Disclaimer: Buffy, Xander, Willow, Oz, Angel, Spike, Drucilla, Kendra, Cordilia, Faith, Giles, Joyce Summers, the Whistler, the Mayor, and Principal Snyder all belong to Joss Whedon, the luckiest man in the world, and the WB network. Any description of past episodes also belong to Joss. The story line and any additional characters belong to me.
Authors Note: This story picks up the Buffy/Angel romance from where the last episode, “The Prom”, leaves off.
Part 1: The Bronze Crowd
As Buffy and Willow made their way through the crowds of The Bronze
to their regular table, waiting for the band The Dingo’s Ate My Baby that
Oz, Willow’s boyfriend, was in to come on, Buffy recognized a familiar figure
in the far corner talking to Codilia, Xander’s ex-girlfriend. Willow noticed
the immediate sadness overtake her best friend.
“Buffy, what's wrong?” Willow asked in her usual caring and concerned manner.
Buffy answered her with one word, quiet and uttered in a voice dripping with the sadness of unshed tears. “Angel.”
“Where?”
“Over there, talking to Cordilia.”
Willow looked over, shocked that Angel would be talking to The Queen Of The Sluts.
"Buffy, I’m sure it’s all right. I mean, he wouldn’t try to find a new girlfriend, ever. He loves you way to much to go and do something like that.”
“If he loves me so much, then why does he keep hurting me?”
Pain clouded Buffy’s voice, and Willow put her arm around her friend as she began to cry once again. They hadn’t seen Buffy happy in a week, ever since Angel left her, slowly but surely breaking the heart and spirit of the Chosen One, Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Angel looked over once again and saw Buffy crying, Willow’s arms gently rapped around her as she tried to comfort her best friend. It hurt so much to see her crying like that, and because of him, that he could barely keep himself from running over to her and hugging her. It was breaking his heart to se her in so much pain. He hated watching her, and being unable to help.
“Hello? Since when were you so rude?” Cordilia’s words broke through his train of thought, and he turned his attention back to the young girl in front of him, rambling on and on about Wesley, Buffy’s new Watcher.
As Buffy sat in the crowded hangout, she remembered. He had told her that he loved her, and that he didn’t want to be with her. He had called their relationship a freak show. When she thought of their conversation in the sewer, she began to cry again.
“Willow, I don’t feel very well. I’m gonna call it a night.”
“But you just got here. Don’t you wanna at least wait for Xander?”
“Not with Angel hanging around. I can’t believe he would talk to her, and not even notice me.”
Willow looked at Angel and Cordilia again. Angel was pretending to pay attention to Cordy, but Willow noticed that he was looking at them.
“Buffy, he noticed you. I mean, in the sense that he’s looking right at you.”
Buffy whirled around in her seat, and Angel didn’t look away fast enough. Buffy took off running, and both Angel and Willow ran after her. As Buffy reached the doors, she ran strait into Xander.
“Hey Buff, what's up?” Xander asked, but Buffy just pushed past him and ran off into the night. Willow ran up and explained everything that had happened while Angel ran into the night to find the Slayer before she found another vampire.
Part 2: Into The Night
As Buffy ran, she could since that someone, or something, was behind
her. She knew who it was. The one person that knew where she would be headed..
Angel. The thought that he was following her only made her remember their
first meeting. She remembered how she had been caught in the ally, and he
came up to her, warned her of the coming Harvest, and gave her the cross she
was now wearing. She took off the necklace and threw it to the ground in
disgust. ‘Well, if he knows me so well, lets see if he can find me.’ she
thought, as she ran even faster towards the dark ally ahead of them.
Angel knelt down and saw the cross he had given Buffy on their first real meeting lying on the ground. He carefully rapped the sleeve of his coat around his hand and, picking up the cross, continued towards the ally he knew Buffy was going to.
Buffy paced the ally, knowing that Angel was there, hidden among the shadows. She was tired, and sad. She knew that she had to tell him that she knew he was there. She just wasn’t quite sure how. So, in a tone she had never used before, a tone filled with hatred masking an undying love, in a tone that broke both of their hearts, she spoke out against her true love.
“What do you want, Angel? To play Mr. Cryptic and hurt me even more, as if that’s possible?”
