“I’m nervous,” I said through the darkness, grabbing Dave’s elbow. It was about halfway throught the second act of the play on opening night. So far it was going pretty well. D.C. told me I was “capturing the essence” which I assume was a good thing.
“Don’t be, you’re doing great,” he kissed my forehead just before he went out onstage.
I was dreading this scene. I was wearing a pair of little girl’s underwear and the matching undershirt thing. It was the time when I- as the little thirteen year old- try to seduce the musician… Dave. True, he was my boyfriend… but Taylor was in the audience. I know Tay knew that Dave and I were still together, but he hadn’t seen us like… well… making out.
My cue came, and I wiped my sweaty palms against my bare legs and made my way out on stage. Dave was laying out on a couch, pretending to be asleep. I could feel my muscles tighten…but I wasn’t going to mess up. Just do it. I crawled up onto him, slinking along like a cat. He resisted me, acting all surprised. Then. I did it. I visibly shoved my tongue in his mouth, straddling him. Despite the fact that I was acting, it was an amazing kiss. Dave’s hands were all over my body. I think we both forgot we were acting for a little bit. I sat up to say my line, and my voice almost didn’t come.
A few scenes later was my big scene with Heidi. It was this huge screaming fight with crying and throwing of things. It was way dramatic. Heidi had a kind of crazy twinkle in her eye, looking at me in a weird way. It made the tension even more palpable. When we left the stage, the audience erupted into raucous applause. I nearly fainted with relief. It was my next-to-last scene. I was so relieved. I just wanted it all to be over. I loved acting, of course, and the excitement in the darkness of the wings, and the heat of the lights on your face, the scent of the backstage, the quick costume changes in the hall, the captivation of the audience, the applause, the goose bumps. But I didn’t like the making out, the touching, the near nudity… in front of Ike, Tay, and Zac.
My last scene required me to run across the empty stage in a training bra and underwear, screaming and crying… looking all hysterical…. And then it was done. As I returned to the wings, I sighed relief. It was over. Sure, there were more days of the show, but Taylor wouldn’t be there in the audience… breathing the same air as me.
For curtain call, Dave and I came out last, hand in hand. After our bow, D.C. told us to kiss, to make it kind of like a happy ending because the plot had been so tumultuous. I was so excited that it was all over, and on such an adrenaline rush that I leapt on Dave and laid one on him with my legs wrapped around his waist. The audience ate it up.
We didn’t wait to get all of our make-up off and change our clothes. After the curtain closed, we all ran through to greet our audience, which was mostly our friends.
“You never cease to amaze me,” Ike smiled when I hugged him. “Is there anything you can’t do?”
“Wear clothes, apparently,” Zac teased as I hugged him. It was awkward. He was right… when was the last time I wore clothes around him?
“Only for you, Zac,” I tried to sound relaxed, but I don’t know if it worked.
Hugging Taylor was agonizing. I couldn’t look into his eyes, and yet I wanted to have his hands on me just a little longer. Dave came up behind me to save me from all the weirdness. He swept me away in a stream of see-you-laters and brought me backstage.
“Come on,” his eyes were twinkling as he yanked my arm back to the dressing room. “Get dressed.”
“What’s the hurry?”
“I wanna go out or something.”
“Huh?”
“I wanna fix things,” he said, lowering his voice a little, “I want us to have fun together like we used to.”
“Okay,” I smiled, wiping some of the make-up off my face.
When I was suitably dressed, he grabbed my hand again and yanked me out of the building. I’d wanted to talk to D.C. and some of the others, but all I managed to do was wave.
In the car, Dave put on the oldies station and we blasted the music really loudly, singing at the tops of our lungs and head banging like the wild teenagers we were. At top speeds, we zoomed through the street.
“Mind if we stop at my house?” he asked, “I wanna change for real.”
“No problem at all.”
We pulled up to his house and danced our way inside, singing in harmony, being loud and obnoxious.
“Close your eyes,” he smiled before he opened the door.
“Why?”
“Just do it,” he giggled like a little boy and grabbed my hand.
I obeyed, still humming. Dave took my hand and lead me into the house. I bumped into the back of the couch, causing me to trip over myself and tumble to the floor in uncontrollable giggles.
“Keep your eyes shut,” Dave lifted me up. Even with my eyes shut, I could hear him trying to suppress laughter.
“Okay,” he said, pressing his lips to my cheek softly, “Open your eyes.”
When I did, I gasped. His entire house was covered in candles. I mean the whole thing. Every surface was covered with tea lights and votive candles, scented ones in glass jars, tall, drippy ones, huge wide ones with three wicks, long skinny ones with tall flames… every single kind of candle ever imagined. They created such a huge, warm glow that they lit the house by themselves. Every surface that wasn’t covered in a little flickering light was coated by a blanket of flower petals of every shape and color.
“Dave,” I managed to squeak out.
“I’m sorry,” he took my hand and put it to his chest, “for not being everything you need. I’m sorry for being who I am because I know I’m less than you deserve. I’m sorry if I’ve been a bad influence on you. I should do more for you and treat you better. I’m sorry, Tayler.”
Tears were collecting in the corners of my eyes. Words wouldn’t come to my lips. My limbs were frozen.
“Tay?” he seemed alarmed at my lack of reaction.
I did the only thing I could. I melted into him, hugging him tightly. I knew how I felt about him just then, and it was refreshing. I knew I loved him. That’s all I knew. The candles flickered and the flowers smelled like heaven, and I loved him. I couldn’t think about Taylor or Zac or Heidi or New York or Jeremiah or D.C. or anything. It was just Dave and I in the small piece of bliss he’d created for me.
I felt okay for the first time in a very very very long time. We just held each other, feeling comfortable and warm, knowing how right it was. I closed my eyes and pressed my cheek to his, inhaling his scent.
It was right this time. It was right as we kissed softly and removed one another’s clothing. It was right as we lay back on the couch cushions and occupied the same space. Everything was right. Instead of pawing at each other, it was gentle and calm. Instead of thunderclaps and voices in the background, we could hear only each other. There was no musty smell of damp cigarettes and no bumpy road. It was only us- Dave and Tayler- and it was more right and special and comfortable than I could have ever imagined.
