Helplessness and Healing
By Leigh
When Oz heard Willow's scream his heart stopped and his body went on
auto-pilot rushing into the bathroom, Buffy right behind him. Throwing
back the curtain he saw Willow backed into the corner, terror on her
face. "Baby, I'm here. It's okay." Stepping into the stall he went to
her while Buffy reached in to turn off the water.
As Oz put his arms around her Willow could feel her body involuntarily
stiffen at the contact, unable to stop it. Oz felt the reaction too, but
refused to let go of her. Instead he held her loosely and soothingly
told her over and over, "I'm right here." After a moment Willow relaxed
and her shaking ceased.
Slipping her arms around his neck she clung tightly trying to explain.
"I remember. Everything. Every detail came rushing back then the room
started spinning. I was so afraid that I'd shut-down again."
Pulling back to meet her eyes Oz wiped away the last of the tears,
studying her gaze intently. "How do you feel now?"
"I feel solid. It's okay."
As Oz's panic subsided he remembered their surroundings. He was standing
in a shower stall with a wet, naked Willow in his arms. Afraid of making
her feel awkward or self-conscious he turned to Buffy and asked for a
towel. Reluctantly he let go of her and stepped back helping her out of
the stall. Oz had to fight to suppress a grimace as his eyes naturally
wandered down her nude body and he saw the various wounds in the harsh
light. As Buffy wrapped the towel around her he saw the dark bruises on
her breasts and for a brief second he saw her thighs. They were covered
in black, finger shaped marks. The anger he felt far surpassing anything
he had ever known.
While Willow slipped the gown on Buffy glanced over at Oz trying to will
him some strength. She had seen them too and knew that they were sharing
the same rage and fear for the girl between them. Suddenly everything
seemed desperately fragile.
Buffy left to search for dry clothes as Oz helped Willow into bed. Once
she was settled she motioned for Oz to sit next to her and took his hand
in hers. "Oz I want to talk about what just happened." The discomfort in
her voice was almost tangible.
"Will, if your embarrassed because you were naked I . . ." Oz never got
to finish the sentence.
"No, it's not really that." Over the past couple of months Oz had seen
quite a few of her parts naked just as she had seen his. "I know you saw
the other . . . stuff." Willow knew his mind was spinning, only able to
imagine the act that had caused each one. She had hoped, even though she
knew it was in vain, that he hadn't seen the worst ones. The ones on her
thighs, there was no need to imagine what had caused those.
Knowing where she was headed he tried to make it easier. "Tell me when
you're ready. Don't force something you're not ready to do for me."
Leaning in she brushed her lips against his. "Thank you for
understanding. I love you."
"I love you too."
"Oz, I know you're tired, but will you stay with me?"
Smiling Oz replied, "Glad you asked 'cause I wasn't planning on
leaving."
Buffy returned and handed Oz a set of hospital scrubs with an apologetic
smile. "It's all they had." Taking them he told her it was okay, at
least they were dry, then headed into the bathroom to change.
Sitting down on the bed beside Willow she looked at her friend and
smiled. "I talked to the guys earlier and they all send their love. They
wanted to come up and see you but I didn't think you needed the
excitement. As a warning I was only able to hold them off until morning.
Well, except for Angel. So I suggest you get a good nights sleep."
Willow smiled thinking about her friends and how much they cared about
her. "Buffy, what about my parents?"
"We haven't been able to reach them. Do you have a number somewhere at .
. ."
Willow cut her friend off mid-sentence with a shake of her head. "I'm
glad. The last thing I want right now is my mother trying to
psycho-analyze me. Just let them to come back when they're scheduled to.
I need the time to myself."
Knowing her friends' relationship with her parents Buffy wasn't
surprised by her comment. "If you're sure that's what you want."
"I'm sure." Her next words, however, did surprise the slayer. "Buffy,
I'm angry. I want to talk to the police in the morning and give my
statement."
Buffy's heart lightened as she leaned in to give her a hug. Willow had
remembered everything and now she felt angry. It was a step, progress.
"I'll get a hold of them tonight and set it up."
Oz had emerged from the bathroom in time to see the hug fest. "Alright,
what did I miss?"
"Willow wants to give her statement in the morning." Buffy beamed with
pride.
"That's great." Oz's grin matched Buffy's as he laid out his clothes on
the heating register before joining them at the bed.
The three of them talked for a little while longer until they noticed
Willow's eyes starting to close. "Okay, I can take a hint. I'm going to
get a little patrolling in and leave you in Oz's capable hands."
Squeezing Willow's hand she added, "I'll be back first thing tomorrow."
After Buffy left Oz turned out the bright overhead lights. "You need to
get some rest. Is there anything you need? Are you in pain?"
Willow shook her head. "I have what I need." Taking his hand she slid
over on the bed making room for him.
After making sure she was certain he laid down next to her. It took some
maneuvering, but finally they found a position where she was
comfortable. As Willow laid her head on his shoulder he laced his
fingers with hers. "Is this okay?"
