The Deal: This is a fanfic based on the rumor that Angel will be made temporarily human this season(though I doubt it'll turn out quite like this). Of course, nothing comes without a price.
Note: The song lyrics have a star(*) at the beginning and end of each of the lyrics. I'm aware that the song's a couple years old, but I like it and it's staying there. The only song lyrics used are the ones to 'Name' by the Goo Goo Dolls.
When: I wrote this after 'Dopplegangland'
The Present
He awakes in the darkness and immediately senses another presence in the room. He tenses up, and tries to clear his vision. "Get up old buddy." someone says amidst the darkness. He recognizes the voice right away. "You and me gotta talk."
A Few Days Ago
Him and Buffy sit on a couch at the Bronze, his arms around her waist. They sit in silence, just listening to the music of the band playing onstage.
*And even though the moment
Passed me by
I still can't turn away*
"Buffy?" he uttered, breaking the silence. The other's were off doing their own thing, which only left them. "Yeah?" she'd replied. He sighed. "Do you ever wish...I don't know...that things could be different?" She turned her head to the side, and looked up questioningly into his eyes. "How?" she asked. "I don't know," he'd replied "Do you ever think it'd be easier if we'd..never met?" Her eyes revealed shock, and she quickly shook her head "No!" she said, then "Well...maybe. But not better. My life before you was...empty. I just wish...I wish that we could be happy together." She looked down, sadly. He nodded, and they drifted back into comfortable silence.
*I saw the dreams you never
Thought you'd lose
Tossed along the way*
A Few Hours Before The Present
Buffy wrote in her diary, tired after another long night of slaying. She thought for a minute, and then began to write again.
'Dear Diary,
Same as usual; training, patrolling, slaying. All in a day's(and night's) work. Oh well, it's not like I can get out of this destiny gig. I just wish...I just wish that I could get a break sometimes. I wish that I could be with *him*. Even though the problems wouldn't go away completely, it would help me enjoy what will probably be a short life a lot more. I wish that I could forget the world for just a little while. I wish...'
'No,' she thought 'This is just torture. Why dream of something I can never have? It just makes the truth a whole lot worse.' With that thought, she ripped the page from her diary..crumpling it up into a ball and tossing it. She sighed. 'Why?'
*Letters that you never
Meant to send
Lost or thrown away*
Three Years Ago
The Slayer sneaks silently up to her room, praying she wasn't caught. Voices drifted from the kitchen, and soon the sound of yelling could be heard as she made her way up to her room. Her parents were fighting...as always. She'd been out slaying, and was now hoping that her parents hadn't noticed her absence. The yelling between them went on for a while longer, before eventually subsiding. She cringed at the sound of a door slamming, knowing that her mother had given up for the night. Tears rolled from her eyes as she began to wonder if they'd *ever* work their problems out, and a part of her knew they wouldn't. That hurt alot, but she tried to tell herself that everything would work itself out...sobbing all the while. Deep down, she blamed all of this on herself...and this stupid destiny of hers.
He looked on from a disatnce, watching her cry by her bedroom window. And he cried with her. He hadn't cried for anyone in so long that he'd almost forgotten the feeling...that of compassion. He hadn't cried for any of his many victims, feeling unworthy of the tears. He hadn't cried for his own family..or friends..whose lives had been taken by his own hand. He'd just let the guilt eat silently away at him, as he saw each of his victims - loved ones - faces. Yet he cried for her. She was so young, still so innocent to the world...only to have this 'destiny' thrust upon her. Was it her destiny to die? She deserved *so* much more...to laugh..and to live... and to have a normal life. But now she would never get to have that, and so he wept. He knew how it felt, to have your life..your future..ripped away from you. To have all your dreams taken away, only to serve as memories of a long buried past. He would give up his own life - loosely termed so - if he could only save her from hers. He'd lived far too long.. longer than most would ever have the chance to. But she'd never get to live out her life..her dreams..for that had been taken from her merely by being chosen for something far greater than herself. She was no longer a young woman, but a Slayer..forced to live and fight a war few would ever know of. Forced into isolation and terror. What he wouldn't give to save her from this.
