~*3RD Season Quotes*~

ANNE

* * * * *

Willow: "I'm trying to get to cute, really, but I'm still sorta stuck on strange."

Oz: "Well I'd be willing to bargain down to eccentric, with an option on cool."

* * *

Willow: "I wonder what she's doing right now."

Xander: "Oh I know what she's doing. Gabbing to all of her friends about her passionate affair with Peidro the cabana boy. Laughing about me, thinking about how she still might have feelings about me. Oh, it's possible you're talking about Buffy."

DEAD MAN'S PARTY

* * * * *

Xander: "Check it out. The Watcher's back on the clock...and just when you're thinking career change, maybe becoming a..a looker or a..a seer."

* * *

Xander: "So where were ya? Did ya go to Belgium?"

Buffy: "Why would I go to Belgium?"

Xander: "I think the relative question is why wouldn't ya?"

* * *

Willow: "Still we were getting good. We dusted 9 out of 10."

Oz(whispers): "6 out of 10."

Willow: "6 out of 10."

* * *

Oz: "Well a gathering is brief, mellow song stylings, shindig: dip, less mellow song stylings per..haps a large amount of malt beverage, and hootenanny...well it's chalk full of hoot with just a little bit of nanny."

* * *

Giles(imitating/making fun of Joyce): "Do you like my mask? Isn't it pretty, it raises the dead. Americans."

* * *

Cordelia: "How do we know it's really you and not zombie Giles?"

Giles: "Cordelia, do stop being tiresome?"

Cordelia: "That's him."

* * *

Xander: "Generally speaking, when scary things get scared...not good."

* * *

Giles: "You're powerful in local circles...but I believe I can make life very difficult for you, professionally speaking. And Buffy *will* be allowed back in."

Snyder: "Sorry, I'm not convinced."

Giles(pushes him against cabinet): "Would you like me to convince you?"

* * *

Willow: "I have to make allowances for what you're going through, and be a grown-up about it."

Buffy: "You're really enjoying this whole 'moral superiority' thing aren't you?"

Willow: "It's like a drug!"

FAITH, HOPE AND TRICK

* * * * *

Joyce(to Snyder): "I think what my daughter's trying to say is: na na na na na."

* * *

Buffy: "Hello my life how I've missed you."

* * *

Cordelia: "What was the last thing that guy danced to, Casey and the Sunshine Band?"

* * *

Xander: "And they say young people don't learn anything in High School nowadays, but um, I've learned to be afraid."

* * *

Cordelia: "What is it with you and Slayers? Maybe I should dress up as one, and put a stake to your throat."

* * *

Buffy: "Giles there are two things I don't believe in: coincidence, and leprachauns."

* * *

Mr. Trick: "If we don't do something the master could get killed... Well our prayers are with him."

BEAUTY AND THE BEASTS

* * * * *

Xander: "Not to freak, I rested my eyes now and then..that's all."

Giles: "How long, exactly, did you rest your eyes for?"

Xander: "A little now a..little then...But I never heard Oz leave and he was here in the morning when I um, when I..."

Giles: "Woke up!"

Xander: "You can put it that way if you want to Mr. Technical."

* * *

Xander: "Oz does not eat people..It's more werewolf play. You know, I bat you around a little bit like a cat toy. I have harmless wolf fun. Is it Oz's fault that, you know, side effect, people get cut to ribbons and maybe then I'll take a nibble and..I'm not helping am I?"

* * *

Oz: "You're having a Slayer watch me? Well, good we're not overreacting."

* * *

Buffy: "Oh..boy... Faith and her mighty books."

Giles(reads the title of one): "Exploring demon dimensions and, the mystery of Acathla."

Buffy: "Yeah, and she still listens to heavy metal. Freaky deeky."

* * *

Oz: "Hey, I may be a cold-blooded jelly donut but my timing's impeccable."

* * *

Willow: "It's all over school, what happened with Debbie and Pete, except for the 'Pete was a monster' part."

Oz: "Yeah, freshmen told me that Pete had 8 iced cafe mochas and just lost it."

HOMECOMING

* * * * *

Mr. Trick: "Ladies, gentlemen, spiny-headed looking creatures, welcome to Slayerfest '98!"