"Yeah, it is." The feel of his body pressed against hers was familiar
and reassuring. They both laid still listening to the other's breathing,
lost in their own thoughts, long into the night.
* * *
The next morning Buffy, Giles and Xander arrived at the hospital to find
Willow eyeing her hospital breakfast with distrust.
"Morning sunshine." Buffy set down the packages she was carrying to give
her friend a hug. She wanted to ask how she'd slept but decided against
it. If the bags under her eyes were any indication Buffy already knew
the answer.
Giles hugged her next with genuine warmth. "I am so glad you're doing
better."
Willow returned his smile. "Thank you."
"We come bearing gifts." Xander announced as he approached the bed
holding a huge bouquet of wildflowers from Giles, a teddy bear from
Buffy, and a bunch of balloons from himself. Willow thanked all of them.
As Xander eyed the oatmeal Willow had been playing with he added, "We
also brought breakfast which I'm thinking was a really good idea. Even I
couldn't eat that."
Buffy opened the box of donuts and Giles passed out cups of hot coffee.
Willow took a cup from Giles but turned green at the sight of the
donuts. "Thanks guys, but I'm not really hungry."
"Will you should eat something. Look, we even got the jelly ones." Buffy
tried to encourage her but Will still wanted nothing to do with it.
"Maybe later."
Oz emerged from the bathroom where he had just changed back into his own
clothes after showering. The bags under his eyes matched Willow's and
there was a fresh bruise forming on his cheek. Xander opened his mouth
to ask about it but the look he received from Oz gave him reason to
immediately close it.
As the gang ate breakfast Willow turned to Buffy, not wanting to ask but
knowing she had to. "Did you set something up with the police?"
Buffy looked at her watched as she nodded. "Actually they should be here
soon. Are you having second thoughts?"
Willow shook her head. "I just want to get it over with." Moving the
blankets off of her she asked Oz to hand her the robe draped over the
chair. "I feel antsy. Giles will you go with me for a walk down the
hall?"
Giles was surprised by her request but happy to oblige. "Of course."
"Uh, Will are you sure that's a good idea?" All eyes turned to Xander.
"What? I just meant shouldn't she stay in bed and rest?"
Willow tried to assure him as Oz carefully helped her out of bed. "The
doctor said it'll do me good to be up and about. Besides I've been
sitting in that bed long enough."
Buffy waited until she heard the door shut behind them before smacking
Xander on the arm.
Xander rubbed the spot wincing. "Hey! Mind tellin' me why I get to be
this mornings fill-in for your practice dummy?"
Buffy glared. "What's with discouraging her?"
"I wasn't trying to discourage her." The looks he got from Buffy and Oz
told him they saw it differently. "Come on, we all saw what kind of
shape she was in yesterday and today she's all 'I want to talk to the
police and I want to go for a walk girl'. I just don't think she should
push herself too hard. She's fragile."
"Xander I know you're worried but it's called progress, healing. She's
trying really hard here, don't knock her backwards." Buffy explained.
"What do you expect her to do? Stay in bed for the rest of her life and
hide?"
"No. I just think maybe she should take things slower. Just to be safe."
Oz intervened. "Guys don't. Willow needs to set her own pace with this
and right now she happens to be on turbo. She'll slow down on her own,
when she needs to."
Xander decided to go the safe route and change the subject as he
selected another donut. "So what happened to your face?"
"Willow punched me." The previous night had fallen into it's own
pattern. Oz would wait to close his eyes until he was sure Willow was
asleep. Shortly after that her tossing and turning would wake him up.
When the dreams got bad she would cry out and Oz would carefully wake
her up, reassuring her until she cried herself back to sleep again. Then
the whole process would re-start. "Right before dawn she was having a
really bad one. When I tried to wake her up she fought me, thinking I
was Percy. She clocked me with the cast. After that we gave up on
sleeping."
Buffy handed him another cup of coffee which he gratefully accepted.
"Did you guys get any sleep at all?"
"Two, maybe three, hours off and on."
* * *
Giles noticed how slowly Willow was moving and couldn't shake the
fatherly concern. "Are you in pain?"
Willow blushed a little. "It's uncomfortable, sometimes, if I move a
certain way. The pain isn't awful though."
They continued to walk in comfortable silence. When they reached the end
of the hall Willow stopped before turning around to head back. "Giles I
wanted to ask you something, in private."
Though Giles tried, he was unable to read what was in her eyes.
"Anything Willow." Sensing her nervousness he added. "There isn't
anything you should be afraid to ask me.
Taking a deep breath Willow tried to gain the necessary courage to ask
the favor. "If you think it'll be awkward I'll totally understand. Just
please don't agree to do it for my sake." Willow felt the babbling
coming on despite his kind words and decided to just spit it out. "Would
you stay with me when I give my statement?"
The request left Giles both stunned and speechless. Naturally he had
assumed she would want someone with her. But he had also assumed she
would want Buffy. The fact that out of everyone close to her she wanted
him to be there to bear witness as she re-lived the most awful and
terrifying event of her life touched his heart, moving him to the brink
of tears.
