a fall is on the way

8/31/99

The more comfortable I get in this job, the more important it is for me to get out of it. I can't let myself stagnate. I'm starting to like the hours, the co-workers, everything but the job itself, which only bores me slightly more than counting money all day. But I'm not practicing, and I can't have this. It's too easy. It's only a matter of days before I feel less like a musician, and more like a normal person. Can't have it.

Tonight I retrieved John from the couch and we went out for a drive in the convertible. It was the first really gorgeous day since I've been here, and I couldn't stand to be cooped up one more minute. Every time I refilled my water bottle from the drinking fountain, I stared wistfully at the sunny, non-humid, 80 degree weather just on the other side of the bolted glass doors. So John and I drove down the highway, laughing like idiots at some joke I can't remember.

We saw cotton fields, with real-live cotton growing in them. I'd never seen cotton growing before. That's when I realized this is the South, where they grow cotton and tobacco, and where women wore big fat dresses and had slaves fanning them. Slaves. Slaves lived right here where I am.

And sharecroppers. All those books I read in junior high, they happened, like, right here. I always had to imagine the setting when I read books about the South, and now I can see what it looked like, for real. I never had an epiphany like that when I traveled in Europe. Well, maybe in London, a little bit. But I read WAY more books about the South than I did about England.

Other than work and the drive, nothing of note happened today. That's the way it will be until I have time to do something besides those two things. John and I were going to play tennis, but he played football with friends before I got home, and we were going to practice, but we drove instead. I only have time to do one thing after work every day. Choose wisely....

I'm figuring out what to do about htis teaching thing. I'm going to call teachers this week, get kids to sign up, and when I have 25-30 students I'll quit my job and start teaching. Back before my life became what it is, I always thought I'd like to teach lessons for a living; the money is great, but there are no benefits, and I'd need insurance. So I forgot about that idea. Come on, now, I just married the Air Force. I have all the benefits I'll ever need. It's time for me to do this, for real this time.

I have to get out of my job before I start to feel bad about leaving. I hate that. I'm starting to feel it already.