Sitting down in the seat that Oz had vacated Buffy looked at her friend.
For a long time she just sat and watched Willow, desperately searching
for signs of awareness. Even signs of discomfort would let Buffy know
that she was still in there, that she knew what was going on, but there
was nothing. Willow was lost.

When she finally spoke Buffy’s voice was shaky with emotion and seemed
to echo in the surrounding silence. “Oh Willow, I’m so sorry. Sorry that
this happened, sorry that I wasn’t there to protect you, sorry that I
wasn’t here sooner.” Buffy’s first time with Angel had been so loving
and tender, what every girl wished for. What Willow should have had with
Oz. Instead that moment had been stolen from her in an act of violence
that even the Slayer couldn’t fully comprehend. “But I am here now and I
promise you that nobody is going to hurt you again. You’re safe now.”
Even to Buffy’s ears the words held little comfort. It was all too
little too late and she was painfully aware of it.

“More than anything I wish you would talk to me or give me some sign. I
don’t know what to do here Will. Part of me thinks that I should give
you this time. That wherever your mind is right now at least you’re at
peace. Then there is this other part that feels like you are so far away
and alone. And right or wrong I can’t let you go through this alone, I
won’t.” Buffy reached out taking her friends’ hand in her own. Willow
stiffened at the contact and attempted to pull away, but Buffy held on,
refusing to let go.

“Will, I can’t even imagine what you have been through, but I am here
and I want to help. I don’t blame you for hiding where you feel safe,
but please believe me you are safe here. It will hurt to face what
happened, but it won’t be the most difficult thing you’ve ever faced.
The worst is behind you, I promise.” Though Willow was still stiff Buffy
realized she had stopped trying to pull away. “You have to take your
life back. We know what Percy did to you, it’s not your fault, you
couldn’t fight him. But no matter what he took from you in the alley he
can’t take away you. He can’t take away everything Willow. You’re too
strong for that. He can’t take us away, or how much we love you. How
much Oz loves you. Don’t let him take away who you are.”

Willow heard everything Buffy said and she wanted more than anything to
let her comfort her, to allow herself to be comforted. Willow relaxed
her mind and let the memories just under the surface break through. The
memories terrified her, but she forced herself to let them come. She
could feel herself being pulled back into her body and the aches and
pains were awful. The peacefulness was replaced by feelings of being
violated and dirty. It was so tempting to turn away, letting herself
drift out again, but she knew she had to do this. The presence was
close, but now it remained silent and it was at that moment she knew she
was doing the right thing.

“I wish I knew some magic words to bring you back to us. I racked my
brain the whole way over here for the perfect phrase that would make it
all alright for you and finally I came to realize that there just isn’t
one. This is a step that you have to make. If I could make it for you I
would, in a heartbeat. But I can’t. You have to want to come back to
us.”

Suddenly Buffy felt Willow grip her hand tightly and when she looked up
Willow’s gaze met hers. Without saying another word Buffy pulled Willow
into her arms, cradling her as they both wept.

* * *

“Hello?” Oz had just walked through the door when the phone rang.

“I know you just got home, but how do you feel about turning around and
coming back?” Buffy teased. “There’s somebody here who wants nothing
more than to see her boyfriend.”

It took a second for the words to sink into Oz’s head, his heart soaring
once they did. “Willow’s come around? How is she?”

“She asked me to call you and that’s as far as we’ve gotten. She seems
to be holding it together pretty well though.”

“I’m on my way.” Oz thought for a second before he hung up. “Buffy, will
you call Xander and let him know? He’s worried sick.”

Buffy smiled, grateful that the fluke a few months ago hadn’t stood in
the way of the two men becoming friends. “As soon as I hang up.”

* * *

Stepping off the elevator Oz saw Buffy standing outside Willow’s door
and could feel his heart begin beating a little bit faster. “How is
she?”

Buffy saw the apprehension on the guitarists’ face and was quick to
reassure him. “She’s fine, the doctor is with her.”

“Has she talked about . . . anything?” Oz couldn’t even bring himself to
say Percy’s name or what he had done.

“No. I was talking to her and then she just sort of came back. She let
me hold her and she cried a little but that was it. We only got to talk
for just a few minutes before the doctor came in.” Oz had been afraid
that he had missed something, that he wasn’t there when she needed him.
More than anything he regretted that Willow had to ask for him, he
should have been there waiting. Buffy could read his mind through in his
eyes. “Hey, don’t beat yourself up. Before, she was aware of what was
going on around her she just couldn’t respond to it. She knows that you
were here.”

