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Leslie: Hey, Kelly, you wanna go out with the girls on Saturday?
Kelly: Yeah, sure!
Screech: Can I come?
Kelly: Didn't you hear her? She said 'just the girls'. Unless you are planning on wearing a dress, no you can't come.
Screech: What about culottes?

Slater: Screech, don't you ever get scared?
Screech: Sure. All the time. But when I get scared, I pretend I'm you.
Slater: You mean the way I used to be.
Screech: Of course. If I pretended to be you the way you are now, I'd be a real girly man.

"Slater, this is a big loin cloth. Can I borrow one of your loins?" - Screech

"No self-respecting guy goes to a costume party dressed as Peter Pan." - Slater

Zack: Hey Kelly!
Kelly: Don't talk to me Zack. I'm not here. I don't exist.
Zack: Well, for a girl that doesn't exist, she still turns me on.

Slater: Zack, I've got one word for you. Cancun.
Zack: Slater, I've got one word for you. Cannot.

"Next time, we rent a Steven Segall flick. People don't just die in his movies. They explode." - Slater

"I don't have a feminine side. Even if I did, it'd still be really macho." - Mike

*Zack and Kelly making out*
Dean McMann: Please! Another moment of that and I'll have to have a cigarette.

Zack: The Semester on the Sea program means you'll be on the sea for a semester!
Dean McMann: Wow! And you're only a freshman?

Slater: Alex, I went to the car show with someone other than you.
Alex: Who?
Slater: Chris...
Leslie: ty
Slater: No thanks, I'm drinking orange juice.

Zack: Kelly, I want you to marry me.
Kelly: WHAT?!
Leslie: WHAT?!
Alex: WHAT?!

Zack: Why don't you call me what your mom calls your dad.
Kelly: OK, I'll call you... Frank.

Screech: HELP! My zipper's stuck!
Zack: This is more important.
Screech: You're not the one feeling the breeze! I could catch Pneumonia!

Zack: What are you trying to say, Screech? You want to be a bride?
Screech: No, of course not. But it would be nice to be asked.

Zack: Girls, girls what dress do you like best?
Leslie: Ooh! I like the white off the shoulder. But you're going to have you shave your back.

Screech: Are you upset that I'm the best man and you're not?
Slater: Even if you were the last man on Earth, you still wouldn't be the best man.

"Conservative? Leslie, that dress deserves its own chair in the McLoughlin group." - Alex

Zack: Pull your skirt down more!
Kelly: Wow! That's something I never thought I'd hear you say.

"No! That's not my fiance! That's the stripper." - Zack

Screech: I'm 18, I'm a man, and I'm a frat guy. You know what that means?
Zack: You get to sit at the head of the kids table?
Screech: You know it, bucko.

Leslie: Pate?
Plumber: Yeah, I just fixed it. Flushes like a dream now.

Zack: 38" TVs
Slater: 38" waitresses
Screech: Oh, come on Slater. Those girls were taller than that.

Zack: Come on, I'll walk you to class. What've we got?
Kelly: Chemistry.
Zack: We sure do.

"Word up, my brothas!" - Alex

Teresa: Es un bonito dia. Que no?
Slater: Excuse me?
Teresa: Tu hablas espanol?
Slater: What?

Slater: Yo tengo cochinitos en mi equipaje.
Screech: I have pigs in my suitcase.
Slater: That's not good, is it?
Screech: No. But if anyone could make it work, it's you.

Leslie: What's a tsp?
Mike: A what?
Leslie: A tsp. t-s-p-period.
Mike: A teaspoon, Leslie! tsp stands for teaspoon!

Zack: Hey Screech that's great. Maybe soon you can open a chain of turkey salons.
Screech: That's a great idea. I think I'll call it 'Super Clucks'.

"Wow! I feel like Fabio!" - Screech

Slater: Screech, you smell like cheese.
Screech: I know. I have 12 different kinds of cheese in my pants.
Slater: That's scary.
Screech: No. The scary thing is that I'm kind of enjoying it.

"I am an equal opportunity babe hound." - Zack

Mike: Look at these hands. What do they say to you?
Screech: Death by strangulation?
Mike: Let me see your hands. *Screech shows him his hands* Wow. These are the hands of a sickly young girl.
Screech: Well thanks!