*And now we're grown up orphans
That never knew their names
Don't belong to no one
That's a shame*
The Present
She felt a comforting presence nearby as she awoke. Her eyes opened..only to find Angel smiling down at her. She smiled back at him, still drowsy with the last remanents of sleep. "Hey," she said to him, before glancing at the alarm clock by her bed. It read 6:23 a.m. Almost sunrise. That finally clicked and she looked at him with wide eyes, now fully awake. "Angel, it's almost sunrise! What are you doing here?!" He just took her hand silently and placed it to his chest. It only took a moment for her to realize what was drastically wrong. "A-Angel, your heart..." she uttered in disbelief. He filled her in "Whistler told me it was a sort of temporary gift from the Powers that Be. They said we both need a little faith..something to believe in. It hurt like hell, but..." He continued "I have until tomorrow. At 6:00 a.m. I'll be a vampire again...*with* a soul." She didn't know if she could comprehend all of this. "Angel..you mean...?" "I'm human Buffy." he stated. After a second, she quickly got up from the bed..guiding him over to the window. "Then it's time to see the sun again." she told him as she climbed through. He followed her, and they jumped to the ground. He wrapped his arms around her, and she leaned into his embrace as they waited for the sun to rise. As it slowly made its way over the horizon - taking it's time - it lit everything around it. And as the rays hit his face, basking it in its glow, her heart felt more joy than a thousand destinies could ever give her. And she knew that she would remember this moment and day for the rest of her life, and beyond.
They found themselves on a beach, watching the tide roll in. After viewing the sunrise together - being the only time they ever would - they'd just walked through Sunnydale(after she changed clothes of course). They'd ended up here, enjoying the fact that they could just be together for even one day. The rolling of the waves had captivated them as they sat on the shoreline...and they looked into each other's eyes, smiles playing on each's faces. "I love you." she told him, hoping that time would freeze so they could stay this way forever, not having to fear their love. "I love *you*." he replied. Nothing he'd ever felt could compare to the way he felt now. He still couldn't believe that this wasn't a dream..that he was here with her in the light of day. Every moment they had together felt like something given by destiny..something not to be taken for granted. It didn't matter what they did, or where they were. What mattered was that they were together. That's all that would ever matter.
*You could hide beside me
Maybe for a while
And I won't tell no one your name
I won't tell 'em your name*
They lay awake in the bed in the mansion, in each other's arms. This was what they had missed the first time, the just being together part..for they'd both fallen asleep pretty much right afterwards. She sighed against him, wishing for this to be able to go on forever...wishing that they could always be together. She wished that the reality that this could never work - despite their denial - didn't always have to intrude. But for now, there was no need for reality..for they had each other. But her reverie was broken all too soon by the sound of footsteps in the hallway outside of the room. They stopped right by the doorway, and a voice broke the silence. "You guys still in there?" "Whistler." came Angel's startled voice. "I'll be downstairs," said the Whistler "Come down whenever you two are ready." The footsteps then where heard moving back down the hallway. They looked at each other. "We should probably go," Angel said "See what he wants." She nodded in agreement.
A Little Bit Later
They sat together in the silence of the mansion, going over in their minds what they'd just been told by the Whistler. It just couldn't be...but it was. How could their love have come to this?
"Thing is," Whistler had told them "I haven't been completely honest with you about this." They'd waited for him to go on, and he did. "Angel has to leave Sunnydale," he'd told them bluntly "He has to go to L.A.'s Hellmouth, and make amends for the crimes he committed. I know that - technically - none of it was his fault, it was the demon, but..." "I have to make up for it anyway." Angel had filled in for him. Whistler nodded "I know..the deal sucks. But it's the way it has to be." Angel let it sink in, and knew there was no other way.