* * *

Xander: "They're our only relations with money and they shun us, as they should."

* * *

Willow: "I don't know if I can dance in this. I don't know if I can dance!"

* * *

Willow: "It must be the clothes. It's a fluke!"

Xander: "It's a clothes fluke, that's what it is. And there'll be no more fluking."

Willow: "Not ever."

Xander: "We gotta get out of these clothes!"

Willow: "Right now!"

Xander: "Oh, I didn't mean..!"

Willow: "I didn't either!"

* * *

Oz: "As Willow goes, so goes my nation."

* * *

Willow: "This is just the worst thing that's ever happened. Ever!"

Xander: "I know, I know. It's just, when I look at you now, it's like I'm seeing you for the first time."

Willow: "I'm talking about Buffy and Cordelia."

* * *

Xander: "Okay now, one of us here is pretty darn smart and I am... just in Hell."

* * *

Giles: "We have to find Buffy, something terrible has happened. Just kidding, I thought I'd give you a scare. Are those finger sandwiches?"

* * *

Giles: "I suspect the, uh, finger food contains actual fingers."

* * *

Cordelia: "I know what you're up to. You think if you get me mad enough I won't be so scared. And, hey, it's working!"

* * *

Buffy: "You really..love Xander?"

Cordelia: "Well, he kinda grows on you like..a chia pet."

* * *

Buffy(fighting a monster): "Cor, the gun!"

(Bullet hits way off target)

Buffy: "Cordelia, the spatula."

* * *

Cordelia: "Those animals, hunting us down like poor, defenseless...well, animals."

* * *

Cordelia: "After all that we've been through tonight, this whole 'who gets to be queen?' capade seems pretty..."

Buffy: "Damn important."

Cordelia: "Oh yeah."

* * *

BAND CANDY

* * * * *

Xander: "I like chocolate, there is no bad here."

* * *

Buffy: "Something's weird."

Oz: "Something's not?"

* * *

Xander: "I don't get this. The candy's supposed to make you feel all immature and stuff but I've had a ton and I don't feel any diff... never mind."

* * *

REVELATIONS

* * * * *

Faith: "No offense, lady, I just have this problem with authority figures...They..end up kinda dead."

* * *

Buffy: "Interesting lady. Can we kill her?"

* * *

Angel: "It's hard."

Buffy: "It's not hard. Cold turkey - that's the key to quiting... You think they make a patch for this?"

* * *

Xander: "Hey Giles, here's a nifty idea. Why don't I alleviate my guilt by goin' out and gettin' myself really...really killed."

* * *

Buffy: "What is this? Demons Anonymous?"

* * *

Cordelia: "What gives you the right to suck face with your demon lover again?"

Buffy: "It was an accident."

Xander: "What, you just tripped and fell on his lips?"

* * *

Gwen Post: "A word of advice - vampires rarely knock...especially in daylight."

* * *

Willow: "You know, I always considered myself a good person - floss, do my homework, never cheat. But lately, and please don't judge me on this but.. I want you to be the first to know that, that, there's a demon behind you."

* * *

Xander: "Good old Sunnydale library. Fully equipt with reference, books, file cards...and weapons."

* * *

Faith: "The guy's a demon! How much more proof do you need?"

Xander: "Bite marks would be nice."

LOVERS WALK

* * * * *

Oz(to Willow, about her test scores): "I can see why you'd be upset. That was my sarcastic voice."

Xander: "You know, it sounds alot like your regular voice."

Oz: "I've been told that."

* * *

Cordelia: "Well I think this is great! Now you can leave and never come back! Well, I mean that in a positive way. Get out of Sunnydale, that's a *good* thing. What kind of moron would ever wanna come back here?"

* * *

Willow: "What's this?"

Oz: "It's a gift."

Willow: "What's the occasion?"

Oz: "Pretty much you are."

Willow: "It's a little, a-a pez witch!"

Oz: "It's kind of a theme present. Do you like it?"

Willow: "I like. I-I more than like. Oz, this is probably the sweet- We have to find a little pez werewolf, so little pez witch can have a boyfriend!"

Oz: "I don't think they make a werewolf pez. Might have to settle for a wacky cartoon dog."

