The next week and a half flew by. Willow’s parents called to say their
trip was going better than expected and they were extending it another
week. Willow was relieved, deciding not to tell them what had happened.
She would deal with it later, and only when she absolutely had to.

Willow had decided to stay out of school until her face had healed some
more, hoping to prevent as much staring and whispering as possible. She
was well aware that the whole school had to know the story, but she just
wasn’t quite ready for that yet.

At the end of the day Buffy would bring her the day’s assignments and
fill her in on the gossip she was missing leaving for a couple hours in
the evening for training. Afterwards Buffy would return under some false
pretense and stay until Oz came over after practice before heading off
to patrol. Oz spent the night whenever he could and Buffy would come in
later to check on them and crash on the couch.

During the day Willow was more or less okay, but memories haunted her
dreams and sleep only came in short, non-restful spurts. Therapy and
talking to Jenna helped, but the nightmares refused to go away.

Late Wednesday afternoon Detective Logan called to give her an update.
There were still no leads on Percy, but she assured her the case was
open and they were actively pursuing it.

Thanking the detective Willow hung up the phone, feeling a rock of
frustration in the pit of her stomach. Was Percy going to get away with
what he had done to her and Jenna? How could she go on with her life and
ever feel safe outside of her own home as long as he was out there,
somewhere?

She tried to focus on the text book in front of her, her eyes skimming
the page unable to focus through the unshed tears. The phone rang again
startling her. Picking up she wiped her eyes and cleared her throat.
“Hello?”

“Hey. Giles came across some prophecy and he asked us to help him with
research. I’m headed over there now, but we shouldn’t be too late.” The
apologetic tone in Oz’s voice made her smile.

“It’s okay. I understand. And before you ask, yes I’m fine, and no I
don’t need anything.”

She could hear the grin in his voice. “I love you.”

“Me too.”

Hanging up with Oz Willow decided it was time to stop sitting around the
house. Even if Percy was never caught she couldn’t hide forever. It was
time to start getting on with her life.

* * *

The gang was in the library frantically researching when Willow walked
in. “Hi guys.”

Xander jumped up so fast he dropped the book he had been skimming and
his voice came out far harsher than he intended. “Willow, what are you
doing here?”

Willow tried to keep the hurt out of her voice. “Gee Xander it’s good to
see you too. I was sitting at home feeling antsy. I just missed you
guys, I missed being here. I want to help.”

Oz kissed her on the cheek. “Will, you should have called me. I would
have picked you up.”

“I tried your house, but you were already gone so I asked Michael to
give me a ride. He was coming over to borrow a spell book anyway.” The
silence in the room was deafening, nobody knew what to make of her
surprise appearance. “So do you guys need help?”

Stepping forward, Giles put his hand on her shoulder. “Actually we were
just finishing up, but welcome back.” He was amazed by Willow’s whole
attitude and the way she was refusing to take this lying down. Since she
had given her statement in his presence Willow and Giles had grown even
closer. They had fallen into a secret habit. When Willow was alone or
couldn’t sleep she would sneak away from Oz and call Giles. He would
talk or listen depending on her mood. There were so many things that she
needed to discuss. Things that she couldn’t share with the group for
various reasons.

Oz knew how important it was not to treat her differently and was doing
an incredible job of letting her take the steps forward, no matter how
small. Instead of trying to carry her or push her he walked with her.
Each tiny step was one they took together. But no matter how wonderful
he had been Oz was just too close. She could sense his rage, and his
desire to protect her above all else. Willow knew how difficult this was
on him no matter how hard he fought never to let on.

Buffy had been wonderful too, trying so hard to be there whenever Willow
needed her. She knew that Buffy would be there for her in a heartbeat,
but seeing the shock and pain in her eyes was difficult.

And then there was Xander. He had been so different since everything
happened. His unease around her was as painful as it was obvious.

Giles hadn’t been surprised by the first call, or any of them since. He
was just grateful that he could help. Some nights she would talk about
what happened, how she felt. Giles would listen and try to encourage her
or give advice when he felt she was asking for it in a round about way.
Other nights he would talk about various aspects of his life and she
would listen, just happy to have his company even if it was over the
phone lines.

“Okay so now what are we doing?” Willow asked hopefully.

Buffy immediately perked up at Willow’s attitude. “Xander and I were
going to hit the Bronze. Want to come with?”

Oz turned to his girlfriend. “I was going to come and visit you, but if
you want to go I’m up for it.”

