Miss Florida...
AMANDA LATONA Oh my God, I am so honored. Wow I can't believe you chose me to be Miss Florida. The last time someone told me I was beautiful was right after I gave my brother's cousin oral sex. Oh I'm AJ McLean's ex-girlfriend. We used to go out. Yea, and you didn't.. so there! So, um...anywayz I would like to thank my mom for teaching me how to be thrifty and save money to buy men with by not using shampoo, conditioner, soap, or even water when bathing or washing my hair and by wearing all my makeup at once so it is impossible to get off and I don't have to buy more for years. I'd like to thank my dad for instructing me in the proper way to perform oral sex in order to get ahead in everything I set out to do. All the judges seemed to like my "special talent" very much. You've been a wonderful coach, Dad, and I love you every night...I mean...very much. I would like to thank all the people who have donated clothes to the Salvation Army and numerous other charities. I found them very useful. I'm going backstage to gloat to myself and maybe call AJ, since I have his phone number and all of you don't.
Okay, so now you all know who Amanda Latona is, right? And I'll bet no one had a clue until I mentioned her name. Well, I'm sorry had to do it to you, but remember, we warned you that this site might disturb. I know, ignorance is bliss...especially in her case. Well, it gets worse, because now it's picture time and...well, it isn't pretty. I mean, it's Amanda. If you have a weak stomach, here is your chance to escape. Push the "back" button on your browser. If you are a brave one, and you're thinking "If AJ can do it, then so can I" keep going and good luck making it out of this page with both your eyes intact.
Look - she's all over her girl. She's prob. trying to turn on AJ so he's too busy thinking about sex to dump her like he should.
Hmm, lovely. Look at those manly facial features all smothered in drag-queen-style makeup. And you can't tell me those are some real boobs. Yeah, they're REALly silicon. Anywayz, men don't have boobs until they buy them.
Yecch! And again with the hair! If she isn't going to wash it, she can still brush it at least, can't she?
Hmmm, do I detect a Britney Spears wannabe? Well I guess I shouldn't have expected any better from someone who "respects" (we know she means "idolizes") Pamela Anderson Lee. I kid you not. She thinks the woman is talented.
Ouch! She IS painful to look at. The obvious question being, how did AJ take it for as long as he did? I mean, brotha can afford to be picky, and he chose Amanda?!
**shudder** I know. She scares me, too. The trick is to not look directly into your computer monitor.
These pictures have not been altered. She really is this ugly!!!
Ways to torture/kill Amanda:
1. Put a razor in her lipstick.
2. Throw her in a cage full of starving wolves who have a taste for tacky.
3. Make her a nun. (A few hours of celibacy should do the trick.)
4. Yank off the greasy dust mop she uses as a wig and expose her as the drag queen she really is. (She's a-man-DUH!)
5. Put her on a deserted island with Anne Heche and Ellen Degeneres.
6. Tell a bunch of protective Leo fans that she was seen kissing Leo.
7. Tell a bunch of protective A.J. fans that she was seen kissing Leo.
8. Explain to her that Bill Clinton may not mind fat chicks, but he isn’t going to let a guy near his “Mr. Happy”, no matter how big his fake boobs are. (Sorry, "Panda Amanda" aka AJ's Queen of the Night. There goes your life’s ambition up in smoke.)
9. Handcuff her to the stage during a Marilyn Manson concert.
10. Handcuff her to the stage during a Hanson concert.
(11-15, submitted by Bruja22AJ. Thanx!)
11. Throw her out into the sunlight.
12. Make her look at herself in the mirror.
13. Make her eat Panda and Bear's excrement.
14. Send her on an all-expenses payed trip to the White House.
15. Tell her that AJ maxed out all HIS crdedit cards, and spent all his money on himself.
.....................................
Another parody by my friend Katy and I...Enjoy!
UNPRETTY
I wish I could smother you with plastic
Your outsides are gross
~~Chorus~~
We can wash your hair if you want us to…
Never into hooches till he met you
*chorus over and over again*
from "Unpretty" by TLC
Do you think I'm joking?
I was told you were beautiful
What the hell were they smoking?
Look into the mirror, what do you see?
An Elvira look-alike
Say you wanna be a freak today
And your brain is air
How could he have ever looked
Past your scraggly hair?
He tried different whores
But they're all the same
At the end of the day
He had himself to blame
AJ's trippin’
You need to fix your nose
Cause I said so
Must you use all the make-up
That man can make?
But if..
You can look beside you
Find out who's in your bed
Betcha felt kinda kewl givin' AJ head
You're so damn unpretty
I guess I'd feel unpretty too....
*if he gave me money*
Wasn't that stupid?
Never really liked big fat hoes
He's just a little too skinny
Why does he look to all these whores
To keep him happy
Maybe get rid of you
And then he'll get back to me, hey
And Now For The
GRAND FINALE
You know what I think.. *I feel a moment of clarity coming..yess yes.. here it is*
AJ McLEAN HAS NO GAME!
he has to be the finest man on earth! Ok so maybe not in this picture but.. well wait...
HERE!.. And damnit he is a Backstreet Boy on top of all that.. he can have any woman he wants WHY AMANDA LATONA!! She might be easy.. she might have large breasts (fake as we know they are).. *whooptie doo!* She is disgusting, degrading, disgraceful, F**KED UP, and to say the least NASTY. There are better looking hoochies in Alabama... Laila is one!! Tee hee.
Hmmm...I'm I better-looking hootchie than Amanda Latona. Wonder how I managed that? Gee, thanks Brandy! Ha-ha.
Now Back To Your Originally Scheduled Program
MORE COMING SOON