* * *

Buffy: "She saw these scores and her head spun around and exploded."

Giles: "I-I've been on the Hellmouth too long. That was metaphorical, yes?"

* * *

Xander: "Whoa, it smells like church in here. No wait, evil church."

* * *

Willow: "Drucilla broke up with him."

Xander: "Gee and we'd all hoped those crazy kids would make it work."

* * *

Spike: "You're *not* friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love 'till it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other 'till it makes you quiver but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood - blood screaming inside of you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it."

* * *

Spike: "I'm gonna do what I should've done in the first place. I'll find her, wherever she is, tie her up, torture her, 'till she likes me again. Love's a funny thing."

THE WISH

* * * * *

Willow: "Isn't he gonna go 'Poof'?"

* * *

Buffy: "Your logic does *not* resemble our Earth logic."

Xander: "Mine is much more advanced."

* * *

Willow: "Oz hasn't been to his locker. There may be books in there that he needs, but still, he doesn't come."

* * *

Willow: "Oz. Wow. Look at us, running into each other as two people who go to the same school are so likely to do now and then."

* * *

Xander: "I'm gonna grab ahold of that crazy little thing called life and I'm gonna do its magical little healy thing."

* * *

Xander: "Look at her. Tears of a clown, baby. Or is it, grins of a sad person? Or maybe it's - "

* * *

Larry: "So, the whole world sucks because a dead ditz made a wish?"

* * *

Buffy: "We fight, we die. Wishing doesn't change that."

Giles: "I have to believe in a better world."

Buffy: "Go ahead. I have to live in this one."

* * *

Aniankha: "You trusting fool. How do you know the other world is any better than this?"

Giles: "Because it has to be."

AMENDS

* * * * *

Xander: "Angel? Weird? What are the odds?"

* * *

Xander: "Oh, it must be that whole 'Angel killed his girlfriend and tortured him' thing. Hey, Giles is pretty petty when it comes to stuff like that."

* * *

Xander: "That's the Christmas spirit."

Willow: "Hello, still Jewish. Hanukkah spirit I believe that was."

* * *

Oz: "This is what I do know. I miss you, like every second. Almost like I lost an arm, or worse, a torso."

* * *

Faith: "Well, 'tis the season..whatever that means."

* * *

Angel: "What do you want?"

Ms. Calendar/First Evil: "I wanna die in bed surrounded by fat grandchildren, but..I guess that's off the menu."

* * *

Buffy: "I'm not seeing him anymore. I'm trying to put all this behind me, and I'm not gonna be able to as long as we're both doing guest-spots in each other's dreams."

* * *

Xander: "I think right now the best plan is to deck the halls with bows of holly."

* * *

Buffy: "Giles he's slipping! I think we're losing him."

Giles: "You realize that if he truly becomes a danger, you may have to kill him...again. Can you do that?"

* * *

Angel: "I'll never hurt her."

Ms. Calendar/First Evil: "You were born to hurt her, have you learned nothing? As long as you are alive-"

Angel: "Then I'll die."

* * *

Buffy: "No wonder you like this stuff, it's like reading the Sun."

GINGERBREAD

* * * * *

Willow: "Makes me greatful that my mom's not interested in my extracirricular activities. Or..my cirricular activities."

* * *

Xander: "Look, everyone expects me to mess up again. Like Oz. I see how he is around me. You know, that steely gaze, that..pointed silence."

Buffy: "'Cause he's usually such a chatterbox."

Xander: "No, but it's different now. It's more a verbal non-verbal."

* * *

Giles: "They confiscated my books."

Buffy: "Giles, we need those books!"

Giles: "Believe me, I've tried to tell that to the nice man with the big gun."

* * *

Giles: "Ordinarily I'd say let's widen our research."

Buffy: "Using what? A dictionary, a My-Friend-Flicka?"

* * *

Snyder: "Just how is, um, 'Blood Rites and Sacrifices' appropriate material for a public school library? Chess club branching out?"

* * *

Buffy: "Did that sentence just make some sense that I'm not in on?"

* * *

Willow: "Mom, I'm not an age group. I'm me. Willow group."

* * *

Oz(to Giles): "Take heart. We found your books."