Xander spoke up before Willow had a chance to answer. “Oz, maybe you
should just take her home. You don’t want to push it Will.” Buffy, Oz,
and Giles all wore matching expressions of shock.

“Xander I’m fine. Believe me I’ve had plenty of rest.”

“I just think it would be better if you went home.”

The anger that had been building inside Willow toward Xander exploded.
“Better for who Xander? Better for you?”

“No, better for you. Going to the Bronze is bound to be . . . hard.”
Xander didn’t understand what he had said to warrant the infamous
resolve face.

“Xander why are you trying to treat me like a victim?”

“Because you are.”

“No, Xander I was. For twenty or thirty minutes in a dark alley I was
Percy’s victim. When he was beating me and ripping my clothes off I was
his victim. When he forced me to the ground and laid down on top of me I
was his victim. And after he was . . . done, while I laid there bleeding
with his semen on my thighs, wishing I would just die while he kicked
me, I was his victim.” The group was silent and open mouthed in shock,
but no one tried to stop her, not even Xander. “But I’m not in that
alley, Xander and I’m trying so hard to leave it behind and it’s almost
like you keep pushing me back towards it. What happened is not my fault.
I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Her words had struck Xander like a blow, the color had drained from his
face and he felt like he was going to be sick. “I know you didn’t.”

“Then why are you trying to treat me like I did? Why is it such an awful
thing that I’m trying to get my life back. You act like I should hide
away for the rest of my life, never go out, never see Oz. Just lock
myself up and feel sorry for myself. I’m sorry Xander, but I can’t and I
won’t.”

“I guess it’s just hard for me to believe that you’re doing so well. To
believe that it’s just that easy for you to bounce back and put it all
behind you.”

The look Willow gave him was one of hurt and shock. “Do you think this
has been easy? That just because I can walk out my front door I’m not
hurting? Or because I can kiss Oz I’m not terrified? That might be how
it seems, but that’s because that’s how I want it. You want to know what
my world is really like Xander? You’re so anxious to know my pain? Every
time there is a sudden noise or I hear footsteps behind me I want to
scream. Every time Oz touches me a part of me cringes. I have to keep
telling myself it’s Oz. And sometimes, when he’s just holding me, I have
to open my eyes every few seconds just to be sure that it’s him. When I
feel good I feel guilty. When I feel bad I feel pathetic. No matter what
emotion I’m feeling, it feels wrong, like I’m not entitled to them
anymore. All I want is my life, but it’s like because of what somebody
did to me I don’t have a right to it. But you know what’s worse than all
of that?” Willow’s voice began to break. “That you, my oldest and
dearest friend, can’t even look me in the eyes. That one thing makes me
feel more dirty and ashamed than anything that happened in that alley.”
With that Willow ran out of the library.

Xander waited for Oz’s footsteps following her. When he didn’t hear any
he opened his eyes. “Aren’t you going to go after her?”

Even though everything in Oz screamed out against it he stayed where he
was and put his hand on Xander’s shoulder. “No, I’m not. I think you
should.”

* * *

Xander found her in Jenny Calendar’s old classroom, sitting on the
heating register gazing out into the night. Hearing his footsteps she
turned to face him, the tears on her cheeks were fresh. Crossing the
room in a couple of steps Xander reached out and wiped away the tears.
“I hate that I’m the cause of those.”

Sitting down next to Willow he took one of her hands in his, afraid that
she would pull away. Much to his relief she didn’t. “Will, remember when
we were five and met on the playground? Cordelia and her friends were
picking on you and they took your doll.”

“Yeah, I was crying in the big tire and you got it back for me. You were
my hero that day.”

Xander smiled for a second at the memory. Who would have imagined how
far they would all come. “That day you and I became best friends. And I
made a promise to you. I promised that I would always protect you and
never let anybody hurt you. Ever. I wanted to always be your hero.”
Tears filled his eyes and rather than hide them he let them fall freely.
“But I failed. When it really counted I wasn’t there. I didn’t save you.
I let you down. The reason I can’t look at you is because I failed you.
I’m the one who’s ashamed.”

“Oh Xander.” Willow put her arms around him and pulled him close.

* * *

Hand in hand Xander and Willow walked back into the library. Oz met them
at the door not sure if he should hug Willow or punch Xander.
“Everything okay?”

Looking from her boyfriend to her best friend and back again, Willow
smiled. “It is now.”

“Thank God.” Buffy exclaimed. “Well, now that you two have worked
through the weirdness what does everybody feel up for?”

