The trip home was largely silent, and even though Tay and I now could, we didn’t even hold hands. We didn’t even look at each other either. His mother insisted on the fact that I was pregnant with her son’s child, and would not let me carry any supplies as we hiked back. Not that I complained, because Carla had to carry all my stuff.
The drive home was a little less tense because we rode back with Mr. Hanson, and he seemed to be amused with the idea.
“So, son,” he kept saying, “you really go the girl next door, didn’t you?” and then he would look at me in the rear view mirror and say, “Welcome to the family.” I assumed that Mrs. Hanson hadn’t told him about the whole pregnant thing.
When we got home, Heidi and I said our goodbyes quickly and then rushed home to take some real showers. It felt really nice to be back at my house. My mother was really happy to see us, and she made some of our favorite foods.
“So how was the trip?” my mother asked when we were all seated at the table.
Heidi looked over at me. Taking a deep breath, I told the whole story (emitting the part with the condoms… she wouldn’t be too fond of that). My mother scolded me for fighting with Carla, and then said that she was unaware that Tay and I were that close.
“I’m not pregnant,” I informed her.
“But you can’t blame Diana for thinking so.”
“Just because her son and I go out? Just because I puked in the morning?”
“She just over reacted.”
“I guess.”
I went up in to my room and fell asleep almost immediately. It was great to be sleeping in a bed, even though I was alone. My dreams were filled of images from the trip… the campfires, swimming, hiking, and… the shower. I wondered as I slept what it would be like to be going out with Tay and not having to pretend we weren’t.
I awoke abruptly. I looked at the clock. 10 AM. Taylor was going away in less than 24 hours. He’d told me he’d come over at around two, and we could spend his last day there with me. I’m sure his mother liked that one.
How could this be his last day? It was like, unimaginable. It felt like he’d been home forever, and that they’d never be leaving. It had always been hard on me when they left, but this time, I wasn’t sure if I could handle it.
“Tay!” Heidi called up the stairs, “Taylor is here!”
“Coming!” I called back, taking a last look in the mirror. I trotted down the stairs excitedly. Heidi smiled and handed me the picnic basket I’d spent nearly all morning assembling.
I opened the front door and smiled at Tay, “Ready?” I was practically bubbling.
“You look beautiful,” he took my hand and spun me around. I was wearing this dress that my mother had made for me when I was in like ninth grade. It was yellow gingham with little white checks. It had an empire waist with little white rickrack along the seam and a halter top with a deep V. Since I had grown a lot since freshman year, it was like six inches above my knee. I wore white flip flops with a little daisy between my toes. I’d spent all morning curling my hair into soft curls at the bottom.
“Thanks, you’re not so shabby yourself,” I smiled.
“Where are we going?” he asked.
“On a picnic.”
I took his hand and led him down my street to a place that Odessa and I had gone for a picnic once. It was this grassy field kind of place with no people around anywhere. As I laid out the blanket, Taylor poured some lemonade into two cups and handed me one.
“Look what your mother gave me,” I took the box of condoms out of the picnic basket and threw it in his lap.
“Those were in with the food?” he seemed slightly disgusted.
“I think maybe Carla like put them in your bag or something.”
“Oh,” he chewed his lip, thoughtfully, blushing.
“What?”
“Well… Don’t get pissed, but… um… Carla didn’t put them in my bag.”
“You brought them with you?” I laughed.
He nodded guiltily. “Don’t be angry.”
“Thought you would get lucky on a family outing?” I laughed louder.
“Hey, you never know,” he shrugged, joining my laughter.
“So how are your parents?” I asked, shaking my head.
“Well, I convinced my mother not to hound you for a pregnancy test.”
“Seriously?!”
“She’s coming around. When we come back and she sees you don’t have a baby, I think she’ll get it.”
My heart sunk, “So how long are you going to be away for?”
He looked away from my eyes, into the distance and said, “I dunno… a couple months.”
Sighing, I lay down on my stomach, letting the warm sun soak into my skin. “Long enough for me to have a baby?” I teased.
“I hope not,” he looked sad.
