Oz cradled Willow in his arms as she wept, silently stroking her hair. God how he loved the feel of it under his fingers. Suddenly he realized that in a short while he would be gone, never again to feel it’s silky texture. Never again would he be able to hold her or comfort her. When she smiled or did that babbling thing that he found so endearing he wouldn’t be there.

Memories flashed through his mind, the first time he saw her in the Eskimo costume, the night she had captured his heart. Their first meeting, their first kiss. In fact, the image of every first everything they had shared flashed behind his closed eyelids like a silent home movie on fast forward. He remembered the first time they made love and the look on her face as she gave in to the passion. The way it felt to fall asleep in her arms, surrounded by her warmth. To wake up to her, sunlight shining on her face. The way she made him feel. The way she loved him.

Since he had been turned everything had happened so quickly. He had known instantly what he had to do. it hadn’t even been so much a decision as facing the future. He knew that to save her he had to relinquish his own life, or more accurately his un-life. It was a sacrifice he would make for her a million times. But now as their final moments were ticking away he realized all that he had truly come to the library to say goodbye to. Not just Willow and the others, but his future.

For Oz there would be no fruition of his dream. He would never get to propose to Willow, to see her light up as he slipped an engagement ring on her finger. There would never be the kiss at the altar that he longed for. She would never be pregnant with his child. The little girl who would have been the perfect combination of them both. The daughter that they would never be able to read bedtime stories to. He would never be able to grow old with Willow or have a chance to spend his life making her happy, the only real ambition he had now that he had conquered the e-flat diminished nine chord.

He felt the icy fingers of panic grip his unbeating heart and he wondered how he would have the strength to leave her arms and go into the sunlight.

* * *

Angel motioned Xander and Giles closer to the counter as he kept one eye on the couple at all times. “You guys are going to have to keep a close eye on them. Both of them. Oz is fighting a demon, but Willow is fighting grief and trying to come to terms with this. Grief is a powerful thing and she might try to do something rash without thinking.”

Xander didn’t like the sounds of this. “Uh, Angel it sounds like you’re planning on going somewhere?”

“There are just under two hours until the sun comes up and there is something I have to take care of.” Xander opened his mouth to ask what the hell was more important than this, but Angel stopped him. “It’s something I promised Oz and I can’t go back on it, I won’t. I have to know that you will not only have a stake, but that you won’t hesitate to use it. It’s one thing to say you can, but you have to look deep inside yourself. Oz hasn’t killed yet, can you kill him before he does?”

Xander opened his mouth, but decided to think first before he answered. he glanced over at the couple and searched his heart as Angel had asked. They were perfect for each other, because of each other. Oz was good and decent, he didn’t deserve to lose his life and Willow didn’t deserve to lose him. It was one thing to see Oz go out into the sunlight and another to drive a stake into his friend, his best friends lover, and turn him to dust.

Angel could see the internal struggle on Xander’s face. “Remember you wouldn’t be killing Oz, a demon has already done that. You would be setting him free and saving his soul. Don’t kid yourself for one second. He’s not me, he doesn’t have a soul.”

Angel’s words had effectively settled any question in the boy’s mind. “I know you’re right. I can do it.”

“As can I.” Giles assured him. Angel handed both men a stake before motioning to Oz.

As Oz loosened his grip on Willow he felt her tighten her arms around him. “Baby I just need to talk to Angel for a second, I’ll be right back.”

Willow looked up searching his face for any hint of a lie, terrified that he would sneak out, but she saw none and reluctantly forced herself to let him go. As she watched Oz and Angel talk in hushed words her mind raced. There were so many thoughts flying through that it was impossible to concentrate on anything. All the things they would never have a chance to do, all the things they would never do again. No more picnics in the park or dancing at the Bronze. No more kissing in his van or making love in her bed. All their plans for the future smashed. And the Scooby Gang who had defeated the Master, closed a Hellmouth, gave Angel his soul, and stopped an ascension were incapable of picking up the pieces. They had saved numerous faceless innocents, but they were unable to save this one boy, one of their own. Their lives, hope and love all stolen in a moment of random violence at the whim of a demon.

* * *

Oz reached into his pockets for his wallet and then his keys placing them on the counter. Then he took off his bowling shirt and handed everything to Angel. “Thank you.” Angel was at a loss for words and merely met his eyes before nodding his head and then left the library knowing what he must do.

Oz felt Xander and Giles come up behind him and choose to speak without facing them. “I only have a little over an hour left. I just want to spend it quietly with her. Please let me have that. I’m in control, but don’t let us out of your sight. Don’t let me hurt her.” His voice broke and it took him a second to find it again. “And promise me that after . . . afterwards you will protect her, and help her. Don’t let her wallow in grief over me. I want her to be happy and live her life the way she deserves. It’s all I want for her.”

Giles and Xander spoke in unison. “I promise.”

He turned and took his place with Willow.

* * *

Giles and Xander sat at the table while Willow and Oz sat on the steps leading to the stacks holding each other, neither one saying a word. It seemed like only moments had passed before dawn was fast approaching. Together they went to the couple to let them know that it was time. Oz glanced up at them and nodded, he knew. Standing he held out his hand to Willow. Her body was trembling and she was terrified that her knees wouldn’t support her, surprised when they did.

