Xander pounded on the door as Oz looked on, eyes gleaming. “Nobody seems to be home.” They both glanced over at the driveway to the familiar car.“Or somebody just isn’t answering.” Oz told him. “Try the door.”
“Gee, can’t imagine why he wouldn’t want to see us.” He turned the knob, but it was locked and solid. “Damn, where’s the Slayer when you need her?” Xander saw Oz sizing up the door. “Think we can do it?”
“Only one way to find out.”
“You know, if we bust the door in it’ll be breaking and entering.”
“Really not a concern of mine.”
Xander nodded as he backed up and stood next to Oz. “Me either, but I thought I’d mention it.” They counted to three and rammed it with all they had. The door gave way easily under their combined strength. “Oops.”
Oz entered the house and after a quick glance around headed up the stairs to the second floor with Xander on his heels. The second door they tried was the right one.
“Well, he’s either a slob or he was leaving in a hurry.” Xander offered.
The bed was made and other than clothes tossed around and drawers standing open it was relatively tidy. “I’m voting for leaving in a hurry.”
“I realize it’s circumstantial evidence but I’m thinking guilty.” A shirt on the floor caught Xander’s eye. It was black, but speckled with darks pots. He handed it to Oz who brought it to his face and inhaled deeply.
“Now it’s concrete. That’s Willow’s blood.” Before the attacker had been faceless. Now when the images of Willow’s assault played themselves out in Oz’s mind there was a face to go with it. Someone that she had trusted had done this to her. How was that even possible? How could somebody who knew her do this? The enraged guitarist turned and grabbed each item on the dresser and in turn smashed them against the far wall. Soon the floor was littered with liquid, broken glass and chunks of plaster.
Xander watched quietly until he was finished. “Do you feel any better?”
Oz shook his head. “Not a bit.”
“Didn’t think so. What do you want to do now?”
Oz was at a loss. Suddenly their roles had been reversed. Oz was the irrational one while Xander was keeping his emotions in check. Though one look in his eyes told Oz exactly how difficult it was for him. “I don’t know. I can’t even form a thought right now.”
“You either huh?” Xander put a hand on his shoulder. “Let’s go to the hospital and check on Will. Giles will probably be there soon, we’ll talk to him.”
“Okay.” Oz took another look around the room and suppressed the urge to smash something else knowing it wouldn’t do any good nor would it make him feel any better.
“We’ll find him. I promise you that.”
* * * When they got to the hospital they ran into Giles coming out of Willow’s room. He looked like hell. It was obvious he hadn’t gotten any sleep nor had he bothered to shave.
Giles being ever so observant noticed the looks he was receiving from the duo. “After you dropped me off I went home, but I couldn’t sleep.” The truth was every time he closed his eyes horrible visions haunted him. “So I came back here. I’ve been sitting in the lobby occasionally checking on her until just a couple of hours ago. A kind nurse took pity on me and let me stay with her.”
“How is she?” Oz and Xander unconsciously held their breath waiting for an answer. The nurse had reported on her physical condition over the phone, but they were concerned with her state of mind and any signs of discomfort.
Giles inhaled deeply. “She slept soundly throughout the night until about an hour ago when she woke up.”
“So she’s awake?” They both started toward the room, but Giles held his hand out to stop them.
“The doctor is with her now, examining her.” Giles knew he had to tell them. “Willow is awake, but she’s still non-responsive. She just stares out the window.”
Oz felt like he had been punched in the stomach, but Xander refused to let his hope be diminished. “The doctor said that was normal right? Her mind just isn’t ready to deal with this. So we’ll give her some time and she’ll come back to us.”
Before Giles could reply Oz spoke up, mostly because he wanted to go with Xander’s theory and didn’t want to hear Giles disagree. Since they had arrived his mind and heart had been torn between Willow’s condition and the reason they had been looking for Giles. While he was still reeling from the news about Willow he needed to bring up the attacker. “Giles, we know who did this.”
Giles was so surprised by the unexpected outburst he nearly dropped his glasses that he had been polishing. “What??”
“Percy Whitmore.” Xander spit out the name.
“The basketball player Willow has been tutoring? Are you certain?”
“Devon saw them together last night. We went to his house to talk.” Oz ignored the reproachful look the Watcher started to give them. “Nobody was home, but there was a shirt in his room with Willow’s blood on it. It looked like Percy packed up before he took off.”
“I take it you broke into his home?”
Oz nodded but his eyes pleaded with him to understand. “Giles, what else could we do? What would you have done?”
Though he’d never admit it to them Giles knew that he would have done exactly the same thing if he had been there. “What did you do after you found the shirt?”
“We came straight here to check on Will and find you.” Xander told him hoping they had done the right thing.