Oz placed a protective arm around his girlfriend, “Maybe I should just
take Willow home and we’ll call it a night.”

“It’s still kind of early. How about a movie fest at Willow’s?” Xander
suggested. Now that things were straight with him and Willow he was
reluctant to be away from her so soon. “I’ll pick up the movies and
pizza.”

Buffy brightened at the idea. “I’ve got brownies at my house. I’ll just
swing by and pick them up.”

“Let’s do an all nighter. We can make a pajama party out of it.” Willow
turned to Oz, her eyes begging for his okay, much like a child to a
parent.

“Yeah, right. Like I’m going to be the bad guy and say no.” He kissed
her forehead. “I’m in.”

“I’ll be the bad guy. You all have school tomorrow.” Giles told them
sternly.

“Like we have problems staying up all night and then sitting through
class all day.” Buffy reminded him.

“Yes, well, quite right.” Giles smiled relieved to see them all acting
normal. “Have at it. I’ll see you all tomorrow.”

* * *

Willow put her keys on the table and kicked her shoes off before
shutting the door behind Oz. “I know I’m going to get the look for even
asking, but are you sure your okay?”

Not wanting to disappoint him Willow gave him the look. But neither one
of them could stay serious for long before they both lost it. “I’m fine.
I know I really lost it back there, and I’m sorry. I said things that
you shouldn’t have had to hear that way. And for that I’m sorry.”

Putting her arms around him Willow pulled Oz close against her. “I think
that tomorrow, if you’re okay with it, it’s time we have a long talk.
I’ll tell you everything you want to know. You have a right to it.” She
thought for a moment before adding. “Unless you don’t want to know.”

“Baby, I want to know everything but only if it’s because you want to
tell me. Not because you feel I have a right to it.”

“I love you. And I want to share everything with you. Even the yucky
stuff. Especially the yucky stuff. I know we both have to get past it.”
Willow hesitated only a second before leaning in to kiss him lightly on
the lips. It was the first kiss that she had initiated and it took Oz by
surprise. Feeling him stiffen Willow pulled back. “Sorry.”

“No, just surprised that’s all. That felt nice.”

“Yeah, it did.” Willow leaned in again and this time Oz met her halfway.
Sliding one hand into her hair his mouth guided hers open. Terrified
that he was moving too fast, that she would feel rushed, he
unconsciously held his breath. But as Willow’s tongue sought out his his
brain shut down and for the first time in what seemed like forever and
he lost himself in her completely. Willow pressed her body more firmly
against Oz’s and he heard her sigh contentedly as the kiss intensified.

After a few minutes of blissful making out Oz pulled back. The glazed
look in her eyes answered the unspoken question. It had been fine. “As
much as I hate to stop this they’re going to be here soon.”

Willow had almost forgotten how good he tasted. “Huh? Oh. Yeah. I know.
Who’s idea was this again?”

“Your best friend’s.”

“Good old Xander.” Willow joked, pulling out of Oz’s arms. “I think I’m
going to run upstairs and take a quick shower before I put on my
pajamas. I’ll be back in a minute.”

“Do you need any help?” Raising her eyebrows Willow turned back to look
at him. “I meant putting medicine on. Give me some credit, I’m trying to
keep my mind out of the gutter here.”

Willow laughed as she headed up the stairs. “I’ll bring it down with
me.”

* * *

Walking into her room Willow flipped on the stereo, Dingoes music filled
the room. Smiling as she walked into the bathroom to turn on the shower
Willow felt several of her worries melt away as she remembered the kiss.
Her and Oz were going to be fine. It had felt good in his arms, right.
She had felt the desire building in herself for him and she had allowed
it, enjoyed it. And she had felt it in him too, for her. She knew they
still had a long way to go, but she was confident they would get there.

Walking back into her room she stripped off her jeans and went to the
dresser to get her pajamas. Then Willow noticed the balcony door was
slightly ajar. *I can’t believe I left that unlocked.* Shutting the door
she reached for the lock, never noticing it was broken until she felt
the hand closing over her mouth.

“There’s a misunderstanding that we need to work out.” The familiar
voice froze Willow’s blood in her veins. “Now I’m going to let go of you
so we can talk. But first let’s come to an agreement.” Percy held the
knife out for her to see. “I’m only here to talk. You promise not to
scream for your boyfriend downstairs and I promise not to kill him.” The
thought of Percy going after Oz gave her the courage to nod.

---

Continues
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