When Angel heard her talking, herd the sorrow and love masked by hatred, he stopped cold in his tracks, and with a heart full of sorrow, answered her, his own voice full of love, compassion, sorrow, and suffering.
“To talk.”
“About what? How you somehow managed to break my heart again, to destroy my world?”
The pain in her voice spoke of unshed tears. It was something Angel knew about all to well, and something that Buff was only beginning to learn about.
“Buffy”
“Angel, no! Why are you doing this to me? You tell me you love me, and then turn around and tell me you don’t want to be with me, and you still expect me to want to talk to you?!?”
The pain in her voice sliced through Angels already tortured soul, and he emerged from the shadows.
As Angel emerged from the shadows, Buffy felt like her heart had been
ripped in two. It hurt so much to see him, even if she did act tough all the
time.
“You dropped this.” He said, holding out the silver cross, being
careful only to tough it with his coat sleeve. Buffy reluctantly took the
cross back, tears welling up in her eyes.
“Thanks.” Her voice was full of a sadness she couldn’t stop from
overtaking her.
“Buffy . . . “ He began to try and comfort her, but she cut him off
abruptly.
“Angel, don’t! You have no right to do this! You dumped me, and you
keep expecting me to treat you like we were still together! Don’t you get
it?!?” She was pacing frantically around the ally, trying to avoid his eyes.
She knew if she looked into his eyes, all of her self-control would be gone.
“You broke my heart! And not just this time. This is like .... like the 6th
time, and you expect me to just instantly forgive you?!? Why don’t you just
save us both the heart ache and leave me alone?!”
With her last statement, she ran off into the night, into all the
dangers that the Chosen One must face, leaving a fallen Angel behind in a
lonely, deserted ally.
Part 3: Fallen Souls
As he walked home, he thought back over everything that had happened
since he met her. The first time he saw her, when she was called, their first
meeting, their first kiss, the night he lost his soul. As he remembered the
night, he cursed himself for not being able to recreate that moment. Them
together, truly together. He remembered everything he had done when he didn’t
have a soul, how she had been forced to send him to hell. He also remembered
everything they had been through since he had come back. How it had taken
months for them to start acting like a couple again. How much he missed her
now. He entered the mansion and went into the main bedroom where, only a
weeks ago, he and Buffy had laid when she spent the night. The event that had
started the changes that had led to him leaving her. He fell on the bed, in
tears, as he remembered her warm touch, and the feeling of her warm body
lying next to him.
As Buffy ran home, she tried to block out all of the memories, but
the last 3 years came flooding back. She remembered everything that had
happened between her and Angel.
When she got home, she turned on the radio, and allowed herself to
remember as the lyrics of her favorite songs came on, singing and playing in
time with the events of her life.
As Angel lay on his bed, crying all of the tears that had built up in
him over the years, a song started to play on his stereo. It was one all to
familiar to him, one that brought back painful memories, and yet he didn’t
turn it off.
"It’s daybreak
But before I go
I look at your lips
And your hands That I held in mine
I’ll remember you
Your eyes
And your body
I’ll remember you
As the song played, both of the star-crossed lovers remembered the
first time they had broken up. They were in the Bronze, and this song was
playing in the background. Buffy was sitting at a table with Willow and
Xander when Willow pointed out that Angel was there. Buffy slowly made her
way over to him. Angel told her how they couldn’t be together, that it
wouldn’t work. They had said goodbye with a kiss, Buffy’s silver cross, the
one Angel had given her, burning him.
"Take me over, I’m lying down
Now that I’ve found this love
I’m a fire, burning like a house aflame
Take me over, I’m lying down
As the song played, Buffy remembered the dream she had had right
before her birthday about Drucilla being alive. At the time she had thought
it was silly, she couldn't possibly have survived the church collapsing
around her, but she had.
"Close your eyes, make a wish
Chorus:
Girl relax, let’s go slow
Chorus:
Baby tonight is your night
Chorus:
As the song played, Buffy turned out her light and climbed into her
bed. She began to remember the night Angel had lost his soul, the night they
had made love. The song brought tears to her eyes, as well as to his. But the
memory also brought a soft smile to their lips.
