“Hi, Ike,” I smiled, shifting Jeremiah to my other hip.
“Hey, Robinson,” he smiled, letting me into the house.
I’d made myself look as presentable as possible. I’d washed my face, put on some make up to cover the red rings around my eyes. I was wearing a pale pink sundress that had little purple flowers all over it, with a matching purple flower tucked in my half-ponytail. I looked sweetly girl-next doorish. To cover the bandage, I wore a stack of silver bracelets on my right wrist.
“Who’s this?” Ike asked, tickling Jeremiah’s tummy.
“This,” I smiled, kissing J’s cheek, “is Jeremiah.”
“Buh,” Jeremiah drooled on himself.
Ike led us into the living room. Zac was sitting on the couch, “Hi. Robinson,” he smiled. It seemed weird to me that they didn’t know about the life-changing events that had occurred just a day previous.
“Hi,” I sat down and adjusted Jeremiah on my lap.
“What’s up?”
“Zac, this is Jeremiah,” I said, holding out J’s hand for Zac to shake.
Zac laughed, shaking the little pudgy hand, “Pleased to make your acquaintance.”
“Do you boys want to come to a party tonight?”
Last night, after Dave dropped me off, I’d called D.C. and made lots of good plans. I would not let my weird drunken actions get me down. I was going to go to a bangin’ party and forget all about the weirdness in my life.
“Where is it?”
“I dunno, my friend D.C. knows of a party we can go to… there’s actually a pre-party party too.”
“Sounds good to me,” Zac laughed, still playing with Jeremiah.
Mrs. Hanson walked into the room, “Boys, can you please-” she stopped short when she saw me, “Oh, hello, Tayler,” she smiled, the color draining from her face.
“Hi,” I smiled back. I knew she was freaking out because of Jeremiah. When I’d seen her last, she was freaking out about me being pregnant.
“Hi!” Jeremiah repeated, clapping his hands.
Mrs. Hanson smiled tautly and left the room, not finishing talking to her sons. I looked down at my hands. Now she thought I was some sort of dirty, son-corrupting slut.
“What’s the matter?” Zac asked.
“She thinks Jeremiah is Taylor’s.”
“Whose is he?” Ike asked.
“Dave’s.”
Both guys gasped. “How is that possible?” Zac almost whispered.
“Not mine and Dave’s silly,” I laughed. Jeremiah giggled, too.
They heaved a sigh of relief. “So,” I said, looking at the clock on the wall, “The pre-party is at like seven. Heidi’s gonna pick you guys up.”
“Okay.”
I wanted to ask where Taylor was. Part of me wanted to see his new girlfriend… part of me wanted to get drunk and kill myself. I sighed.
Jeremiah started getting kinda fussy and whiny, and so I took him up to the bathroom to see if he needed to be changed. He did. “J,” I whispered, “what should we do? Should we leave? Don’t you feel weird here?” He whimpered unhappily. “I think so, too,” I agreed.
I emerged from the bathroom ready to explain that I needed to bring J home to change him, but my whole plan was forgotten as soon as I descended the stairs.
There he was. Taylor was leaning against the island in the kitchen, a tall, skinny blond next to him. I was face to face with them. There was no hiding. Taylor’s mouth hung open when he saw me.
“H- Hello, Taylor,” I stammered, my voice soft and unsure.
“Robinson?!” he still was amazed.
“Hi.”
“What are you- I thought you moved to New Jersey!”
“I… um… I had a change of plans,” I tried to be nonchalant and cool, but my palms were sweating.
“This is Trina,” he said, turning to the blond, who was taller than he was, “Trine, this is… our neighbor, Tayler Robinson.”
“Hi,” I said. My voice cracked. I bit my lip to keep myself from crying.
“Hi,” she smiled.
“Whose baby is this?” he pointed, still looking astonished.
“Oh, I’m just babysitting,” I didn’t want him to know the truth at all.
“I’m so surprised to see you here,” and he wasn’t lying. He was obviously massively confused. I wished that I’d cut deeper.
“Do you guys want to come to a party tonight?” I blurted out. I wanted desperately for there not to be any strange, uncomfortable silences. I totally didn’t want them to come, but it was too late now.
“I do,” Trina spoke up. Her voice was surprisingly low. That, combined with her extreme height and current possession of Taylor, made me frightened of her.
For lack of anything better to do, with the hand that was resting on Jeremiah’s leg, I pinched him. He broke out into a loud cry, and I shrugged and said good bye quickly.
“I’m sorry, J, I’m sorry,” tears leaked from my eyes as I made my way back to the house. I couldn’t tell Dave about him because I promised I wouldn’t leave the house, because of my legs and all that.
I brought Jeremiah into the bathroom and started drawing a warm bath. He liked when I gave him baths because I let him splash all he wanted; it was like playtime.
As Jeremiah played and I washed him, I pondered. Taylor looked so surprised to see me. He was probably disappointed. He’d wanted to come home and be rid of that crazy girl who was afraid to love him. Trina seemed far better for him that me- the suicidal bulimic who was dating her best friend in an effort to feel loved and baby sitting his son to form any semblance of a family. She, on the other hand, was model material, and she probably did everything for him. They probably went out all the time and did fun things. She didn’t have and eating disorder or blood pressure problems or the knack to drink herself into oblivion. She was better for him that I was. I was only going to screw him up… after all, look what I’d done to myself…
D.C. called just as I was redressing her son.
“Hello?”
“Are you sure you’re coming tonight?” she wanted to know.
“Yes, why?”
“I dunno, Tay, maybe you shouldn’t.”
“Please don’t do this, Deece,” I sighed, drying off Jeremiah, sending him into unending fits of giggles as I tickled him with the towel.
“Well, Tay-”
“Please? I’m a big girl now. I can deal with it.”
“All right. I’ll pick you up at six thirty?”
“Who’s taking care of Jeremiah?”
“My mom. She is on crutches now.”
“Okay,” I took a deep breath and finished getting Jeremiah ready.
I questioned what I was about to get myself into.
