“I heard about a party?” Zac leaned coolly on the doorframe.
I jumped up excitedly and wrapped my arms around his waist and hid my face in his shoulder, “Uh huh,” I mumbled, burrowing further into his t-shirt.
“That tickles,” he squirmed.
“Zacky, I love you,” I said, lifting my head up to rub my nose against his. He smiled. “Come in,” I pulled him into the kitchen and closed the door behind him.
“So tell me all about it.”
“What?” I could feel the blood rush to my face in a panic… did he know I cheated?
“The party.”
Relief. “Oh, well, I guess it’s like a party to see us off. It’s not like this is a big deal… these people just love a party.”
“But you’re going,” he followed obediently as I pulled his hand and took him up to my room.
“Yes, I am. Hey there, Zac, are you asking all these questions for a reason, or is this just an interrogation?”
“I guess I was hoping you’d invite me.”
“You want to come?”
“Of course.”
“Sweet!” I pranced around happily, clapping my hands. It was the perfect solution. I could avoid Dave by bringing a guest, but I could also avoid Taylor by going. “Zac, you rock my world,” I laughed, beginning to sift through my closet to look for something to wear.
“I try.”
“What should I wear?”
“What you’re wearing is hot,” he laughed.
I looked down. My tank top was too loose- falling off to a degree that was close to revealing my breasts- and my sweats had stains on them. “You like it,” I posed, sliding into a pair of fuzzy slippers to complete the ensemble.
“I do, actually. It has that ‘I don’t care because I’ve already made out with you’ feel.” I threw a shoe at his head. “Hey, be careful, these are lethal!”
“Go out into the hall, Zacky, I need to get dressed,” I shooed him out.
“So what time does it start?” he asked through the door.
“When Iget there,” I giggled. “Actually, people were meeting as of a half an hour ago, so we’re just on time.”
“That’s good.”
I tried to get dressed as fast as I could, tugging on a long black skirt with a slit that went really high up on the side…to just a few inches below my underwear and a red and gold Chinese print shirt with a high neck and buttons at the collar.
“Are you ready yet?” Zac spoke up after a few minutes.
I spread red lip stick on and said, “Cool your boots, dude, I’m coming…” I swirled my hair up and shoved some red chopsticks in it.
“How are we getting there?” Zac laughed.
“Oh, right…”
Heidi was hardly ever home anymore, and it seemed like we saw each other out at parties or at school than we did in our own house. I worried about her, because I couldn’t tell how she was doing. She’d been weird lately.
“I can call Dave.”
“Okay.”
I called him and said, “Pick me up,” and hung up the phone. Grabbing my little red purse with a gold Chinese character on it, I opened the door and began to make my way down the stairs, “Dave will be here in a little bit, let’s go.”
“Wait a minute,” he stopped me.
“What?” I laughed.
“I want to get a good look at you,” he spun me around. “Damn, Robinson.”
“What?”
He shook his head, clucking his tongue.
“Does this not look good?”
“No, it’s hot,” he smiled, “A lot hot.”
“Thanks,” I curtsied.
“Damn.”
“Come on,” I smiled, rolling my eyes.
It wasn’t one of the best parties ever, but it was a good one. It was mostly people I knew or had at least met before, and so I felt cool. The music was good, since it was complied from all of our favorite cds, and there was plenty of alcohol. I grabbed a cup as soon as I walked in and downed it before anyone realized I’d even had any. Zac seemed a little overwhelmed at first, because people kept coming up to Dave and I to congratulate us, and he was kind of hiding behind me.
“You okay?” I laughed when we were squeezed against each other in the kitchen, where all the alcohol was kept. He smiled, but said nothing. “Want a drink?” I held a cup in front of his face.
“Sure.”
“Sure? Sure?! You’re supposed to say no. Just say no, Zac, just say no!”
“You’re one to talk.”
I finished off my third cup of the “mix” that was in a huge cooler.“I’m different. You’re underage.”
“So are you!”
“Yes, well… You’re more underage.”
Dave came up next to me and smirked, “Are you cheating on me?”
My blood ran cold. I could feel my knees weaken. Guilt rose in my throat, and I felt like I was going to vomit. “What?” I managed to squeak out. When Dave punched Zac playfully in the shoulder, I realized he was joking. That made me feel even worse. He didn’t even imagine that what he proposed was true.
“I have to go to the bathroom,” I pushed past both of them and made my way into the hall. I leaned up against the wall and took a deep breath as the chunks settled back into my stomach. How was I going to travel with him? I was going to be with him in an RV, twenty-four hours a day for the entire weekend. I could feel the secret on me, pressing me down.
I wasn’t sorry about what I’d done with Tay. After all, I loved him. I did. I loved Dave too, but differently. I could stand to just be friends with Dave. With Taylor, I couldn’t just look at him without feeling an immense sense of… well, love. It felt cheesy to admit that I was all head-over-heels and mushy in love with Taylor. It was true, though, and I couldn’t help it.