Giles’ mind struggled to think, which was difficult. At the moment all he wanted to do was strangle the student as well, or let Xander and Oz at him with his blessing. “We should call the police.”
“The only thing we can tell them is that he was the last known person with Willow. I doubt they’re going to start a manhunt over that. We can’t very well tell them we broke into his house and found what we know is Willow’s blood because Oz is a werewolf.”
“True, but they would go to question him and they’ll find him missing. At least they’ll be suspicious. I don’t think we should leave Willow unwatched until he is found, just to be safe.”
Before they could say anymore the doctor came out and joined them. “Good morning. I assume Mr. Giles has told you about Willow’s condition.”
Oz found the courage to ask the question that was on all of their minds. “Any idea how long she’ll be like this?”
The doctor shook her head. “Sadly, no. Physically she is the same, which is good. Her mental state is a whole other issue. She could snap out of it right away or it could take much longer. There’s no way to tell. I’m going to schedule a visit with the psychologist for Monday. Then Dr. Atkins can review her case and make an evaluation.”
“But she let you examine her without a fight right?” Xander asked believing it to be a good sign. At least Willow felt safe and knew she wasn’t in danger.
The doctor decided to be honest with them even though it may be brutal. “Yes she did. But that in itself isn’t necessarily a good sign. It tells me that her mind is so far removed from what is happening around her that she isn’t even aware.”
It was obvious by their devastated looks that that thought hadn’t even crossed their minds. Oz was the first to recover. “Can we go in and sit with her?”
“Of course, but I want you both to be prepared, it’s very unsettling. I know you think you can go in there and you’ll be able to reach her. Maybe you can, but you have to keep in mind that you won’t be able to until she is ready for it. That might not be for some time.” She let this sink in for a moment before she continued. I encourage you to talk to her, but I’m sure I don’t need to impress upon you the importance of being careful what you say. If she appears to become distressed at all call the nurse immediately. One last thing, be careful of physical contact. An examine is clinical and different than kissing her forehead or touching her hand. She might let you or she might feel threatened by it. If you try to touch her and she reacts badly don’t push it and don’t take it personally. It’s not you she’s withdrawing from.”
“Do you want me to go in with you?” Giles offered.
“No, it’s okay.” Oz was still shaken from the doctor’s words, but knew that all he wanted was to see her no matter how hard it might be for him.
“Alright. I’m going to make a couple of phone calls. I’ll be back in a few moments.”
Giles and the doctor left Xander and Oz alone outside Willow’s room. They shared a glance to gather their courage and together they walked into the room of the woman that meant so very much to them both.
* * * Willow was aware of her body’s surroundings even though she wasn’t experiencing them. She felt as if she were outside of her body looking down on it and everything that was happening to her. Instead of being alarmed by this she felt calm. She had no idea why she was in the hospital and that really didn’t worry her. It was a lot like floating.
While the doctor had examined her she watched on calmly. That was when she felt the presence for the first time. “Who are you?” she wasn’t scared but she was curious.
“I’m you.”
“Why can’t I feel what’s happening to me? Am I dead?”
The presence could only laugh. “No, you’re not dead. You don’t remember what happened do you?” Willow shook her head. “That’s good. It’s not time yet, you’re not ready. When you are I’ll let you go back.”
Willow was beginning to feel angry with the presence and feeling somewhat trapped. “How will you know when I’m ready?”
“Because I’m you.”
Willow watched as Oz and Xander came into the room. They looked so sad and worried. She wanted so much to tell them that it was okay, but she couldn’t make the lips move. She struggled to remember what had happened, maybe then she would return to her body. She struggled and bits and pieces started coming to her, but nothing solid.
She had been in the alley with Percy, he was upset about something. Willow tried to calm him down, but he just grew more and more agitated. He backed her up against the wall, pressing his body against hers. She had tried to push him away but he was too strong. Percy hit her and wrestled her to the ground.
The presence was suddenly next to her again, the voice soothing. “Don’t force the memories. They will come in time when you are ready for them.”
“Oz is so worried, I can see it on his face. I need to let him know that I’m okay.” The presence should understand if she was her how much that meant.
“Oz loves you, he will give you the time you need. He won’t force you to come back. They just want to be near you, that’s enough for them for now.”
* * * When Oz and Xander first sat down next to the bed they had a hard time, neither one knew what to say. They didn’t want to upset her but they wanted her to know that they were there. Oz decided to talk about neutral topics like the band and rehearsal. Soon Xander was telling stories of their childhood and after Giles joined them he told stories of growing up in England. It was almost as if the more they talked the more they kept their mind off of what was really happening. As long as nobody stopped to think it would all be alright.
