Jokes
A key ring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once
The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.
Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.
There is no job so simple that it can not be done wrong.
I may be fat, but you're ugly - and I can lose weight
When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an
improvement, then there must have been something before it.
"The floggings will continue until morale 'improves'.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around
your neck?"
Due to the current economic situation, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off until further notice.
One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Work hard and save your money and when you are old you will be able to buy the things only the young can enjoy.
Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
If fire-fighters fight fires, what do Freedom Fighters do?
If you were to strangle a Smurf, what color would it turn?
Never argue with a fool. He may be doing the same thing.
An archeologist is a scientist whose career lies in ruins.
I think, therefore I'm paid.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
Being paranoid means never having to think that your alone.
Money can't buy you happiness, but it can take you a long way from misery.
Never use a preposition to end a sentence with.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
Wisdom is running after mankind ... but mankind is quicker !
Morning has broken.
Call the repairman.
I've finally figured out why you always have that stupid grin on your face ... You're stupid!
A recent poll found that 50% of all lawyers graduated in the bottom half of their class.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it!
How do people plead insanity?
Who's gonna believe a crazy person?
WARNING: prosecuters will be violated.
Procrastination is the flaw most of us keep putting off curing.
Don't eat with your mouth full.
Waterproof Mascara (noun)
Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
Argument (noun)
A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.