*Scars are souvenirs
You never lose
The past is never far*
"What does he have to pay for? He's not the demon." Buffy had interjected, angrily. "No," Whistler had said "And no one ever said this was gonna be fair...it just has to be." He paused, before going on "You were his destiny. To help and protect you...that was his purpose. But you two weren't supposed to fall in love, he was supposed to keep his distance. Your love was a sort of 'unseen fate', doomed to the cirrcumstances in your lives. I'm not saying that it'll always be this way, but you guys can't be together...at least, not for now anyway. So this is his new destiny...to save souls and punish demons. And as I said, that's how it's gotta be." "When?" Buffy had asked. "Tomorrow," Whistler'd said "We gotta leave tomorrow." Then there had been a long period of silence between them. "I'll leave you guys to talk," he'd then looked to Angel "But I'll be back for you tomorrow, when it's time." Then he'd left.
So here they were...left alone with their thoughts. Angel thought of this...of his own destiny. His own destiny. One without her in it. He didn't want to consider it, but knew it had to be. Losing his soul had changed everything...including the course of their love.
*Did you lose yourself
Somewhere out there
Did you get to be a star*
Buffy turned around to look him in the eye...tears coming from her own. She didn't know if she could stand this..losing him again. She'd lost him when he'd lost his soul, she'd lost him when she'd had to send him to Hell, she'd lost him when he'd come back insane, and she'd continued to lose him with the knowledge that they could never be together. Now she was losing him because he had his own 'destiny' to fulfill. He didn't know when or if he'd return, or if she'd still be alive when he did. The future was uncertain, and it scared her. He held her as his tears matched her own.
*Don't it make you sad
To know that life
Is more than who we are*
The Next Night
"Good-bye." he told her outside of the mansion, before kissing the top of her head. She leaned against him, tears pouring down from her eyes. She let out a deep, ragged sigh. "I'll miss you." she told him, her voice cracking with emotion. "And I'll miss *you*." he told her in reply. He moved back a little, lifting her chin so her gaze met his. "Hey," he said "I love you. Always." 'That's a promise.' he thought. "I love you too," she told him emotionally "You've been so much to me for so long..." she trailed off, then stated as a promise "I'll never forget you." He embraced her tightly, before letting her go forever. "Good-bye, my love." he whispered as he faded into the night's shadows. She let out a loud sob, now alone. "I'll always love you," she whispered, knowing he could hear her "*Always*." Then she turned away, leaving the lonely scene behind her forever. As well as the last remanents of their love's good-bye.
*You grew up way too fast
And now there's nothing to believe
And reruns all become our history
A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio*
He watched her go from the darkness...wishing to be able to just run back into her arms..her loving embrace. He felt a hand rest upon his shoulder, and he knew it was time to leave. "I wish things coulda been different for you guys," Whistler said "I really do. But it's over. It's time to go." Angel nodded and turned around to go with him. 'Good-bye' he silently called out to her, leaving her behind for good.
*And I won't tell no one your name
I won't tell 'em your name
I won't tell 'em your name
I won't tell 'em your name*
A Year Later
She looked up into the night sky as she sat alone in the park. As she did she thought of him, and of all of their time together. She knew she could never change how things were, and that they could never be together...but she couldn't help but think about it. And as she thought, happiness swept over her...because she knew they'd always have the memory of their love..and of the time they shared. She could never regret anything that they'd shared, no matter what the outcome had been. She'd loved every second with him...and would always hold a place for him in her heart. He'd been her first love...her true love. Even though she may fall in love again, someday, no other could ever replace him...or the love they'd shared.
*I think about you
All the time
But I don't need the same*
She knew he'd want her to move on, and she'd try. But in her heart, her love for him would remain strong...not fading throughout the days. Their time apart meant nothing...it was their time *together* that had meant so much that it had forever touched their lives. If ever there was a way they could be together, at any time in the future, she'd want to. But for now, it was a memory forever etched upon her life. He'd always be with her, if only in memory. And if he ever returned, she'd still be there. Always...
*If it gets lonely where you are
Come back down
And I won't tell 'em your name*