Everything Stands Still

Author's Note: The song is by Heather Nova, and I made a small reference to The Matrix. < g > Figure me out.

"And everything stands so still.
When you dance, everything
spins so fast.
And the nights in a paper cup
when you want it to last."-- Heather Nova
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I once heard it said that there are moments in your life that make you, that set the course of who you're going to be. Sometimes they're simple, subtle moments, and sometimes... Sometimes they're not. I think it was you who told me that.
And you were right.
Tonight I've been through something that I never had thought I would live to experience. Total love, complete acceptance, overwhelming affection and melting tenderness. I made love to Oz tonight. I made love to him and I know that there's no way I'll ever be the same after this. Every morning when I wake up, if I'm alive in a few days time, I'll think about Oz, and how much I love him. And how much he loves me.
He was moving above me, then next to me, and then inside of me. And I don't mean that he was just physically inside of me, his body inside of mine. I mean that when we made that contact-- That most intimate contact-- that we became something more than we were before, something more because we were no longer separate people; We were the same human, the same mind. The same soul.
Have you ever... Well, I mean, when you did, did you look up and see the love shining out of his eyes? Almost tangible. I guess that sounds stupid. Definitely tangible. And it was just like... Like everything in the world that was important in that moment was him. Like the world had stopped moving, and we were living in one place of time, and that it was also moving so fast, rushing by me so quickly that if I tried to grab it, it would have hurt my hand.
Moments like that are once in a lifetime, I think.
You wonder and dream about that time when you're little, you know? The minute that you realize the full weight of love and everything that it brings out in you and everything you can add to it. And then you're *there* and you know *exactly* what to do, you know how important it is, as if you only half-knew before. You touch his face, his skin, and let him touch yours, and then you're having that contact where two bodies are one, and you just... know.
I'm sorry, I'm still a little giddy.
I've been having trouble looking at him now, almost like I'm shy, though he's seen everything in me I ever was afraid to show. But when we do lock eyes, it boils down to there again: And we're sitting on my bed, and he's kissing me and everything is *perfect.* I always thought that perfection was unattainable, and I may never feel so wonderful again, but I know that for at least one time in my life, there *was* perfection, and I helped create it. It was mine. It belonged solely to me and to Oz.
He put his hand on my head tonight, in the library before you left, and I was dizzy. I was dizzy and happy and *so* scared, Buffy."
Buffy looked at Willow as she finally fell to contemplative silence. She reached up and touched her bandaged neck softly, thoughtfully, and then patted Willow's hand.
"Would it make you feel better if I told you that I wasn't?" she asked.
"No, because I'd know you were lying." Willow smiled and Buffy did too, adjusting herself so that she sat cross legged on her bed.
"So what are you guys..."
"I don't know," Willow broke in when Buffy trailed off. "I mean, it's not like we planned this. I just feel so different, Buffy! I can't even explain... But you know what I mean, don't you?"
Buffy nodded and licked her lips. "Mostly. But when I woke up, Angel wasn't there. You're so lucky, Wills. I'm so happy for you."
Willow smiled. "Thanks. I wish your moments... after... had been as wonderful as mine. But, I keep thinking..." she looked at her hands. "I don't want to say this, but what if, after tomorrow, I never see him again? What if I never see you?"
Buffy shook her head. "It won't happen. I mean, even if... Even if there is an even if, we'll see each other. There has to be a little compensation. Do you know what I mean? I don't believe that when you die there's blackness. And trust me, I've been dead."
Willow laughed lightly, grabbing her best friend's hand and squeezing it.
"Have you ever thought about how things have changed, Buffy? We're all *so* *different* that a few years ago, I wouldn't be able to imagine myself in the future. Would you have ever guessed, then, that the love of your life would be a vampire?"
Buffy grinned. "No, I know. I'm just glad he's going to be okay. He's part of me now. It's like, what you said. That when we made love, when we finally overcame everything else in the world, I became part of him and he became part of me. And the world slowed until it was like I was Keanu Reeves, and the bullet stopped in front of me. And it was all because we were touching like that, the first people ever to touch like that, it seemed. Like we invented a new kind of love." Her eyes took on a faraway look, and Willow squeezed her hand again.
"You did," she whispered to her friend.
Buffy's eyes misted, and she leaned over to hug Willow. "I think you did too. That whole thing with Xander--" Willow cut her off, scowling playfully.
"Was a mistake."
"I know, I was just saying that I think it cemented your relationship with Oz, even if it *did* create a rocky time. I think you saw something in him, something that you maybe hadn't seen before. Something that, as you just found out, can slow down time." Buffy's lips lifted softly.
"We're way too romantic at heart, you know that right?" Willow giggled suddenly.
Buffy laughed with her. "Of course! Why else would we be with a vampire and a werewolf?"
The laughter faded and they looked at each other. Willow's eyes warmed and a soft, sweet smile spread over her face.
"Because," she explained simply. "For them, and with them, everything stands still."

The End
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