Before Oz could reply the doctor joined them, instantly holding up her
hands to stop the barrage of questions before they could even begin.
“Have you had any luck reaching her parents yet?”

Buffy felt a pang of guilt, she hadn’t even thought of them. Willow’s
parents were always so absent in her life that when it came to Willow’s
family Buffy automatically thought of the Scooby Gang. Turning to Oz she
hoped he had an answer. “I stopped by her house earlier to check for a
message, but nothing. They’re not due back for another ten days or so.”

“Okay, why don’t we go sit down for a minute.” The doctor led the teens
over to the small waiting area around the corner and poured them all
coffee. “You know, I should be discussing this with her parents,
unfortunately, that’s not an option. It’s clear to me how much she means
to you and you’re here and they’re not so . . . “ Her voice trailed off
as she returned the coffee pot before sitting down between them.

“Let’s deal with the physical aspects first. I have examined her and so
far so good. No complications have arisen as a result of her injuries
and all of the tests have come back negative for any STD’s. We have
given her something to prevent pregnancy.” Oz’s face blanched and Buffy
reached out to squeeze his hand. “Do you need a minute?” The doctor was
as concerned about the boy as her patient, knowing how difficult this
was on him too.

Oz shook his head. “I’m okay.”

“Willow has told me that she remembers the basics of what happened, but
most of it is still very fuzzy. That’s common. The next big hurdle she
faces is giving her statement to the police, with as much as she
remembers. This is critical not only in catching her attacker, but also
in her own healing process. Discussing it will often help draw out the
deeper memories that her mind is still suppressing. Recovering from an
attack like this is much like recovering from a bullet wound. Just as
your body cannot begin to heal until the bullet is out she won’t begin
to heal until she let’s out some of the pain and shares what happened.
Willow has agreed to counseling and seems to feel it’s a good idea.” The
doctor reached out and put her hand on top of theirs, squeezing gently.
“She’s a strong girl and it’s obvious she has a lot of people who love
her very much, I honestly believe she is going to make it through this
much better than any of us can anticipate.”

They all stood. “Willow has asked to take a shower. It’s really more of
a symbolic gesture with victims. They want to wash away any trace of the
attacker, to cleanse herself, this allows them to put some distance
between the attack and the present. I know she is very anxious to see
her boyfriend so when she’s ready just call for one of the nurses and
they’ll come in and wrap her hand. As long as she doesn’t get the
stitches or her cast wet it’s fine and I recommend it.” The doctor
lowered her voice and gave them a conspiratorial look. “I’ll tell the
nurses to look the other way as far as the visiting hour rule for you
guys as long as you keep quiet and stay out of sight of the other
patients.”

“Any idea when she can go home?” Buffy asked.

“Let’s see how she is tomorrow. As long as she feels well and can manage
the pain I’d like to release her tomorrow night providing somebody will
be staying with her.”

Oz grinned. “Not an issue.”

Buffy and Oz both thanked the doctor profusely before she hurried off to
catch up with Willow’s nurse.

“Oz, why don’t you go ahead, I’ll be in soon. I’ve got phone calls to
make, I never did get a hold of Xander.”

Oz could see through Buffy’s excuse before it was even out of her mouth.
He had to admit he was grateful for the time alone with Willow so
instead of arguing he simply nodded before opening the door.

* * *

As Willow sat in bed the sound of Oz’s voice on the other side of the
door reached her ears and her pulse quickened. After the doctor left she
had a few moments alone to think and was now overcome with doubts. All
she had wanted was Oz, to feel his arms around her, to feel just one
thing that was normal and safe.

Now even though logically she knew that none of this was her fault she
couldn’t help wondering how he would react to her. Suddenly she felt
like this ruined, pathetic shell of who she was even yesterday. It was
like Percy had hollowed her out and then thrown her away.

Part of her wondered if Oz would even want to hold her again. If he’d
ever want to kiss her again or if she would even be able to let him.
Their make-out sessions had been so passionate lately and her body had
seemed to be screaming out for him to touch her. It was amazing to
remember that little more than 24 hours ago all she had wanted was to
make love to Oz. To give in to what they both wanted, to be intimate in
every way possible with him. Now the thought of anybody touching her in
an intimate way, even Oz, made her nauseous.

