Our story starts in 1993 after we were married - we both knew that we wanted children and we saw no reason to wait. After a year and a half of irregular menstrual cycles and no pregnancies I made some inquiries with my family doctor. He referred me to an OB/GYN in Brandon who informed me that I had no business trying to conceive because I was overweight and if I did get pregnant I would be at a risk of gestational diabetes. She would, however, schedule me for a D&C to clean out a build up of lining. Needless to say after she performed the D&C and my cycle returned to normal I never went back to her again (I know of many women who are heavier then I was and they had problem free pregnancies). I also never asked my family doctor for another referral - I think I was afraid I would get the same answer. In September of 1996, after we moved to Winnipeg, I again asked my new family doctor for a referral to someone who may be able to help me. She referred me to a wonderful doctor who specializes in infertility, by that time we had been trying for over three years, he started by having me take my temperature every morning to determine if I was ovulating (which I was), he also did an HSG to see if my tubes were open (which they were), he then scheduled me for an exploratory laporoscopy to see if he could find another problem. He performed the surgery on February 7, 1997, we were hoping that he would find a correctable problem so that we would at least have an answer, and he did, my ovaries are scared to my uterus (as a result of either a kidney infection or a bowel infection, both of which I had when I was younger) therefore reducing the chance that the egg that is released will find its way into the fallopian tube. He informed us that we had about 10% chance of conceiving, but that he could perform a fimbrioplasty surgery which would improve our chances to between 35 and 40 percent in the first year. We scheduled the surgery for July 17, 1997. We were eagerly looking forward to that day, then in the last week of June I started feeling very run down and tired, my period was to arrive the 3rd of July (our 4th anniversary), but it didn't and I was thinking that maybe I was pregnant, I took a home pregnancy test that night and it was positive, I was in shock, but I wouldn't let myself get to excited, I would wait a couple of days and take another test, after all we only had 10% chance, the second test was also positive, I then made a doctors appointment and he confirmed it, we were finally going to be parents! We canceled my surgery, then we called our parents, I was only about 5 weeks pregnant, but we couldn't keep it to ourselves, we had to tell someone.
A week later terror struck - that morning when I got up to go to the washroom there was a lot of blood so we went to the hospital in Brandon, where we were now living, and we saw a very compassionate OB/GYN who said it sounded like we may be losing the baby, however, after an internal he said that my cervix was completely closed and sometimes women have unexplained bleeding early in pregnancy, he sent me home and told me to come back if it started again. The next morning the same thing happened and I was sure that it was all over - this time the doctor noticed a blood vessel on the outside of my cervix that was bleeding - the baby was fine. My doctor scheduled an ultrasound for the next week and everything was fine and we got to see a tiny little line that was fluttering away, the heart beat! After another scare with bleeding and passing a clot at 12 weeks another ultrasound was done and again the baby was fine. Doug and I decided that baby just liked its picture being taken every now and then. We were on the move again in September, but this time it was back home to Alberta. I found another doctor and everything was running smoothly until New Year's Eve when I started spotting and cramping. I was sent for yet another ultrasound - and once again everything with the baby was fine. I was sure by this time that I was carrying a boy - no girl would put her mother through all of this!! Once again everything was going smoothly until my 35th week appointment when my doctor measured my stomach and I had grown 6 weeks in size in only 3 weeks - we were off for another ultrasound - once more everything was good - to good in fact, it seems that my baby was already measuring in at over 7 Lbs. At my 40th week appointment everything was progressing nicely and my doctor decided to stretch my membranes since I had been dilating for 2 1/2 weeks, he sent us home saying that we should have a baby within the next 48 hours.