It was the night of her 17th birthday. After Buffy’s surprise party,
and after she and Angel had discovered that the Judge was fully assembled,
they had ran out of the warehouse through the sewer system, and found it
raining outside, so they went to the nearest dry place ... back to Angels
apartment. They had sat on the bed, Angel looking at Buffy’s wound, and
started kissing. Well, the rest is history in the demon world.
Angel remembered too. He remembered how he had awoke in such pain, his
soul being torn from his body, and him being powerless to stop it. He
remembered how he had cried out for Buffy in the ally, but she hadn’t heard
him. He remembered everything he did to her as the demon Angelus after that.
"Every night in my dreams I see you, I feel you
Near, far, wherever you are.
Love can touch us one time and last for a lifetime.
Near, far, wherever you are.
You’re here, there’s nothing I fear.
Buffy tossed and turned in her sleep, dreaming, remembering. She
dreamed of the morning at Angels apartment when she found out he no longer
had his soul. He had told her that she wasn’t the first, and that she had a
lot to learn. He had been so cruel. Telling her that the hardest thing was
pretending to love her, and that if he knew she would be this easy he
wouldn’t have bothered pretending.
"The winter here’s cold, and bitter
If all of the strength and all of the courage
It’s better this way, I said
If all of the strength and all of the courage
As the song played, Buffy began to dream about the morning at the
mansion when Angelus had opened the demon Acathla’s mouth. Buffy had been
forced to fight Angelus, and as he had her cornered he said. “No friends, no
weapons, no hope. Take it all away, and what to you have left?” She grabbed
his sword as he thrust it at her. “ME” And then she caught him in in front of
the demon without any weapons for him to defend himself. She kicked him,
knocking him to the ground. Right as she was about to send him to Hell,
closing the portal, Willow had restored his soul. They had kissed, said ‘I
love you’ to each other, and then she had been forced to kill her one true
love and allow him to be sucked into Hell.
"Everything is quiet, since you’re not around,
And they say where’s that crazy girl?
I only know this cause I am, way back down,
She dreamed of her life in L.A., on the run for the summer. Of the
friends she had made their, and of her friends in Sunnydales reaction when
she finally came home.
"You and me
Chorus:
Our memories...
And we die, both you and I
Chorus:
It’s all ending
Chorus:
Chorus:
As the sad love song came on, both Angel and Buffy remembered the
events of the last week. Their break up in the sewers, their meeting at the
butcher shop, their one dance at Buffy’s Senior Prom. Buffy remembered how
much it had hurt to have him come and hold her close to him again, and then
tell her it was just a one-night thing. She had missed him so much. Angel had
missed her, too. For the first time in 243 years, he was truly crying from
emotion, instead of physical pain. Nothing had ever hurt him as much as
having to do this to Buffy, not even the memories of him killing his family.
"I could stay awake just to hear you breathing,
Chorus
Lying close to you feeling your heart beating,
Chorus
I don’t wanna miss one smile,
Chorus
Chorus
Angel tossed and turned, knowing that the song said everything he
felt about Buffy, except for how much he missed her. He knew that he was
doing the right thing, but his heart just wouldn’t except the fact that he
was once again living his life without Buffy.
Part 4: The Sunrise
She put on her black leggings and a light pink tank top. She packed
her bag with stakes, Holy Water, and several crosses, as well as a few
changes of clothing. She didn’t know how long she was going to be gone. She
really didn’t feel like talking to her mother about this, and she knew that
her mother would know something was wrong as soon as she saw her face. As she
walked out of the door, she saw the sun begin to climb in the sky with an
amazing flash of purples, blues, and reds.
When she reached Giles’ apartment door, she knocked twice. When the
door opened, she looked right into the face of a very surprised Giles.
“Buffy!”
“Hi. Can I come in?”
“Yes, yes. Of course.”
She quickly stepped into his apartment. She looked around and saw
that Giles had been in full research mode. Probably all night.
"What's wrong, Buffy? You look, rather, well, troubled.”
“You first. Is their some demon rising again?”
“Well, no. I was just trying to find ... a way to stop the Mayors
Ascension. Now, tell me, what is wrong with you?”
Thinking back over everything that had happened, she could no longer
keep her cool, and collapsed into Giles’ open arms crying.
“Shhh. Buffy, it will be all right. Come now, perk up. I bought ice
cream in case you came over. Would you care for some?”