I wished Heidi wasn’t being all weird and distant. I really needed to talk to someone, seriously. But there was no one. Jan was in New York, and she didn’t know any of these people. Taylor was involved, and so I couldn’t talk to him about it. There were Zac and Ike, but since Tay was their brother, it was weird.
I snapped out of my craziness and realized that I was shaking, and that my hands were all cold and clammy. As if in a trance, I went back into the kitchen.
I gasped, “Zac, what are you doing?”
“What?”
“Since when do you smoke?” I grabbed the cigarette from his hand.
“Baby, do that hot thing,” Dave jumped in, “You know, when you inhale and then-”
“Shut up, Dave,” I waved him away. “Zac, seriously?”
“What are you, my mother?”
I was hurt. I just didn’t want him to be polluted, to get tainted, like I had been. I thought of how I used to be- pure and simple. And then I started hanging around with all these people and… “Zac, it’s just that… forget it.” I turned around and went back into the living room where a bunch of other people were congregating.
“Tayler,” Dave followed me and grabbed my arm.
“You gave him that cigarette, didn’t you?”
“Stop, Tay,” he spoke softly.
“Why do you have to do this, Dave? Get all up on everyone and make them a badass? Why do you do that?”
Before he could answer, an extremely drunk girl shoved me out of the way and spilled a HUGE amount of alcohol all over me. I fell back onto the floor, a shiver of tingles piercing my spine. She jumped on Dave and started making out with him. I should have been pissed. I should have been angry. But instead, I was scared. I’d lost the ability to move my legs.
“Don’t worry,” Zac reached out his hand for me.
“Zac,” I winced in pain.
“It’s okay,” he pulled me up off the floor, putting one hand on the small of my back to help me stand.
“Ugh, I’m all sticky,” I winced and pulled at my shirt. As I stretched my back, the tingles were fading. v “Come on,” Zac took my hand and led me up the stairs.
“I hate people. That bitch probably ruined my shirt.”
“Here,” he pulled me into the bathroom and handed me a towel from the towel rack. “It’s just alcohol, Robinson, don’t worry.”
“But look at my shirt… it’s all… stained,” I pouted.
“I’m sorry about the smoking thing. I didn’t know you’d get that upset.”
“No, it’s not your fault. I’m kind of freaking out today. I guess I’m just nervous about touring.”
“You’ll be great.”
“I’m soaking wet.”
“It’ll dry.”
“I’m buzzed,” I suddenly realized as the room started to swirl.
“Here, let’s go in here,” he took my hand again and brought me across the hall into the bedroom. He sat me down on the bed.
“I’m not drunk, Zac, you don’t have to take care of me.”
“You’re not drunk?” he laughed.
“Buzzed, maybe, but I’m still competent.”
“Uh huh,” he started rummaging through the dresser.
“I only had three cups of the mix.”
“Here,” Zac threw me a shirt, “you can wear this while yours dries.”
“You just want to see me naked,” I laughed.
“Maybe you want me to want to see you naked.”
“Zac,” I laughed again, “I cheated on Dave… with your brother.”
“Oh.”
“Oh? Is that all you have to say? I f*cking cheated on my boyfriend with your f*cking brother!” I fiddled angrily with the buttons on the collar of my shirt.
“Calm down,” Zac came over and bent down in front of me, resting his hands on my knees. “Taylor told me to come to this party with you. He said you were freaking out a little lately, and that you shouldn’t be alone. It’s all right, Robinson.”
“He said that?” I could feel tears aching in the corners of my eyes.
“Uh huh,” Zac reached up to help me with the buttons that I was still fumbling with. I looked away so that he couldn’t see my eyes watering. His hands brushed against my neck.
He sat next to me and pulled me to him, resting my head on his shoulder. He didn’t know what to say. Neither did I. I knew it was my fault that a large part of my life was in a shambles. I wanted to go back downstairs and get drunker.
“Here,” Zac said, patting the t-shirt in my lap and getting up.
“Where are you going?”
“Downstairs so you can change.”
“Don’t,” I reached out for his hand. “Stay,” I pulled him toward me. Slightly reluctantly, he sat on the corner of the bed, perched like he was ready to run away at any time.
“What are you nervous about?” I asked as I pulled the chopsticks out and shook my hair loose.
“Nothing.”
“You’re lying,” I smiled.
“Yea.”
“Don’t be nervous, silly,” I laughed, peeling off the wet and sticky shirt. “There’s no reason to be. I’m not upset about the smoking thing. It just… surprised me. Dave has this really negative effect on people sometimes, and it like… frightened me that he’d made any impression on you.” I sat down next to him, “I mean, you’re all out there with your career and crap… You don’t need someone like Dave coming in and confusing you about life.”
“Mm hmm,” he nodded, fiddling with his fingers in his lap.
“Can you get me some water?” I asked.
“Sure,” he jumped up off the bed and left the room.
In his absence, I broke down. Here I was, half-naked and half-drunk, confused as a mofo. I just wanted to not feel so alone and confused. I felt mistreated and abused by Dave, but I also knew I was cheating him because I was cheating on him. I slid off my skirt, unstrapped my sandals, and curled into a ball on the bed.
