“I’m sorry,” I said into the receiver.
“It was my fault,” he sounded more sincere than ever.
“Come over?” I pleaded. I felt bad about the rift that had come between us. It was largely my fault.
“Be right there.”
And he was. In fifteen minutes, he was standing on my doorstep. “Hi,” I smiled as I opened the door. It was good to see him there. I was immediately filled with the warmth of his familiar form in the doorframe.
“It’s been a long time,” he wrapped me in a hug. He smelled good.
“I know.”
“I missed you,” he whispered in my ear. His breath on my neck sent shivers up my back. I squeezed him tightly. “Apparently, I’ve been forgiven,” he didn’t unwrap his arm from my waist.
“Yes,” I smiled half-heartedly.
His voice became serious, seeing me struggle to look happy, “Hey, are you okay?”
Tears almost burst out of my eyes, but I managed to smile meekly, “I guess.”
“You’re lying,” he sat down on the couch. How did he know? It’d been a long time since we’d last talked, had a conversation… touched. Yet, he could still see through me. The familiarity was almost eerie. I got chills again.
“Things have just been rough. Especially since you haven’t been around to make me feel better,” I said, sitting on the coffee table across from him and placing my hand on his knee. It was true. I hadn’t wanted to admit it. But I’d felt so lonely recently, that to not talk to him was unthinkable. Despite all the badness that there had been between us, I’d come to the realization that I needed to talk to him.
“I’m here now,” he smiled, laying his hand on top of my own.
“I’m glad,” I smiled at the warmth of his hand. I got more chills. He smiled as he felt me shiver. There was a measurable amount of tension and discomfort. I wanted too much for things just to be the way they had been, but since it had been so long since our… issues, there was a palpable uneasiness. I smiled at him, but remained silent. He didn’t say anything either, causing only more weirdness. I couldn’t take it anymore, and I started to giggle.
“What?” he laughed.
“Nothing,” I giggled harder.
It was weird. I’d like to say that sitting there giggling with him was like getting got know him all over again. My hand on his knee, his hand on mine… it should have been like old times. But it wasn’t. We were both aware of it. It was like this new feeling… a kind of uncomfortable not-knowing-quite-what-to-say sort of thing where we fell into another lapse of silence. This wasn’t like us… the old us… the old me. The me who didn’t break up with someone because she loved him too much. The me that didn’t couldn’t form a discernible sentence in the presence of this guy… her former best friend. I sat there looking at him, wondering if he knew anything about what was going on inside my head. If I could explain it in a way that would make him understand.
“So,” he said, clearing his throat.
A rush of red settled in my cheeks, “So.” There was another too-long pause. “Want something to drink?” I removed my hand from his knee, hoping that might ease some of the tension.
“No thanks.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes,” he could tell I just wanted to make conversation. I didn’t want there to be this invisible curtain between us. It was really frustrating… and rather disappointing.
For a while we made small talk, and then he said he had to go. “I’ll call you later,” he promised.
“Uh huh,” I smiled, leaning in the door frame.
He leaned down and let his lips brush my cheek. Then he was gone. I shut the door behind him and leaned against it, still feeling his mouth on my face.
“Who was that?” Heidi asked, coming down the stairs.
The spot on my cheek where his lips had been started burning, “Dave,” I sighed. chapter 2