Buffy pulled away and asked in a small, childish voice, “What
flavor?” Giles smiled.
“Rocky Road. Willow said that it is you favorite.”
“Okay. Why not. I could always use comfort food.”
So the two walked into the kitchen. Giles took out bowls and spoons
and dished up two very large bowls of the ice cream.
“Now, Buffy, tell me what happened.”
So Buffy told him everything that had happened between her and Angel
in the last week as they slowly ate. She told him what he had said to her in
the sewers, how she had found out that her mother had gone and talked to
Angel, and the things she had said to him in the ally after she had left the
Bronze. When she finished, she waited while Giles sat thinking about what she
had just told him. Finally, he said;
“Well, it looks like we need to find a spell that will permanently
restore his soul. I suppose that we should go back to the library and see if
we can’t turn something up?”
“Lets go. I’ll call Willow later and tell her to meet us there.”
“Right. One moment. I just need to put these things away.”
“k.”
So, after Giles had cleaned up the dishes and put the ice cream away,
they headed out the door and towards the Sunnydale High library.
As Angel watched her run off, he could feel his heart rip in half,
and he knew that she was hurting even more. He wanted her to know that he
didn’t want to be apart from her, and that he was only trying to do what was
best for her. He wished with all his heart that for once she would listen to
him. She never did.
And you are asleep
I can hear you breathe now
Your breath is deep
I look at you one last time
I can hear a heartbeat
Is it yours or is it mine?
I know how soft they can be
Did they know what they wanted
The times they kissed me?
Now they’re reposing on the pillow
Will they ever miss me sometime?
You will be in my heart
I’ll remember you
And that is all that I can do
But I’ll remember
That always make me shiver
Now they are closed
They just sometimes twitch a little
I could own for an hour
It sent me to Heaven
With its heat and power
You will be in my heart
I’ll remember you
And that is all that I can do
But I’ll remember"
Sophie Zelmani ~ I’ll Remember You
I’m giving in to you
I’m a hurricane
I can’t describe this feeling
Now that I’ve found this love
I’ll do anything for you
I am motionless
I can’t move or see you fly
Now that I’ve found this love
I’ll do anything for you
Now that I’ve found this love
I’m giving me
I’m a hurricane
Hurricane
Now that I’ve found this love
I’ll do anything for you"
Cari Howe ~ Anything
And blow out the candlelight
For tonight is just your night
We’re gonna celebrate, all thru the night
Pour the wine, light the fire
Girl your wish is my command
I submit to your demands
I’ll do anything, girl you need only ask
I’ll make love to you
Like you want me to
And I’ll hold you tight
Baby all through the night
I’ll make love to you
When you want me to
And I will not let go
Till you tell me to
I ain’t got nowhere to go
I’m just gonna concentrate on you
Girl are you ready, it’s gonna be a long night
throw your cloths on the floor
I’m gonna take my clothes off too
I made plans to be with you
Girl whatever you ask me, you know, I’ll do
I’ll make love to you
Like you want me to
And I’ll hold you tight
Baby all through the night
I’ll make love to you
When you want me to
And I will not let go
Till you tell me to
And I will do you right
Anything that you ask
I will give you the love of your life
I’ll make love to you
Like you want me to
And I’ll hold you tight
Baby all through the night
I’ll make love to you
When you want me to
And I will not let go
Till you tell me to"
Boyz II Men ~ I’ll Make Love To You
That is how I know you go on.
Far across the distance and spaces between us
You have come to show you go on.
I believe that the heart does go on.
Once more, you open the door
And you’re here in my heart.
And my heart will go on and on.
And never let go till we’re gone.
Love was when I loved you, one true time I hold to.
In my life we’ll always go on.
I believe that the heart does go on.
Once more, you open the door
And you’re here in my heart.
And my heart will go on and on.
And I know that my heart will go on.
We’ll stay forever this way.
You are safe in my heart.
And my heart will go on and on."