Well 4 hours later my contractions started at 5 minutes apart so we headed to the hospital. Once we got there the nurse went to hook up the fetal monitor, but she couldn't find the heart beat - how could that be when 4 hours earlier it had been as strong as ever - she went and called another nurse in to try and find it while she called my doctor, but the second nurse couldn't find it either. I just kept thinking that they were wrong - that my baby was fine - just get my doctor here and he'll show you where it is. My doctor arrived very quickly, but he couldn't find the heartbeat either. The hospital I was in doesn't have ultrasound so they had to send me to Calgary in an ambulance. Doug and I were hoping that maybe the baby was laying in such a way that it was making it hard to find the heartbeat, but we basically knew in our hearts that this wasn't the case. Once I got to Calgary the OB/GYN on call was waiting for me and he did an ultrasound right away, then he said the words that made our whole world fall apart - he said "I have some very bad news and I'm very sorry but there is no heartbeat". We were devastated - HOW could this happen to us??? - WHY did it happen to us??? We were fortunate to have a lot of family support at the hospital - at one point there were 10 people watching me in early labor. My labor progressed relatively smoothly and 9 hours later I was starting to push. However, the pushing went on for 3 hours until the OB/GYN decided to use a vacuum to help our baby out. At 09:07 March 10, 1998 our beautiful baby boy was born still, he was 8 Lbs 2 1/2 Ozs and 21 3/4 inches long, he had a head full of black curly hair, blue eyes and the biggest hands and feet that I have ever seen on a baby. Doug held him right after he was delivered and then I held him, he was still so warm from being inside me that it was almost impossible to believe that he wasn't alive. While I held him Doug went out to the waiting room where my parents and his mother and sisters were waiting. They all came in to see our son, Derek Alan Thiessen, both of his grandmothers held him while he was warm. He was surrounded by a lot of tears, but even more love.
The nurse who had been with me when I delivered Derek and a social worker with the hospital came and took him for a while to clean him up and take some pictures and his footprints, then they brought him back to me. When I needed to get some sleep the nurse took Derek across the hall from me and they kept him there until we were ready to let him go, which wasn't until 9:00 that night. We had 12 hours to hold, kiss, and take pictures of our son - they were the hardest 12 hours of our lives - but we wouldn't have done it any different. The staff at the Peter Lougheed Hospital in Calgary was wonderful, they would come in and talk to us, they gave us the pictures (and the negatives) that they took when we were ready to see them, which was right away, they gave us a clipping of his hair, and his footprints and a booklet of pamphlets on support groups in the area to help grieving parents. They also got Doug a cot so he could stay with me that night.
The next day was hell - first we had to leave the hospital empty handed, then we had to get into a car that still had the car seat in it which we had placed in there a week earlier in anticipation of the day we would bring home our child in it, then we had to go and plan our sons funeral. We then went and saw my doctor who just let us talk for an hour.
Three days after Derek was born still we had a private family funeral for him. Prior to the funeral we had a viewing and everyone who wanted to say hello and good-bye got the chance. During the funeral two of his aunts and one of his uncles read poems (two of the poems were taken out of When Hello Means Good-bye and the third poem was written especially for Derek) and then another one of his aunts sang Amazing Grace for him. Both of his grandfathers were his pallbearers and we buried him at a prairie cemetery that is a near both sets of his grandparents so he will be very easy to go and visit.
Everyone in the medical profession that we have been involved with throughout this whole ordeal has been wonderful. Two people in particular who have helped by just being there are my family doctor, he has (in my opinion) showed a compassion that I am not accustomed to seeing from a medical doctor, the second person is the nurse who couldn't find Derek's heartbeat at the beginning. She and her husband have been through losses of their own, Doug and I went to school with her husband and they invited us to their place for dinner and visiting - it was really nice to visit with someone that we knew had been through losses and we knew that they weren't going to give us any "helpful" words of wisdom such as - maybe it was for the best - (I hate that one - If the people who say that had seen how perfect he was they would never say that).
On April 20, 1998 at my 6 week follow-up appointment we got the results of the autopsy. Derek died as a result of meconium aspiration, and my doctor feels that the way that the cord was wrapped around his arms and his neck may have been the stress that he experienced which resulted in him passing the meconium. It doesn't really make it any easier knowing, but for future pregnancies at least we know that it wasn't something genetic that could happen again.
Lisa and Douglas Thiessen lovingly remember Derek Alan Thiessen born still on March 10, 1998.