Misreading his silence Willow started to walk back. "I'm sorry Giles, I
shouldn't have asked that of you. I understand."
When she felt the hand on her shoulder Willow turned around. "It's not
that at all, I was merely caught by surprise. You are a very brave young
woman to face this head on like you are and I would be proud to stand
beside you."
As relief washed over her Willow leaned in giving Giles a kiss on the
cheek. "Thank you."
* * *
Shortly after Willow and Giles had returned from their walk there was a
knock at the door before a man and woman entered. They were dressed in
regular street clothes and the gang didn't recognize them as police
officers until they introduced themselves. "Miss Rosenberg. I'm Selena
Logan and this is my partner Michael Donovan. We're the detectives who
have been assigned to your case."
Willow felt her chest tighten and found herself wondering if she had
made a mistake, maybe she wasn't as ready as she thought she saw. Her
nervousness was apparent and the detectives tried to stall for time by
making introductions with the rest of the gang, filing away the names
and faces in their memories in case they needed to call on them later.
Detective Logan walked over to Willow taking her hand in her own in a
gesture of friendship. "Let me start by explaining exactly what's going
to happen. Michael and I are here to take your statement about the
events of Friday night. Yes we are going to ask detailed questions that
will most likely be very painful or embarrassing for you to answer. It's
not because we like to, it's our jobs to be nosy. I promise you we will
do whatever we can to make this as easy on you as possible. But we have
to make sure that all the t's are crossed. We want to be able to put him
away for as long we can and in order to do that we cannot leave any room
for error."
Michael, who had been silent until now, stepped forward. "We'll start
whenever you are ready and move forward only when you feel comfortable.
You totally set the pace, we don't. We have all day so don't feel
rushed."
Looking at each of her friends in turn she gathered her courage. "Let's
start. I'm ready."
"Do you want to do this alone or do you want somebody to stay with you?"
Michael asked her as he took out a tape recorder.
Buffy stood up. "I'll stay with her."
Willow hadn't had a chance to tell her. "Actually I already asked Giles
to stay."
Trying to cover her shock, Buffy answered, "Oh, okay. Well, we'll be
right outside if you need us."
"Thank you." Willow tried to convey what she was feeling with a look,
hoping Buffy would understand.
Oz gave her a kiss on the forehead. "I love you."
Willow pulled him closer, placing a kiss on the cheek where she had hit
him by mistake earlier that morning. "I love you too."
* * *
Buffy, Oz and Xander went to the lobby prepared for a long wait. Buffy
was still reeling from Willow's request. "I can't believe she wanted
Giles in there."
"I can." Oz replied calmly while Buffy and Xander stared at him in
obvious astonishment. "Think about it. The things she has to say in
there she hasn't yet said out loud to anybody. If it were any one of us
in there we would be shocked and outraged, no matter how hard we tried
to hide it Will would sense it. She would have been worrying about our
feelings on top of what she has to do. Giles is soothing, and he won't
be shocked."
Sitting down heavily Buffy thought about it. "You're right. This isn't
about who we think can support her best. It's about what she needs and
what makes her comfortable. I guess I just assumed she'd be more
comfortable with me instead of one of you guys."
The comment surprised Oz. "Why? Buffy this isn't gossiping about me and
Willow making out or other 'girl-talk sex stuff'. It's rape, a violent
attack. It has far more to do with power and control than actual sex."
"Yeah, you're right. I guess I just can't think clearly anymore."
"I think all of us are having that problem right now."
* * *
Two hours later the detectives emerged from the hospital room and went
to meet with the teens in the lobby area. Detective Donovan wasted no
time pulling out his cell phone as he walked over to the window.
"How is she?" Oz asked while his stomach churned.
"She did really well all things considered. But I suggest you give them
a few minutes alone."
"What happens now?"
"Michael is calling the station to have one of the officers issue an APB
on Percy and obtain an arrest warrant."
"But Giles called you with the information yesterday. Why don't you
already have that?" Xander was livid.
They had wasted all day yesterday when they could have been looking for
him.
Selena easily understood the outrage, but they couldn't cross the line
without jeopardizing the case. "Yesterday we were given the name of a
suspect. We followed up on the lead, spoke to his parents and got a
statement from Devon MacLeish. It was all circumstantial at best. Until
we heard it from Willow we didn't have concrete evidence. Now we do."
"We spoke with Mr. and Mrs. West who stated they haven't seen their son
since early Friday evening. They seemed much more concerned about a
break-in that occurred early Saturday morning. A person, or persons,
broke into their home and did a little smashing up in their son's room."
Michael told them as he rejoined the group and pointedly eyed Xander and
Oz.
Interrupting her partner Selena added, "We looked around and informed
the West's that we were already assigned to a case and suggested they
call a uniformed officer to take their statement since we believe the
two cases to be completely unrelated." Xander and Oz let out a
collective sign of relief hoping it would go unnoticed, it didn't. Both
detectives knew they were the guilty parties just as they knew they
weren't going to do a thing about it.
Continues
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