The Haunted Phonogram

While working at the tip one day, I found a phonogram,

It's case was old and battered, but I didn't give a damn,

I took it home and plugged it in, but found it had a curse,

It played my records backwards, and also in reverse,

The phonogram was haunted, the phonogram was cursed,

It played my records backwards, and also in reverse,

Turned Pistols into Pet Shop Boys, turned Whitesnake into Wham,

You ran a risk, when you span a disc, on the Haunted Phonogram.

I put some Judas Priest on, I nearly died of fear,

My brother tried to kill himself by drinking too much beer,

We tried to summon Satan, we played some Motley Crue,

But all we got was hairspray, and a make up girl called Sue.

The phonogram was haunted, the phonogram was cursed,

It played my records backwards, and also in reverse,

Turned Pistols into Pet Shop Boys, Whitesnake into Wham,

You ran a risk, when you span a disc, on the Haunted Phonogram.

I tried to play the classics cos they're soothing to the soul,

But when I put on Mozart, I just got Billy Joel,

Bach was bloody Chris De Burgh and Barry Manilow,

Why don't they run them over if they're middle of the road?

I tried to play some techno, I nearly lost my nerve,

I guess Bananas in Pajamas was all that I deserved,

By now I was desperate, I went to play some rap,

It played the record backwards but it still came out like crap.

The phonogram was haunted, the phonogram was cursed,

It played my records backwards, and also in reverse,

Turned Pistols into Pet Shop Boys, Whitesnake into Wham,

You ran a risk, when you span a disc, on the Haunted Phonogram.

Oh that phonogram was haunted, that no-one could deny,

But I put a country record on to give it one more try,

And ever since that fateful day, my life's been full of thrills,

I got a job, my wife came back, and someone paid the bills.

The phonogram was haunted, the phonogram was cursed,

It played my records backwards, and also in reverse,

And ever since that fateful day, I've been a different man,

I'm young and rich and horny, and a Country Western fan!!