By Tracy
Author's Notes: Thanks to Laura, Amy and Serendipity, who inspire me more than they'll ever know. Thanks also to Annie, who volunteered to beta this for me. This fic is dedicated to everyone who sent me feedback for Tunnel Vision. You guys keep reading, and I'll keep writing. Deal?
Part Six
Willow sat on the side of Oz's bed, dimly aware of Buffy and Xander hovering nearby. Buffy draped a blanket across her shoulders, rubbing her back lightly as she did so. Willow sent her a grateful smile before her boyfriend recaptured her attention. Although they considered Oz a close friend, it was obvious that Buffy and Xander were more concerned that Willow was going to snap.She knew better. She had already snapped.
The one man in her life who let her be who she needed to be all the time, without putting any expectations on her, was unconscious, comatose even, and it was all her fault. Xander and Buffy always needed her to be their best friend, to be the smart one, the supportive one. With Oz, she only had to be who she felt like being. Whether she felt strong or weak or scared or funny, it didn't matter to him. He loved everything she could be. He was the man who loved her for who she'd been, who she was, and who she was going to be. She knew how special that was.
But more importantly, she felt the same way. Although being loved by Oz was wonderful, being able to love him was incredible. To know that she could kiss him and he would be happy was amazing. To make him happy with a joke or a smile or a touch, was better than anything she could dream of. She loved loving him. The feeling was intoxicating, addictive. She loved making him smile, making him tremble, and the way her heart felt when she made him happy. She loved giving him pieces of herself, knowing he'd treasure them. She wanted to be everything he wanted.
And she'd hurt him. Maybe…. Maybe even killed him. Even though she hadn't meant for anything like this to happen, the pressure surrounding her heart was unbearable.
With a quiet sob, her heart broke, and she moved to hug him, wrapping herself around his still form. She was convinced that if she could get close enough, she wouldn't hurt anymore. Oz always made the hurt go away. Her breath came in ragged gasps as tears clogged her throat. She could hear gut-wrenching sobs surrounding her, and was genuinely surprised when she realized she was the source. Buffy and Xander appeared out of nowhere, touching and smoothing her hair back. She could hear them whispering soothing words, and she shrank away from them, trying to get closer to Oz.
Buffy withdrew, concern more than evident on her face. Xander caught her expression and backed away as well.
"She's freaked," Buffy breathed.
"Seriously," Xander agreed. His heart clenched as he watched his friend. "No sleep, lots of guilt, makes for a crazy Willow."
Buffy nodded. "I don't know what to do."
Xander shrugged helplessly. "Me either."
They stood watch over their friend as she cried her heart out, and waited for the storm to pass.
*** Willow's eyes burned. Her throat was raw. Her chest was tight and her heart ached. Then something caught her attention. She silenced immediately, pulling away from Oz. She eyed him critically, icy cold terror spreading through her body.
Xander and Buffy stood with her sudden quiet. She'd been hysterical for nearly an hour.
Willow held her breath as her eyes swam in unshed tears. "NO! NO! NO!" She clutched Oz to her desperately, before becoming almost militant, leaning over him and pounding on his chest. "Don't you DARE, Oz! You hear me? DON'T YOU DARE!"
Xander was there instantly, lifting her off Oz, who was starting to bounce under her intense assault. She struggled in his grip, and he wisely kept her feet from touching the floor, where she could get the traction to attack again. He roughly turned Willow's face to his, making sure her eyes locked with his. "What?! Will, what is it?"
Her voice nearly failed as she whispered the answer. "He's stopped breathing."
Xander neatly deposited her to the floor, and Buffy wrapped secure arms around her, keeping her in place. Xander leaned over Oz and put his ear to the teen's mouth and nose, listening for the whistle of air. He checked for a pulse, and finding a faint beat, began administering CPR.
Willow clung to Buffy, no longer struggling, watching her oldest friend try to save her future.
The room remained absolutely silent except for Xander's breathing and soft counting Once it became apparent that Willow wasn't going to assault anything, Buffy let her arms drop to her sides. Willow slowly moved to the bedside, wordlessly taking Oz's hand in her own.
"Oz, stay with me. Please. You don't even have to wake up. Just don't…" She couldn't say it. Couldn't think it. It was too real already. She brought his unresponsive hand to her cheek, pressing it against her skin, reassuring herself that he was still warm, still Oz, and she would get him back. She leaned so that her head was on the pillow next to his, and began whispering in his ear. "Oz, remember how we were going to take that trip to the beach next weekend? We can't if you don't come back. All those things we planned, all those silly ideas… I need you to be there for them to come true. I need you. You're so wonderful. And sweet. And I love you. I can't let you go. I can't." Her eyes remained fixated on his chest. She watched it rise and fall as Xander forced air into Oz's lungs. "I'm waiting, Oz. I'm here. I'm never leaving you. All you have to do, is turn around, and find me. I'm right here."
Buffy fought her own tears as she watched Willow beg Oz to live. The redhead now appeared totally calm, and Buffy crouched beside the bed, reaching for Oz's other hand. She pressed her fingers to his wrist, closing her eyes with relief as she felt the light, steady beat beneath the skin. "His heart's still going."
Xander nodded, not breaking stride. His brow had broken out in a sweat borne more of frustration and fear than of exertion. One-two-three-breathe. One-two-three-breathe. He continued his task, reminding himself that this wasn't the first time he'd done this. Buffy let her other hand tangle in Oz's hair, praying everything would be okay.
Then Oz drew a shallow breath. Xander sat back at once, a shaky laugh of relief escaping his lips. "He's back," he panted.
"He's back?" Willow questioned. "He's back!" She pressed her lips to his cheek, happy tears springing to her eyes.
Buffy began to laugh, throwing her arms around Xander. He patted her awkwardly as he tried to calm his racing heart.
Willow stared at Oz's chest, a light, airy giggle coming from her. She took a deep breath and turned to stare at his face. She smiled to herself as she traced his eyelids and lips.
"That was close," Buffy said, making Willow remember she wasn't alone.
She jumped from the bed and launched herself into Xander's arms, showering his chin with light kisses. She pulled back and looked into his eyes. "Thank you." Xander felt her words in his heart, and he smiled nervously.
Willow returned to her spot on the bed and grasped Oz's hand. She wasn't going anywhere.
***
on to part seven