bye bye blue bird

10-21-99

I am such a terrible person.

(Okay, for one thing, I'm at the bottom of a bottle of chardonnay, and there will likely be muchos typos in this entry. Deal.)

After the two hour goodbye lunc that was thrown in my honor, we all filed back into the office. Thinking ot was over and I had the afternoon to work, etc., I went to the bathroom. Dawdled. I daydreamed a little, fussed pver my barrettes, admired the kitten-scratches on my arms. Took around ten minutes.

When I sauntered back into the office, everyone was standing in a little half-circle around the table, waiting for me to get back. They did one of those little uncomfy presentations and gave me a gift set of body lotion and perfume. /Now I'm all flowery-fruity smelling like a stripper.

And I feel like hell. Crazy juxtaposition with the relief I felt about leaving, especially after the lunch conversations full of racist comments. Like the boss who got back from Germany last week and compared the Russian immigrants (into Germany) to the African-Americans in the US, because the Russians are all on German welfare and dumbing down the country.

I heard the N-word used several times today. Not in a joke, and not as an insult, but as a normal part of conversation. And not by a black person, either.

Tara begged me to stay. The management decided not to replace me, rather to move another idle person from upstairs into my job. (Which is what I would have recommended, had anyone asked me.) Tara doesn't like the girl they're putting in my place, so she literally begged me not to quit. God, if they had acted so sweet to me all along I might have considered sticking around, at least until I got an offical job offer elsewhere.

Wheich I haven't. I called the music store today. Seems the guy I want to talk to is out until Saturday. Fuck him. The plan is this: I'm going to apply for mall jobs on Monday or Tuesday. Everyone in the world is hiring for the holidays right now. If I hear from the music store, fine. I'd love to score the music gig. If he doesn't call me, especially now, after I've called him, then he loses. Bastard.

I keep buying ingredients for cookies and then eating them. Last night I bought a bag of Hershey's Kisses to put on peanut butter cookies, then I ate the kisses instead, taking the leftovers to work with me and passing them around. Tonight I brought home M+M's for cookies. Damned if I didn't break those open and eat them for dinner.

My kitties are starting to get along. They "play" sometimes, when they think I'm not looking. I can't get Julia to stop eating Fleck's fattening kitten food. She loves it, and she's the type who will take any amount of scolding from me and then keep on doing what she was doing. Which in this case is eating the goddamn kitten food.