I'm just ungodly annoyed and too tired to code a real entry. I wrote one for last night, too, and I didn't have the energy. I need to start taking my vitamins again.

I asked Aida today if she needs me to come in tomorrow and she said yes. I kicked myself the rest of the day; I asked her too soon. I should have waited until late in the day when all the dogs had left. Instead, I asked her in the morning, when there were still 20 dogs in the place. She looked at the list and said of course they need me.

This schedule is fucking me up in advance for Christmas, too. My parents are planning on coming here the 27-29, but I'm going to have to work the entire time. In fact, I'll probably have to work ALL the time. I may have to ask Aida for time after Christmas.

I'm going to be so fucking mad on Thursday when I've been working for 16 straight days and I have to cover Sherry's shift. She has Thursdays off. She's had every Thursday and every Sunday off this whole time that I've been coming in every day. I know I just keep whining about this, but I'm really pissy. I was supposed to go to Becky's tomorrow to meet her new computer, since she's out of town,and I won't be able to do that. I didn't even want to, but anything's better than feeding those stupid noisy dogs for seven more days.

On top of all the work shit, I found out today that it wasn't a mistake on my form, I really do have 14,000 in student loans. John wants to consolidate my 14 grand with his 40-ish grand so we can defer longer and get a lower interest rate. When I think about how long it's going to take to pay off 55,000 in loans, I want to shoot myself in the head. I want to shoot John for going to an out-of-state, private university.

My parents bought a $25,000 house in 1975 and just paid off the mortgage four years ago. At best, John and I won't be buying a house until 2009. That's assuming I can convince him not to defer. He wants to take his military deferment option of three years, during which the Air Force pays our interest. So around 2012, then. And we'd pay off a 20 year mortgage by 2032, at which time I will be 57 years old. But it won't matter, since we'll have moved before then, anyway.

I want to do the smart thing and work two jobs, one to support myself and one expressly for paying off my debt. But I can't even get one job I can stand, let alone coordinating two jobs. John spends a lot of money, too. He's gotten much better since I've been hounding him for a couple years, but he tends to fritter away his checking account in $10-$50 dollar chunks: a CD here, video game there, eating out all over the place. I am completely the opposite, hoarding money away in savings accounts, mutual funds, penny jars.... We've pulled each other back to a center ground, but I still wig out, quietly, every time he comes home with a handful of CD's saying, "I did something bad..." and he still bristles when I say, "Can we set up a Roth IRA for you as soon as you get a raise next January?"

I hate myself for not keeping track of my student loans. I swear to god that I didn't take out 14 grand, but I didn't save my disbursement check stubs and of course now there's no way to find out, since no customer service rep at Loans-R-Us-We-Fuck-U-In-The-Ass is going to say, "Oh, yes--you didn't take a check for your third semester at MSU, so we'll remove $4250 from your total amount!"

I had to babysit the 3 year old and the 12 month old again tonight. The baby had a cold, so I'm going to get it, I'll bet. Nothing worse than working 3 weeks straight with a fucking baby-snot cold. I'm going to bed. Betsy