tomorrow. When are you are they releasing you?”
“McCall, this is the second time I had to take Jacques to the hospital and this time he had buddies with him. I
don’t think you should invite him to your holiday celebrations. Control said you’d reimburse me for my expenses.
Too bad you couldn’t make it.”
“I commandeered a Gulf Stream and we all got here. And I explained to Yvette about the chicken pox. You will be
pleased to know that she was most solicitous, as a good daughter should be. We only had to leave Jonah in New York.
The rest of us squeezed on board, though I think Nick and the Bishop prayed the whole way up to Montreal. Now,
I’ll have to go and pull a few strings to get ALL of us back home before this becomes a diplomatic incident. I’ll
be in touch.”
Tuesday, October 15
“Hey McCall. We missed you. Hope you’re sprung by the time we get home. I didn’t know adults could get chicken
pox . . . but you’ve got to admit . . . it is pretty funny . . . when you think about . . . you having a kid’s
disease . . . at your age . . . and all. Geez, McCall, why’d Yvette invite that Jacques. You’ve got to talk to
her about him. I guess I shouldn’t have pushed him towards the table, but I had his pals coming at me at the time
and I was particular where the bodies landed. I didn’t know he was going to fall back on the table and that it
would break in the middle. Anyway, I think Control tripped him. I told Yvette I’d pay for the table and the china
and the food and I’m sorry nobody got to eat, but you should have seen Jacques with the mashed potatoes all over
his head, the gravy dripped into his eyes and the turkey in his arms. Control finally got me out of jail after
Jacques and his friends filed charges. We’ll be home tomorrow.”
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