control freak angst

10-13-99

My cat was about 15 degrees warmer toward me today, but that's still below freezing. John's fallen in love with the kitten, so we have to make it work somehow. The kitty's name has been changed. We're not altogether sure what it is just yet, but it will probably be ambiguous, gender-wise. We still can't quite figure out what he/she/it is yet.

Well, hey, I can't think of anything much to say other than "GODDAMN WHAT DO I DO ABOUT MY CATS??????" I didn't really go drink last night. Don't want anyone to get the idea that I drown my sorrows. I drown my boredom, occasionally, but even that has lost its charm since the beginning of the Age of Instant Hangover. (Around age 23.)

My day at work was shitty, but uneventful. The folks in the office are getting really pissybaby with one another, I think it's the weather. Tara invited people to lunch and told them I was going without asking me. I didn't take my wallet in today, and I wasn't feeling like Mexican food. Blah. A few people reluctantly said they'd go. When they found out I wasn't going, they all started backing out. One's on a diet, another's too busy, we'll all stay and eat together.... So then this other guy got all pissy and said he was going to eat at his mother's house. Tara and Sue went for Mexican by themselves. Then Mama's Boy went to Pizza Hut with the guys upstairs. What a ruckus that caused. There was so much negative energy in the office, I had to keep going out for air.

I kept calling John to find out what the cats were doing. "Where's Julie now? What's the kitty doing? Did you put it back in the bathroom before you left for work? Are you going home for lunch? Are you going to let Julie outside?" I felt so powerless. I ate junk food all afternoon. I hate it when I get that way.

Then I came home, John had let the cat out, so I sat on the balcony and tried to convince her to come back. She hung around the parking lot and the sidewalk for hours. Finally we gave up and went inside, and ten minutes later she was sitting at the screen door saying "What are you thinking? Let me the fuck inside!"

John sent e-mail to pamie, asking for advice, since she has had multiple cats. John was just looking for a reason to write to pamie. My husband has a crush on pamie. Every night when I finish uploading this journal he gets on the machine and this is what he does: 1. checks his mail, 2. reads pamie, 3. reads me. He says it's because he already knows what I did all day.

(Don't say I never link anybody. Hell, pamie won't even notice.)

She did have some good advice, though, so I 'm trying to give Julia treats when the little cat is around so she'll associate "little bastard cat" with "yummies." Julie doesn't want treats, she wants me to die. Figuratively. Julie will brush against my legs and then turn to brush the other way, catch sight of the kitten, and snarl at nobody in particular. Then she stalks off. Five minutes later it's Nuzzle, Turn, Snarl, Stalk all over again. It's so weird to see my huge seventeen pound cat hissing at a half-pound kitten. Sucks to be the kitten.