In the middle of telling about the first time Willow rode a bike Xander glanced at Oz and saw the tears streaming down his face as he watched Willow’s total lack of response. Oz glanced at Xander and motioned for him to continue as he got up and headed for the door. Giles started to stand but Oz shook his head. “Just give me a minute.”
Oz opened the door and stepped out into the hall just as Buffy rounded the corner. She started to speak but instead threw her arms around him as her own tears fell. Oz gripped her into a tight embrace as if holding on for his own life. After a couple of minutes she pulled back and looked at him. Usually his face was expressionless to see so much raw pain there was startling. “Is somebody with her?”
“Giles and Xander.”
Buffy nodded and took his hand in hers. “Let’s go outside for a minute.” She saw his hesitation and gently started leading him toward the elevator. “You look like you could use some fresh air. I promise we’ll just be gone a couple of minutes.”
Joyce had told Buffy everything as soon as she walked in the door and she had come straight to the hospital. She hadn’t even stopped to digest everything, not wanting to take the time knowing how badly she was needed here.
Once they got outside Oz was amazed to realize it was already early evening. Sitting down on the steps Buffy continued to hold his hand as she waited.
“It hurts so much to see her like that, so separated from everything.” Oz drew in a deep breath. “But maybe that’s not the worst part. Maybe the worst is knowing that it’s better for her that way. She’s better not having to remember what that bastard did to her, what he made her do. Then I feel selfish because I want her back no matter if it’s hard for her or not. I just need her so much. I can’t imagine a day without seeing her smile or hearing her voice.”
Buffy nodded. “I know what you mean. I need her too, she’s my best friend. Willow won’t let us down. Besides I know she needs you just as badly. Do you have any idea how much she loves you?”
Oz remembered the scene he had found in her bedroom yesterday and could only nod, he knew exactly how much and he thanked God for the thousandth time for that love. “Then there’s this other part of me that just wants to beat the shit out of Percy, but he’s nowhere to be found. I feel so torn between wanting to hunt him down and not wanting to leave her side.”
Buffy could feel her Slayer rage race through her veins as she thought of the person responsible for doing this but she suppressed it for his sake. “Right now we should concentrate on Willow. We’ll catch the bad guy in time, we always do.”
Oz squeezed her hand and stood up. “Thanks Buffy. Are you ready to go up there?”
Buffy said yes even though her mind wondered. How can you ever be ready to see your best friend hurting so much and know that there’s nothing you can do?
She forced the next part out in a rush, not giving him a chance to argue. “Oz maybe you should take off for awhile. You have to be exhausted and probably haven’t eaten since yesterday. I’m just suggesting you get something to eat and a couple of hours sleep.”
“I’m fine. Really.”
“Oz, this is me. Don’t try and be all super manly okay? I’ll stay right by her side until you come back and if anything changes I’ll call you right away. There really isn’t anything more you can do. Besides when she comes around she’s going to need you here.”
Even though the last thing he wanted was to leave he knew she was right he was exhausted. And he was man enough to admit it. “Alright. I’ll leave, but only for a couple of hours.”
Buffy smiled, grateful that he was going to take her advice. It was obvious how much he needed to get away even if it was only for a couple of hours.
* * * Buffy and Oz met up with the others in the hallway and she convinced them all to take off for awhile. “Don’t think of it as leaving, think of it as giving me some time alone with her.” After she vowed to call everybody if there was any change at all they reluctantly agreed. Giles and Xander went in to say goodbye and after they left Buffy and Oz went in.
“I’m going to leave for awhile, but I’ll be back soon. I love you.” Oz gently took her hand in his, the first time he had touched her since she had woken up. Immediately he felt her stiffen beneath his touch and she turned her head completely away from him. Desperately he wanted to grab her hand and hold on for dear life, until she wasn’t afraid. Instead he stopped and let go, the single act the most painful thing he had ever done. To let go of her because it was what she wanted.
Buffy was on the other side of the bed and caught the exchange, her heart breaking along with his, for his. She followed him to the door stopping him before he opened it. “Oz . . .”
The pain she expected to see wasn’t there, instead she saw only defeat and numbness. This was like the final blow. Oz knew that it wasn’t him she was afraid of. But that knowledge didn’t make it hurt any less. If anything it increased it, to know that he was unable to give her the comfort that she so desperately needed. Willow was going through so much and there was absolutely nothing he could do to make it better, she was out of his reach, by her choice.
Oz turned away and opened the door whispering, “I’ll be at home if you need me.” Then he was gone.
Buffy took in a deep breath, slowly exhaling and with it trying to release all of the emotions running through her. Forcing out Oz’s pain, Giles’ concern, Xander’s anger, and her own fear. When everything inside her was tuned into only Willow she allowed herself to turn around and face her best friend.
Continues
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