Xander: "You can put the heart back, we can't get 'em, they're locked up in City Hall."

* * *

Giles: "Of course. It makes sense now."

Buffy: "Yeah, it's all falling into place. Of course that place is no where near this place."

* * *

Cordelia: "How many times have you been knocked out anyway? I swear, one of these times you're gonna wake up in a coma."

Giles: "Wake up in a c..Oh never mind. We have to save Buffy from Hanzel and Gretel."

Cordelia: "Now, let's be clear. The brain damage happened *before* I hit you."

* * *

Willow(to angry mob): "You've seen what we can do, another step and you will all feel my power!"

Buffy(to Willow): "What're you gonna do, float a pencil at 'em?"

HELPLESS

* * * * *

Angel: "You probably have plans."

Buffy: "Right. Birthday, um..actually I-I do have a thing."

Angel: "Oh. A thing. Date?"

Buffy: "Nice attempt at casual. Actually, I do have a date. Older man, very handsome, likes it when I call him 'Daddy'."

Angel: "Your father. It is your father, right?"

* * *

Buffy: "Boy that was really funny looking. Could you do it again?"

Vampire: "I'll kill you for that."

Buffy: "Oh that. What were you trying to kill me for before?"

* * *

Buffy: "On top of that I got a bad case of the dizzies last night, and almost let a vamp stake me..with my own stake. I'm way off my game, my game's left the country, it's in Kornivocka."

* * *

Willow: "I went to see Snoopy on Ice when I was little. My dad took me backstage..and I got so scared I threw up on Woodstock."

* * *

Oz: "It's not so girly. Ice is cool. It's water..but it's not."

* * *

Buffy: "So, how's it goin' with Amy the rat?"

Willow: "Good. She loves her new exercise wheel. She runs around, her nose wiggles, and-"

Buffy: "I meant..how's it going changing her back into a human being."

Willow: "Oh. Still working on it. But I just got her the cutest little bell, it's just.."

* * *

Cordy: "Did someone take her memory? He's Giles. Gi-les. He hangs out here a lot."

* * *

Cordy: "But if the world doesn't end, I'm gonna need a note."

* * *

Watcher's Council guy: "Congatulations once again."

Buffy: "Bite me."

Watcher's Council guy: "Yes..well..colorful girl."

* * *

Willow: "Now, now, when you say fired..do you mean *fired*?"

Xander: "You're not cruisin' past that concept anytime soon are ya?"

Willow: "Well it's just, he's been *fired*, he's, he's unemployed, he's..*between jobs*."

Buffy: "Giles isn't going anywhere Willow. He's still librarian."

Willow: "Okay, but I'm *writing* an angry letter."

Buffy: "You know, nothing's really gonna change. The important thing is that I kept up my special birthday tradition of..gut wrenching misery and horror."

Oz: "Bright side to everything."

* * *

Buffy(to Xander, who's opening a jar for her): "You're loving this *far* too much."

Xander: "Admit it, sometimes you just need a big, strong, man." (unable to open it) "Ah Will, give me a hand with that."

THE ZEPPO

* * * * *

Buffy: "Will, are you okay?"

Willow: "Yeah, I'm fine. The-the shaking is-is a side effect of the fear."

* * *

Willow: "Are you okay?"

Xander: "Tip-top. Really. If anyone sees my spine laying around just try not to step on it."

* * *

Xander: "Who at a crucial moment distracted the lead demon by allowing her to pummel him about the head?"

* * *

Buffy(referring to the demon bodies): "Should we burn them?"

Willow: "I brought marshmellows." (The group gives her a look) "Occasionally I'm callous and strange."

* * *

Xander(to Cordy): "Why am I surprised by how comforting you're *not*?"

* * *

Xander: "I need a thing. One thing nobody else has. What do I have?"

Oz: "An exciting new obsession..which I feel makes you very special."

Xander: "And now with the mocking."

* * *

Buffy: "And they're here in Sunnydale for what? Demon Expo?"

Giles: "Buffy, this is no laughing matter."

Buffy: "Hence my no laughing."

* * *

Buffy: "Giles..I don't need to *see* the math."

* * *

Cordelia: "Ooh, again I strike the nerve. I am the surgeon of mean."

