4/16/99

I'm not getting married. I'm plain sick of all this bullshit.

Last night after I called my mother, it seems she stayed up all night fretting over the wedding issue. She's just traditional enough to believe that the wedding is entirely her responsibility. I woke up this morning and did exactly what she'd told me to do: I called the church and the minister and I set things up.

And boy, did I set things up. By 2 in the afternoon I had the date (July 14th,) the hall (the church in which I was confirmed,) the officiant (the minister of my own church,) the music (all of my friends from school,) the reception hall (in the church,) the reception music (my brother's funk band.) I'd arranged for accelerated marriage counseling, since it's required by the county, and I'd created a timeline for getting the license. I'd even gotten information on the goddamn rings. The only thing left was to order a cake. I was set up.

So I called my parents, just to let them know that I was indeed on top of things and that they should not stress out. Guess what they'd already done.

My mom told me my dad was having a fit and she put him on the phone. Dad says Mom's going insane and why am I doing this? So unfair for me to arrange for a wedding in the town where they live. How can I expect them to make the preparations on such short notice?

I explained, triumphantly, that everything was already done and all they'd have to do is show up. I thought this would make it all better.

Dad: "What's all done?"

Me: "Everything!"

Dad: "What? What have you done?"

Me: "Everything! The church, the minister, the date, it's all set up. You don't have to do anything."

Dad: "So you're you're not letting us do anything! We have no say in any of this at all!"

Me: audible confusion.

Dad went on to tell me that his offer was still good. See, years ago my dad offered to give me all the money that a wedding would cost if I would just elope. I find out today that he's estimating 5 grand, which would make a damn fine wedding present. But still. John's parents are hurt that we'd consider eloping. My parents are pissed off that I won't elope.

They want to see John and me married in a tiny ceremony for just immediate family, which is great with everyone, but they don't want it to be in Michigan. I think it might be about the extended families--if we have it here in MI there will be lots of relatives who want to come. If we do a quickie-wedding in GA, it will be zip-zip-zip and no hassle of being polite to all the guests.

Fine Fine FINE! I just want it freaking OVER WITH! GAaaahhhh!

So Monday I have to cancel the hall, cancel the counseling, tell my friends that the wedding's off, the date is wrong, and everything. And I was just starting to look forward to the whole affair.

I called John to explain my pissy day. To tell him that the conclusion we'd come to (after debating for 3 hours the day before) wasn't going to happen. I told him look, the only reason we're getting married at all is to make them all happy. And they're not going to be happy anyway. Someone's not going to be happy, no matter what. Why do we even bother?

*****(okay, I was fishing.)*****

And he said, "We should get married."

And I said, "Why?"

"Because it's not fair to you if we don't. You'd get no benefits, you're moving down here anyway, we're going to be together anyway, we should get married."

I paused.

And I said, "Do you want to get married?"

He hedged.

"John, stop. Do you want to be married?"

Eventually he said yes, he did, but it took so goddamned long.

And I know he wants to marry me, I know he wants me to be there with him, but why, why, why do we have to be this way? Why do my parents have to suspect that he's bad for me? Why does loving someone have to be such a hassle?