The wound was still fresh, even though it had been days since the horrid moment. Willow could still see the whole event perfectly in her mind. In fact, she’d used this ability to torture herself endlessly in the past days. Willow felt a warm tear follow the already well-trod path down her cheek as another showing of her own personal torment began:

* * *

The day was bright and sunny and the students at SHS seemed to have an extra bounce in their step that only the nearing of summer vacation could bring. Willow was seated in with Buffy and Xander, discussing the usual business of the Hellmouth. It was then that Willow noticed Oz standing a bit away, leaning against a tree, watching her, almost sadly. Willow smiled and waved him over, and then frowned in worry as he failed to return her smile. Instead, he took a deep breath then slowly walked over.

Seeing the serious gaze in his eye, Willow’s stomach dropped. His next words did little to comfort her. In a low, serious voice, he asked, “Willow, can I - um - talk to you . . . ?”

She stood slowly, casting a worried glance at Buffy who could do nothing but shrug and smile sympathetically.

Oz walked over to Willow and took her hand gently, leading her to a more deserted spot on campus. He sat, then patted the ground next to him. Willow joined him on the grass. She was slightly surprised when he made no move to put his arm around her, or at least take her hand, to do anything to ease her worry. Instead he just stared off into space, almost as if stalling for time. Willow became more nervous as the awkward silence continued and was about to break the silence when Oz suddenly turned to face her.

“Will, you know I’d never want to hurt you, right? I mean, you’re the world to me.”

Normally, Willow would have interjected with her own sentiments, but there was something in Oz’s eyes that warned her a “but” was forthcoming, and so she held her tongue.

Oz took a deep breath before continuing. “But I couldn’t keep this a secret any longer. It kills me to keep things from you, my only motivation in doing so was to keep you from getting hurt. But - when you and Xander . . . my main problem is that you didn’t tell me. Cause that would have hurt a little less.”

Willow spoke, “Is it me and Xander? Because, I wanted to tell you - I did. It’s just . . . “

Oz shook his head. “That’s not what I’m trying to do - dig up more guilt for you. You made your amends Willow. Now I have to make mine.”

Willow looked into his eyes and saw so much pain there. “Oz, I don’t understand. You didn’t do anything . . . “

Oz looked down at an ant slowly crawling through the grass. “Ever wish you were an ant? I mean, life’s so simple. You go out, grab some boulder-sized crumbs, bring em back home, and life is good.”

Willow didn’t smile at his analogy; she was too worried. “Oz?” ,p> Oz took a deep breath, then looked over at Willow. His Willow. His beautiful, smart Willow. “I have this thing - and, and I need to tell you. You won’t want to hear it, and I sure don’t want to say it - and yet . . . “

He took another breath, gathering strength, and perhaps stalling for time. “You know when we - the band, I mean - went to LA? To play at that club? You know, when you and I were - well, before we were back together?”

Willow nodded, her mind reeling, trying to hypothesize what he was going to say. Nothing could prepare her for what he was about to.

“Well, I was mad - and hurt. And there was this girl there. She’s from Sunnydale, actually, but she followed us down. One of Devon’s girls, I think. Well, after we played - we went out for a drink, her and I. And we had a few - you know drowning your sorrows and all that. Then, after, we - we came back to the dressing room. It was empty. And I guess it was the feeling of betrayal - and the drinks. But, God, I never meant for it to get so out of hand. But - but it did. And we did. And, I’m sorry . . .”

The news stung Willow. It felt like someone had removed her skin and then plunked her in salt water. Oz had been hurt, she knew that. But to have been so hurt - for him to have slept with someone else. While they were - well, not going out, but not broken up. The thought of it overwhelmed her.

Oz watched her face closely, while she took in the news. The troubled, pensive expression. The furrowed brow. The all got to him. But the worst was that look in her eyes. Anger, fear, betrayal - they were there - but mostly it was hurt. A hurt that he had caused. He knew how it felt, and he never would have wished it upon his worst enemy. Yet, here he was giving it to the one he cared about the most. He longed to take her into his arms. To wash away all the pain with kisses and sweet nothings. But those couldn’t help now.

Willow continued staring off into space. She made no move to talk to him. Or even to look at him. Oz gently touched her shoulder and yet she didn’t respond in the least. Even if she’d pulled away - he would have preferred it to this.

Slowly, he withdrew his hand then stood. “I - I’ll go now.”

Willow simply nodded.

Oz turned, then added in a whisper, “I’m sorry.”

* * *

Willow broke down into sobs as the scenario finished. She heard the phone ring, and knew it would be him. He’d been calling regularly. Not enough to push - but she could hear it in his voice in every carefully worded message he left - it was killing him not to talk to her.