Celine Dion ~ My Heart Will Go On (Love Theme From ‘Titanic’)
It’s chilled us to the bone
We haven’t seen the sun for weeks
Too long too far from home
I feel just like I’m sinking
And I claw for solid ground
I’m pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh, darkness I feel like letting go
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better that this
Full of grace
Full of grace
My love
Having seen this place before
Where everything we said and do
Hurts us all the more
It’s just that we stayed, too long
In the same old sickly skin
I’m pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh, darkness i feel like letting go
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better that this
Full of grace
I know I could love you much better that this...
It’s better this way"
Sarah McLachlan ~ Full Of Grace
And I live in the numbness now.
In the background.
I do the things we did before,
I walk Haight Street to the store,
You don’t get drunk on red wine,
And light no more,
‘Cause I don’t see you anymore,
Since the hospital,
But the plans I make still have you in them,
Then you come swimming into view,
And I’m hanging on your words like I always used to do,
The words they use so lightly,
I only feel for you,
In the background.
Words they come and memories all repeat,
I lift your head while, they change the hospital sheets,
I would never lie to you, No
I would never lie to you, No
I felt you long after we were through.
And the plans I make still have you in them,
Cause you come swimming into view,
And I’m hanging on your words like I always used to do,
the words they use so lightly, I only feel for you,
I only know this cause I am, Way back down,
In the background."
Third-Eye Blind ~ The Background
We used to be together
Every day together, always
I really feel that I’m losing my best friend
I can’t believe this could be the end
It looks as though you’re letting go
And if it’s real,
Well I don’t want to know
Don’t speak
I know just what you’re saying
So please stop explaining
Don’t tell me ‘cause it hurts
Don’t speak
I know what you’re thinking
I don’t need your reasons
Don’t tell me ‘cause it hurts
They can be inviting
But some are altogether mighty frightening
With my head in my hands I sit and cry
Don’t speak
I know just what you’re saying
So please stop explaining
Don’t tell me ‘cause it hurts
Don’t speak
I know what you’re thinking
I don’t need your reasons
Don’t tell me ‘cause it hurts
I gotta stop pretending who we are.
You and me
I can see us dying...are we?
Don’t speak
I know just what you’re saying
So please stop explaining
Don’t tell me ‘cause it hurts
Don’t speak
I know what you’re thinking
I don’t need your reasons
Don’t tell me ‘cause it hurts
Don’t speak
I know just what you’re saying
So please stop explaining
Don’t tell me ‘cause it hurts
Don’t speak
I know what you’re thinking
I don’t need your reasons
Don’t tell me ‘cause it hurts"
No Doubt ~ Don’t Speak
Watch you smile while you are sleeping,
While you’re far away from dreaming,
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender,
i could stay lost in this moment forever,
Where every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure.
Don’t want to close my eyes,
I don’t want to fall asleep,
‘Cause I’d miss you baby,
And I don’t want to miss a thing.
‘Cause even when I dream of you,
The sweetest dream would never do,
I’d still miss you baby,
And I don’t want to miss a thing.
And I’m wondering what you’re seeing,
wondering if it’s me you’re seeing,
And then I kiss your eyes, and thank God we’re together...
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever --
Forever and ever.
Don’t want to close my eyes,
I don’t want to fall asleep,
‘Cause I’d miss you baby,
And I don’t want to miss a thing.
‘Cause even when I dream of you,
The sweetest dream would never do,
I’d still miss you baby,
And I don’t want to miss a thing.
I don’t wanna miss one kiss,
I just want to be right here with you, just like this,
I just wanna hold you close,
I feel your heart so close to mine,
And just here in this moment for all the rest of time.
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
Don’t want to close my eyes,
I don’t want to fall asleep,
‘Cause I’d miss you baby,
And I don’t want to miss a thing.
‘Cause even when I dream of you,
The sweetest dream would never do,
I’d still miss you baby,
And I don’t want to miss a thing.
Don’t want to close my eyes,
I don’t want to fall asleep,
‘Cause I’d miss you baby,
And I don’t want to miss a thing.
‘Cause even when I dream of you,
The sweetest dream would never do,
I’d still miss you baby,
And I don’t want to miss a thing."
Aerosmith ~ I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing
Buffy woke up at 6 in the morning, just before the sunrise. She knew
she would have to tell someone what had happened between her and Angel the
night before, and since it was Saturday, she only knew of one person who
would be awake. Giles. She would rather have discussed it with Willow, but
she didn’t have a choice.