“I hate when you look at me like that,” I covered my eyes.
“Like what?” he laughed, pulling my hand away from my face.
“All sad like that…it hurts.”
“Hurts?”
“Well your eyes are so…” I blushed.
“My eyes are so…” he waited for me to finish.
“Beautiful,” I blushed harder.
“Think so?” he pondered.
“They’re amazing.”
“Why?” he was curious.
“Do you just want to hear me gush over you?” I laughed, propping myself up on my elbows.
“Partially,” he smirked.
“Well, to start off, they’re the bluest blue I’ve probably ever seen.”
“Keep going,” he smiled.
I rolled my eyes, and said in an unaffected tone, “And they’re clear and perfect and they have the ability to see into my soul.”
“Sandwich?” Tay laughed, satisfied, pulling food out of the basket.
“No thanks,” I shook my head, closing my eyes. The weather was more perfect than I could have ever imagined. I almost fell asleep there in Tay’s shadow, the sun on the bare skin of my back and legs. Tay traced circles on my bare shoulders, giving me goose bumps.
“Why do you have to leave?” I asked after a few minutes. He remained silent. I knew that was a crappy thing to ask, because he was probably excited to go make music, so I added, “Forget about it. Pretend I didn’t ask you that.”
He laughed, still tracing shapes on my skin.
“What’s so funny?” I sat up.
“You have the cutest accent.” I raised my eyebrow at him, not really knowing what he was talking about. He smiled, “You just said ‘fuhgeddaboudit’.”
I sat up, “I didn’t know I had an accent.”
“I love it,” he took my hand in his.
I looked down at our laced fingers. “Remember when we were in New York and you cracked your knuckles all the time?” I asked.
“Yea,” he laughed.
“And I used to give you hand massages?”
“Uh huh.”
“Wanna know a secret?”
“Okay.”
“The only reason I insisted on doing it was because I love your hands,” I blushed.
“You wanna know a secret?” he smirked.
“Okay.”
“I only cracked my knuckles because I knew you’d massage my hands,” he couldn’t look into my eyes.
Out of all the cute things Tay had ever said to me, that was probably the cutest by far. I sighed, wishing I could beg him to stay. Instead, I remained silent. The moments he was staying were slipping away.
“You know what?” he said, after a long silence, pulling me backward so I was leaning on his chest.
“What?”
“This sucks.”
“Yea,” I sighed, watching some clouds drift by.
“I wish it wasn’t this way.”
I sat up and turned to him, “So do I, but you have to go. And you’re gonna have lots of fun and meet new people and see new things.”
“Did I ever tell you that you have beautiful hair?” he cracked a small smile, reaching up and twirling some of my hair around his fingers. He obviously didn’t want to talk about his leaving. It was fine with me that the subject was changing. I didn’t want to think about it either. “No you didn’t, but thanks,” I smiled.
“I’ve always thought that. It’s so soft and shiny… what kind of shampoo do you use?”
I laughed, “I dunno. Whatever brand my mother buys. Why?”
“Because it smells good, too,” he hugged me to him so that he could breathe in the scent.
Was he trying to make me miss him? I sighed, letting him play with pieces of my hair. We sat there for like an hour. As the minutes ticked by, the sky got grayer and grayer.
“It’s going to rain,” he said.
“I don’t care.”
“We’re going to get soaked,” he motioned to the rain that had begun to fall around us.
“I don’t want to go back yet.”
“But Robinson-”
“It’s okay,” I stood up, raising my arms to the steadily falling drops. Taylor folded up the blanket we were sitting on and stuffed it in the picnic basket. I grabbed his arm, though, and said, “Please don’t.”
“Robinson-”
“Tay,” I said, getting soaked by cold rain drops, “I have to talk to you about something.”
“You’re not really pregnant, are you?” he laughed.
“Seriously,” I didn’t smile. “I need to… um…” a huge crash of thunder interrupted me. If I didn’t do it now, I wouldn’t ever be able to. “Tay…” I choked out. “Yea?” he looked almost concerned. “I… I love you.”