Willow heard the door open and she couldn’t seem to draw in a breath,
horrified that when she looked in Oz’s eyes she would see pity or
disgust. As he walked around the curtain their eyes met and Willow knew
in the space of a heartbeat that all of her doubts and fears had been
groundless. The only thing in his eyes was the love and adoration that
always resided there.

Oz stopped to take in the bittersweet sight of his Willow sitting up in
bed meeting his gaze when suddenly Willow burst into tears, the sobs
racking her tiny frame. Oz made it to her bedside in what seemed to be
one fluid step, immediately putting his arms around her, drawing her
close. The fact that he never hesitated only made her cry harder.

“Shhhh, baby. It’s okay, I’m here. No one is going to hurt you.” Oz
whispered as one hand cradled the back of her head and the other rubbed
her back.

Needing to make him understand Willow struggled to whisper through her
tears. “It’s not that. I was afraid you wouldn’t want me anymore. That
you would just feel sorry for me or be sickened by me.” As she spoke the
tears began to subside and her body became still. “I was afraid I would
lose you, lose us.”

Oz pulled back to look at her in shock. “Oh baby, don’t even think like
that. I love you. Do not, for even a second, think that this changes how
I feel about you or anything between us. It doesn’t Willow, not in any
way. I will always be here, always love you, and always want you. I
can’t imagine my life without you.”

Even in her battered state Willow counted herself lucky. “I know, I
could see it in your eyes. I should never have doubted that.” Oz leaned
forward and kissed her lips with a tenderness that threatened to bring
tears to her eyes again.

“I’m sorry about before, when I pulled away from you.” She remembered
the moment and most of all the look that had come over his face.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for. Nothing.” Taking her hand in
his he carefully sat down on the bed. “Will, I love you and I want to
give you whatever you need. But to be honest I’m not sure what that is
right now so you have to help me a little. If you want to talk I’ll
listen or if you want to talk to somebody else please don’t be afraid to
tell me that either. I’ll understand. Just tell me what you need, what
you want.”

Willow knew that Oz must have a million questions about what happened
and she knew that sooner or later she would answer all of them. This was
something she would have to share with him for both of their sakes,
right now she just couldn’t. In true Oz fashion he wasn’t going to push
her and she was grateful. “First I want a shower.”

“Second?”

Willow’s voice dropped to a whisper. “I just want to be close to you,
that’s all.”

Oz gave her one of his quirky smiles as he reached over to buzz the
nurse. “That I can do.”

* * *

After the nurse had her all prepped for the big shower adventure she
followed her into the small bathroom in the corner of the room making
sure she had soap, towels and all the other necessities. “Do you need
help getting in honey?”

“No, I’ll be fine. Thank you.”

“Remember, if you need me just pull the chord.” Giving Willow a kind
smile she turned and left her alone.

Willow heard Buffy’s voice as she pulled off the hospital gown. “Hey
Will, if you need anything we’re right here.”

“Okay.”

Willow reached for the water dial and waited until it was the desired
temperature before stepping into the stall. As the water hit her body
she felt instant needles of pain wherever it hit a scratch or pulsed
down on a bruise. The sensations came unexpected. She had felt the
soreness, but hadn’t yet looked for abrasions, she hadn’t even seen her
face in a mirror.

With her good hand, Willow carefully lathered up the washrag with soap
as her mind cleared and she tried to relax her body. Once her mind was
blank detailed images of the previous night began popping up. As much as
she didn’t want to remember she knew that sooner or later she would have
to face all of it, not just bits and pieces. Willow allowed her mind to
show her whatever it would.

As images of Percy filled her vision Willow could suddenly account for
the position and cause of every bruise, scratch, and scrape. Closing her
eyes she turned to get her hair wet, moaning audibly as the water
connected with the long scrape on her left shoulder. This is where her
body first made contact with the pavement. She reached up to touch her
face remembering Percy punching her in the jaw when she tried to scream
for help, not surprised to find the flesh tender and swollen. Gingerly
she brushed her fingertips along the stitches on her lip. Looking down
at herself she winced at the sight of the final bruises she had received
and she could feel part of herself struggling to run away and forget.

As the room began to spin Willow called out for the one thing she prayed
would anchor her in reality. “Oz!”

---

Continues
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