details

4/30/99

ER was nice last night. Nice and depressing, that is. Why can't my life be all happy like last night's er?

Drank too much wine, got a little silly. Laughed myself silly because I left what I thought was a hilarious message on John's voice mail. So I was a little drunk. You know how it goes.

(voice mail)

"Naaaa...na, naaa. Na na naaaa...na, naaa...." (I was singing the er theme.) "Na-na-na-na! Na! Na-na-na-na! Na! Bum! Bum-bum!" (long sigh) "Goose, call me when you get home. Why aren't you home? Call me." (pause) "Julia...." (another pause) "She climbed in a box. She's in a box right now." Click.

It didn't rain yesterday. After eric's dismal entry (yesterday,) it didn't even rain. And I had a splendid day, right up until I activated his entry. Then, for some reason, I plummeted. I wonder if pre-written entries have the ability to determine the sort of day one has.... Nothing bad happened on Thursday, just somehow I ended up depressed and drinking. It was too dark to stare out the window by then.

Got a jump start on today when I opened an e-mail, titled "graduation", from my advisor and it said, "Elizabeth, come see me right away." Doh. Dazedly brushed my hair, deciding whether I'd stay an extra year to finish my degree, or just run off and get married and screw the whole thing. I settled on heading to school to see what was up.

Turned out they'd decided to nail me for not having my degree-granting transcript forwarded from the U of M. Whew. That's easily solved. They don't even need it before the commencement exercises next Friday. Here I thought maybe I'd failed yesterday's twelve-tone exam or something. So the graduation is on track. I just can't wait to wear that pink tassel.

Spent the rest of the day running errands--grocery shopping, kitchen-cleaning, mailed a box of dishes, clothes, and CD's to John, paid the rent. Talked to my mom. And doh! I'd promised her that I'd perform for a sorority dinner on May 13th, right when I was going to go to Wisconsin. Damn. I'll still pull it together and go on the weekend, I guess. I'll be able to start temping in the first part of that week, then. Damn again. No rest for broke students.

By then I won't be a student. What do you call yourself if you're not a student? I can't define myself as "a temp"--now that would be depressing. Really. What does that say about me--I'm temporary? Indecisive? Annoying? "Temp" has kind of a negative ring to it. I'm going to sit here and practice hating my new job before I even start it.

Impulse buy today: a 99 cent bottle of mint green nail polish. I've decided to stop chewing on my cuticles. (remember that oral fixation I mentioned the other day?) My hands look soooo cool with green nails. It's a really putrid shade, too--I love it.

I'm starting to obsess about the details of my life. Before you know it, I'll be picky and anal about my house and I'll never be able to live with John again. (Okay, so I don't think that will happen.) In the last three months I've learned how to find things: they're always right where I left them. How curious. And I've learned how to do things: if I don't do them, they don't get done. Such a power rush.

I have enhanced my bed-time ritual, probably because it helps me fall asleep when I can't lie in bed conversing (though I still do that--my phone bill speaks for me.) I am creating order in my personal space in order to combat the vast, undependable world outside my door.