* * *

Giles: "All we know is that the fate of the entire world rests on the..did you eat all the jellies?"

* * *

Xander: "Your car came outta nowhere."

Jack: "I was parked."

Xander: "Exactly."

* * *

Giles: "There's something..different about this. I mean there's something in the air. The stench of death."

Xander: "Yeah, I think it's Bob."

* * *

Xander(to dead guy): "Shoulda learned by now..if you're gonna play with fire you gotta expect sooner or later.." (Dead guy runs off) "I wasn't finished!"

* * *

Xander: "Dumb guy..little bomb..How hard can it be?"

BAD GIRLS

* * * * *

Xander: "Harvard. Yale. Weslyin. Some German..polytechnical institute who's name I, uh..I can't pronounce. Is anyone else intimidated? 'Cause I'm just expecting thin slips of paper with the words 'No way' written in cram."

Oz: "They're typing those now."

* * *

Xander: "I feel your pain Will. Like right now I'm torn between the fast growing fields of appliance repair and motel management. Course, I'm still waiting to hear back from the, um, Corn Dog emporium, so.."

* * *

Oz: "Oh, if I may suggest..graduate. Gettin' left back..not the thrill-ride you'd expect."

* * *

Xander(to Cordelia): "I'm not gonna waste the perfect come-back on you now..but don't think I don't have one. Oh yes..it's time will come."

* * *

Giles(to Wesley, the new Watcher): "No danger of finding those here."

Wesley: "Vampires?"

Giles: "Controlled circumstances."

* * *

Buffy(to Wesley): "Whenever Giles sends me on a mission he always says please. And afterwards I get a cookie!"

* * *

Giles(to Wesley): "If you want to criticize my methods, fine. But you can keep your snide remarks to yourself, and while you're at it..don't criticize my methods."

* * *

Wesley: "Stay calm Mr. Giles. We have to stay calm."

Giles: "Thank god you're here, I was planning to panic."

* * *

Bulbazor: "You know what I want."

Giles: "If it's for me to scrub those hard-to-reach areas I'd like to request you kill me now." Vampire pushes him. "Ow."

Wesley: "Are you out of your mind? This is hardly the time for games."

Giles: "Why not? They're only gonna torture us to death anyway."

* * *

Mayor(to Mr. Trick): "This officially commenses the hundred days. Nothing can harm me until the essention." Bursts out laughing. "Gosh I'm feeling chipper. Who's for a rootbeer?"

CONSEQUENCES

* * * * *

Buffy: "You mean..like that intervention thing you guys did on me? As I recall, Xander and I nearly came to blows."

Xander: "Ah, *you* nearly came to blows Buffy, I nearly came..to loss of limbs."

* * *

Angel(to Faith): "Sorry about the chains. It's not that I don't trust you, it..actually it is that I don't trust you."

* * *

Buffy: "How's she doing?"

Angel: "It's like talking to a wall. Only you'd get *more* from a wall."

* * *

Wesley: "What can I do? I want to help."

Buffy: "Still got your ticket back to the mother country?"

* * *

Mr. Trick(when Faith stakes him): "*Oh* no. No, this is not good at *all*." (He then combusts).

* * *

Faith: "You sent your boy to kill me."

Mayor: "That's right. I did."

Faith: "He's dust."

Mayor: "I thought he might be...what, with you standing here and all."

DOPPLEGANGLAND

* * * * *

Anya: "And now I'm stuck at Sunnydale High. A mortal. A child. And I'm flunking math."

* * *

Buffy: "He even has that test to see if you're crazy that asks if you ever hear voices or if you ever wanted to be a flourist."

Willow: "Ooh, I used to want...wait, flourist means crazy right? I never wanted to do that."

* * *

Willow(to Buffy): "Aren't you sorta naturally buff, Buff?"

* * *

Willow(to Buffy): "Plus you'll definately ace her on the psych test. Just don't mark the box that says 'I sometimes like to kill people'."

* * *

Willow: "I-I'm not sure I understand the marriage part."

Snyder: "You got the brains, he's got the fast break. It's a perfect match."

Willow: "Match? You want us to breed?"

* * *

Faith(to Buffy): "You're gonna love it B. It's just like fun, only..boring."

