My back slammed harder than it was supposed to against the side of the garage. We both laughed through the kiss, him pausing for a second to ask if I was all right. The only response I could give was to grab his shirt and pull him even closer to me, pressing my breasts painfully into his chest. I could have died right there, the relief of the moment. It was the first time I felt right- like the real me for a long time. I melted into him and curled up in his taste and his scent… I never wanted to stop.
We stumbled around as we pawed at each other like hungry lions or something. We stepped into the range of the floodlights and the whole backyard was illuminated. The white plastic chairs harbored ghostly shadows, and the bushes in the back shook eerily in the breeze.
“Come on,” Tay said, taking my hand. We climbed up onto the garage roof by way of the hood of the car. We crawled across the roof and then dropped down through Tay’s window. I lowered myself in, and he caught me. We fell over onto his bed, being louder than we ever meant to. We both were hushed for a second, and when we figured the coast was clear, we returned to the real matter at hand.
It was like we were drunk. Our mouths never parted as we yanked at each other’s clothing, and every once and a while, one of us would start to laugh.
“We need to stop,” Tay finally said, his room lit only by the moonlight.
“Why?”
“My parents are in the other room.”
“We’ll be quiet,” I pleaded.
“You?”
“F*ck you,” I laughed, moving over so I wasn’t as much on his lap.
Tay breathed in heavily, sighing.
“Jesus, I have a boyfriend,” I shook my head, feeling around for my t-shirt.
“Yep,” he lay back against the wall, his smirk visible despite the dim light. It was silent for a while, as we both sat there, not touching. “Why did you come here?” he asked.
“At Oscar’s, we were practicing. And Dave and I were singing together. And it was just like… All I could think about was you…” my whole body heated up as I blushed, “And I knew… I knew I had to come here… and while we sang, I knew I was going to cheat on him.” I paused with guilt. “But I don’t want to break up with him, Tay, I don’t. I just want to…”
“Hey,” he put his hand on my thigh. The heat seared through my jeans. “I’m not expecting you to.”
“I know… but I don’t want to be a whore.”
“You’re not.”
“You’re just saying that.”
“No.”
“What if it were you?” I immediately wished I didn’t say that. I wouldn’t ever cheat on Tay. That depressed me, because I had pre-meditated cheating on Dave. I was such a bad person. “I need to like… go,” I said, pulling on my t-shirt and searching through the dark for my clothes.
“It’s okay, calm down,” Tay’s voice was calming as he grabbed my arm. “Come here.” He pulled me back in the dark and into his arms. “It’s okay.”
“What’s the matter?” Dave asked.
“Hm?”
“You’re kinda… spacey today,” Dave dragged on his stog.
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay, I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
“Yes,” I rolled over onto my stomach, wrapping the sheet around me as I did so. My one jean pant leg was caught up, and I reached down to fix it.
“We should get up to go practice soon.”
“I don’t want to,” I sighed, biting my thumbnail.
“We’ve gotta finish the songs before this weekend.”
“This weekend?”
Dave rolled onto his back and blew cigarette smoke at the ceiling, his chest bare. “We’re playing this weekend, remember? Outside the city… like two hours from here.”
“Oh…”
“Travis is letting us use his RV. It’s gonna be so fun touring, Tay. I can’t wait.”
“It will be cool.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he stroked my bare back.
“Uh huh,” I stood up, covering myself, and reached for my bra.
He knew I was lying. He didn’t say anything as I buttoned up my shirt and then perched on the very corner of the bed, my back to him.
“I don’t feel so well.”
“You don’t have to come to practice.”
“Okay.”
I got up off the bed and turned to look at him. He ashed his stog onto the carpet, sighed, and then climbed out of bed. He put out his cigarette in the ashtray on his desk, and without putting a shirt on, grabbed his keys. “I’ll take you home.”
We pulled up in front of my house. “There’s a big ‘this is your first real gig on tour’ party tonight,” Dave said, patting my head gently. It felt odd, like it was the first time he was asking me out.
“When?”
“Tomorrow night.”
“I’ll be there,” I smiled, leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. My mouth caught his, and he pressed against me. It felt hard and awkward… foreign. I held my breath, praying he couldn’t tell that I’d cheated. I felt so bad that I wished these lips were someone else’s… Taylor’s obviously.
I smiled shyly and slinked out of the car without looking back.