She felt bad that she was hurting him. After all, she reasoned, they had been separated because she had cheated on him. She was the adulteress. But she’d never dreamed of going that far. She’d assumed Oz had some experience. He never talked about his past girlfriends, but it was there in unspoken words. She’d been able to accept that, no problem. But the fact that he had - while she was at home, begging for his forgiveness over illicit smoochies - and he was with someone he barely knew - she knew it was petty, but she couldn’t get past it and bring herself to talk to him.

Her moping was interrupted by a knock at her bedroom door. She quickly wiped away some of the fresher tears, the old ones, still leaving little trails of dried salt running down her face.

“C- come in.” she said in a tired voice.

The door slowly opened, and Buffy’s blond head peeked in. “Hey Will,” she said softly. “Mind some company? Your mom let me in on her way out. I could go though, if you’d rather be alone.”

Willow shook her head. “No, alone just means me torturing myself. You can come in. I won’t be much company though.”

“That’s okay, it’s my turn to be the company.”

Willow shuffled over on her bed a little, and Buffy sat down beside her in the space she had vacated.

“So, feeling any better at all?” Buffy inquired, wrapping a supportive arm around her friend.

Willow shrugged. “I don’t really know. I guess I don’t feel quite as dead inside, so that’s a plus. But I keep feeling so - betrayed, I guess. Which isn’t really right, cause I betrayed him first. But still . . .”

“You’re allowed to feel betrayed Will. I know he didn’t mean to hurt you, that much is clear. But if he did, then yeah, feel betrayed. Feel what you’re going to, and don’t feel guilty about it.”

“I just . . . I don’t know . . . I can’t logically explain why it hurt so much. Cause he had - you know, before. And we weren’t really together. And he never did again after we got back together. But I just didn’t expect it from him. To find someone else . . .”

“I guess he just needed someone to show him he was still worth something.” Buffy realized making Willow feel guilty over her and Xander again was not going to help anything. She hated to see her friend so down. Maybe if she got her out of the house - maybe if she talked to Oz - maybe then things would start to get better.

“Why don’t we hit the Bronze? Just for a bit. Get you out of this room before you become a permanent fixture.” Buffy suggested.

“I - I don’t think I feel quite up to going out . . . I’d rather just . . .”

“C’mon. It’ll be good for you. And if we get there, and you want to leave, we’ll go. No questions asked.”

Willow nodded, giving in.

They arrived at the Bronze just as the evening was reaching its high point. The Dingoes were playing, Buffy had forgotten that. But Willow seemed okay with it. As long as Oz stayed at a distance, as long as there wasn’t that need to talk to him - she’d be okay.

They took a table nestled away in a back corner, and simply sat, watching the happy couples out on the dance floor - watched the band play. It all seemed too surreal to Willow. Almost as if it were a dream.

Then the night became even dreamlier. Oz stepped up to the mike. Willow shot a confused look at Buffy, who shrugged back. This wasn’t right, Oz didn’t sing. Willow noticed the rest of the band laying down their instruments. And he certainly didn’t perform solo.

Then Oz’s voice filled the Bronze. “There’s someone here whom I hurt very deeply. And I just wanted to tell her I’m sorry. And I’ll wait for her. However long it takes her to forgive me.”

Then he began to sing. His voice trembling slightly at first with emotion, but soon growing more confident as he became more in tune with the music.

Who knows how long I’ve loved you,
You know I love you still.
Will I wait a lonely lifetime?
If you want me to - I will.

His gaze met hers, and then his eyes never left her. Her beautiful face as she blushed in embarrassment over the attention. But he sensed some happiness in her eyes as well.

For if I ever saw you,
I didn’t catch your name.
But it never really mattered,
I will always feel the same.

He glanced down to get the right chord, then looked back up into her face, his eyes begging her to forgive him as he began into the chorus.

Love you forever and forever.
Love you with all my heart.
Love you whenever we’re together,
Love you when we’re apart.

Willow looked over at Buffy and smiled, and Buffy could see it in her eyes - she was no longer mad. There was still some hurt there, but Buffy was certain it would heal with time.

And when at last I find you,
Your song will fill the air.
Sing it loud so I can hear you.
Make it easy to be near you.
For things you do endear you to me.
You know I will.
I will.

As he finished the song, Oz slipped the guitar over his head and took the mike in his free hand. “I hope I didn’t embarrass you too bad, Baby, I just wanted to let you know how I feel.”

With that, he hopped off the stage and walked over to Willow, whose face was flushed with emotion. She was crying, and for a moment Oz thought he’d failed. Then she smiled, and her eyes sparkled and he realized they were happy tears.

Without a word he went to her and kissed her full on the lips.

---

The End
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