* * *

Oz(to Willow): "There's something about you that's causing me to hug you. It's like I have no will of my own."

* * *

Giles(about Willow when they think she's dead): "She was truly..the finest of all of us."

Xander: "Way better than me."

Giles: "Much, much better."

* * *

Willow: "It's..really nice that you guys missed me. Say! You all didn't happen to do a buncha drugs did ya?"

* * *

Buffy: "Giles, planning on jumping in with an explanation anytime soon?"

Giles: "Well, uh...something...something, um..very strange is happening." A period of silence follows, he doesn't continue.

Xander: "Can you believe the Watcher's Council let this guy go?"

* * *

Willow(sarcastically): "Oh right. Me and Oz play 'Mistress of Pain' every night."

Xander: "Did anyone else just go to a scary visual place?"

* * *

Angel: "Buffy. Something's happened that . . . Willow's dead." He notices Willow standing there. "Hey Willow."

* * *

Willow: "That's horrible! That's me as a vampire? I'm so evil and..skanky."

* * *

Buffy: "First sign of trouble you give us the signal. We come in hard and fast."

Xander: "What *is* the signal?"

Willow: "Me screaming."

* * *

Willow(to Buffy): "Don't worry. I won't do anything that could be interpretted as brave."

* * *

Cordy(to Wesley): "Willow. They got Willow. So, you doing anything tonight?"

* * *

Willow: "Strangely, I feel like staying at home. And doing my homework. And flossing. And dying a virgin."

Buffy: "You know you *can* O.D. on virtue."

ENEMIES

* * * * *

Buffy: "From the title I thought it was about food."

Angel: "Well there was food."

Buffy: "Right. The-the-the scene with the food."

* * *

Buffy(to Angel): "I just don't like to rub your nose in it. Suddenly wondering where that expression comes from."

* * *

Demon: "What're you, nuts? Going around punching people."

Buffy: "People."

Demon: "So what, I'm a demon. That makes it okay?"

* * *

Giles: "Demons after money. Whatever happened to the still-beating heart of a virgin? No one has any standards anymore."

* * *

Xander: "And on the day the words 'flimsy excuse' were redefined, we stood in awe and watched."

* * *

Mayor: "So you couldn't give him that one moment of true happiness."

Faith: "I was thinking more along the lines of a long weekend, but okay."

* * *

Buffy: "You beat up Willy?"

Xander: "Sure. Well actually let's just say I applied some pressure. Or more accurately that I, uh..asked politely..and then... Okay, I bribed him."

* * *

Buffy: "It's down by the bus station. *Not* the nicest part of town."

Giles: "Again, see? No standards. I mean any self-respecting demon should be living in a pit of filth or a nice crypt."

* * *

Mayor: "Between the chanting and the sacrifice, my golf game is *shot*."

* * *

Buffy: "I went to Angel's last night..and Faith was there. They looked sort of..intimate."

Willow: "No way. I know what you're thinking, and *no way*."

Buffy: "You're right. I mean Faith..would never do that."

Willow: "Faith would *totally* do that. Faith was *built* to do that. She's the 'do that' girl-"

Buffy: "Comfort, remember? Comfort..here."

Willow: "I mean, please. Does Angel come up to..Faith's standards for a guy? Let's see..is he *breathing*?"

Buffy: "Actually, no."

* * *

Cordy: "I'm in Wesley's group."

Giles: "There is just the one group."

Cordy: "*Yes*. And I am in it."

* * *

Xander(imitating Cordy): "I love when you talk Wesley. I love when you sing Wesley. Can you say the words 'jail bait' Wesley?"

* * *

Xander: "You know how some people hate to say 'I told you so'? Not me. I told you so. Angel's back..in the really bad sense, and, um...I told you so."

* * *

Willow(about a demon): "His debt to you is repayed? What did you do?"

Giles: "I introduced him to his wife."

* * *

Willow(to Buffy): "At least Angel's not bad though. That's good right?"

Xander: "Yes, I feel so much better knowing that he broke my face in the *good* way. It's a *good* bruise."

* * *

Mayor(to Faith): "I've got two words, that are gonna make *all* the pain go away. Miniture..golf." He then bursts out laughing. A few seconds later, she does too.

More