Zack: I don't know what it is, but women don't seem to take me seriously.
*Kelly, Leslie and Alex start laughing*

Leslie: Hey, Screech. What are you doing?
Screech: Oh, hi Leslie. I'm just watching the TV.
Leslie: But the set isn't even on.
Screech: Oh I know. I'm just watching the TV.

Zack: I hope we can still be amigos. That means friends...
Slater: Even I know that one.

Zack: Come on. Walters puts his underwear on one leg at a time just like the rest of us.
Screech: Is that how you guys do it?

Leslie's mom: Leslie, you're not really going to wear this dreadful jacket, are you?
Kelly: No. I am. That's mine, Mrs. Burke.

"Hey! That's my weiner!" - Screech

"Maybe he has a thorn in his paw." - Screech

Screech: Uh uh uh not so fast. It ain't over til the skinny guy sings! I got a 3, a 5, a 7, a 9 and a big fat 2. What does that mean?
Slater: It means you're an idiot and you owe us another 7 bucks.

Slater: You better start paying attention, Zack.
Zack: Oh, I will. I just have an English test next period. I'm listening to War and Peace as read by Joey Lawrence.

Kelly: Here. Peel the potatoes.
*Leslie starts peeling with her fingers*
Leslie: Potatoes.
Kelly: USE A PEELER!

"Bussing tables is such an icky job. Besides, I'm really busy at the student health center disposing of surgical waste." - Kelly

Girl: I'd like a chicken sandwich, plain, on a toasted roll.
Screech: Hey Clara, I need a naked chick with hot buns!
Clara: Screech! That is sexual harrassment.
Mike: Clara, Screech couldn't sexually harrass himself.
Screech: Thanks, Mike!

Proffesor Hutchins: Zack, can you name Kant's theory?
Zack: No, I Kant

Professor Lasky: You. From the Calvin Klein ads. What's anthropology?
*Screech stands up*
Screech: Well...Anthropology is...
Slater: Screech, Screech, he was talking to me. *to Screech* What's anthropology?

Zack: Lasky, sexy?
Leslie: Brilliance is sexy.
Alex: Funny. Is sexy.
Kelly: Uh.... Confusing... is sexy.
Screech: Hey, I even want to take him home.

*Slater takes Kelly's danish*
Slater: Oh, Kelly. Are you going to finish this?
Kelly: Well not now.

Alex: Slater, you get to gain weight?
Slater: Uh huh.
Alex: Life is so unfair.

"I don't want to be critical, but when I have people over would you mind hiding the dinosaur?" - Leslie

Kelly: Do you think we could get started up again?
Zack: Well, actually I'm already started up, halfway out the driveway and burning rubber.

*Alex whispering to Leslie and Kelly in class*
Alex: He's so cute! I wonder what his sign is?
Professor Lasky: Virgo

Professor Lasky: Will you, you and you marry me?
Leslie: Yes.
Kelly: Yes.
Alex: *crosses legs* Oh, yeah.

Leslie: What are you doing on my bed?
Zack: This is your bed? This is one lucky piece of furniture.

Screech: So. You're kind of like our mom.
Mike: Your mom? Did you mom play lineback for the 49ers?
Screech: Well she tried, but she was cut.

*Zack touches Mike's arm*
Zack: What have you got in there? A bowling ball?!

Screech: What happens if we break one of your rules?
Mike: Break one of my rules? What do you think will happen?
Screech: You squeeze the living day lights out of us?
Mike: Works for me.

"Would you stop apologizing so I can apologize?" - Leslie

Zack: You've got to start your day with something nice and warm.
Leslie: Breakfast?
Zack: That too.

Screech: That's how I handled my woman!
Zack: What woman?
Screech: The woman I had... before... I handled her... *walks away*

"I'm perfectly capable of getting down with my bad self" - Leslie

Dean McMann: I'm looking for Zack Morris.
Screech: You must be the lady with the major woofers!
Dean McMann: And you must be the village idiot.
Screech: So, you're Motley Crue's old lady? Boy you look like you could tell some stories.