“Willow, I love you with all of my heart and soul. Tell me you know that.” Oz had given up fighting the tears and they were flowing freely.

She pulled back just enough to look at him. “I do know. And I love you too.” Their lips met in a final kiss and for Willow her fate was decided. She didn’t care about anything except holding on to him. Her soul was a small price to pay to keep him.

When their lips met Oz felt the demon rise from that place deep inside where he had been fighting to keep it locked up. As Willow opened her mouth to grant his tongue entrance he felt his face morph. The demon was not going to go out peacefully. Willow was unaware of the change until one of his fangs pierced her lip. As a single drop of blood found it’s way into this mouth the demon won. Oz’s back was to Xander and Giles and as the kiss ended they couldn’t see that he had changed. Willow looked into his cold yellow eyes trying to convey to him what she wanted without speaking the words. He knew. Willow turned her head to the side slightly and Oz grabbed her by the back of the neck drawing her closer.

Xander caught the subtle movements and rushed to close the short distance between them, stake in hand. Oz had sensed the motion and turned to face his attacker growling in fury. In one fluid gesture he yanked the stake out of Xander’s hand and safely stuck it in the waistband of his pants. Giles tried to sneak up behind Oz while he was occupied, but he too failed miserably. Oz turned and threw the librarian against the wall leaving him unconscious from the impact. With Giles out of the way Oz returned his full attention to Xander. Forcing him back against the wall until there was nowhere left to go. Xander looked into the eyes of the vampire and knew that he had failed. The demon was in complete control and no trace of Oz could be found. And now it was going to kill Xander before turning Willow.

Willow placed her hand on his shoulder drawing his attention away from her best friend. “Oz no, drink from me first.” she pleaded. He turned to face her and she placed one hand on his waist drawing his body against hers and the other on the back of his head drawing him to her neck. Oz’s fangs slid into her flesh easily and he began to drink her rich blood. Suddenly Oz felt the pain in his chest. He had just enough time to pull back and look at her puzzled, unsure of what had happened. “I love you.” she whispered as he turned to dust, the stake she had shoved into his back falling to the floor along with his ashes. Then she sank to the floor with an anguished cry.

* * *

It had been simple for the police to figure out what had happened. Oz had been driving and lost control, the van careened off a small cliff bursting into flames on impact. It was a horrible tragedy, but not all that uncommon. The body was burned beyond recognition, but his wallet had flown out of the window and was only tinged by the flames. A picture of him and Willow had fallen out and lay next to the wreck. The corners curled and blackened from the heat.

His parents mourned his loss, but they were able to mourn. And for that Willow was grateful to Angel. She didn’t know where he got the body and she didn’t want to know. After the corpse arrived at the funeral home Angel snuck in and removed it from the coffin, returning it to it’s final resting place and replacing it with Oz’s ashes so that he would be in his.

The day of the funeral was so surreal to Willow. It was a beautiful day and the birds were singing joyously in the trees, completely oblivious to the pain and all that was lost. Had it really only been three days since it happened? It seemed like a lifetime had passed since she had seen his smile, heard his voice.

Buffy and Xander had tried so hard to be there for her, to get her to talk about what had happened. They seemed to think that getting it out in the open would make it better. They didn’t understand that right now she just needed quiet. And much to their dismay she had avoided them with any feeble excuse she could think of knowing that eventually she would talk about it. But right now she just needed to be able to mourn in peace.

* * *

That evening when Xander couldn’t find Willow he called Buffy and Giles and together they searched for her. It wasn’t difficult, they found her sitting beside Oz’s grave. Buffy and Xander began walking toward her when Giles put out a hand to stop them. “Stay here, let me try.”

Giles sat down on the ground next to Willow and gingerly took her hand in his. He waited for her to speak. When she finally did her voice was hoarse and barely above a whisper. “You must be disappointed in me. I’m sorry.”

Her words took him by surprise. “Oh Willow, I could never be disappointed in you.”

“But I was going to let him turn me. I wanted him to.”

“Willow, you loved him and your mind and heart couldn’t bear to lose that. You made a human mistake. One that many people would have made. I can’t say that I wouldn’t have made the same one.”

“I didn’t want to let go. Oz died in the middle of our kiss, I just didn’t realize it until I saw him attack you guys. What was left wasn’t him.” She wiped at her eyes with her sleeve. “I hate that I’m the one who had to stake him, but I’d do it again. I know it’s what he would have wanted.”

There were so many things Giles wanted to say, but he had been in her shoes not so long ago and he knew that there were no words that would comfort her.

“Do you believe in heaven?”

“Yes Willow I do. Everything in this world has a counter balance, something to keep it in check. We know that there are demons and hell so it only stands to reason that angels and heaven are just as real.”

His answer gave her the first bit of comfort she had felt in days. For the first time since he had sat down next to her she looked at him. The pain that he saw in the depths of her eyes made his heart twinge. He knew the pain only too well himself.

“Giles it feels like there is this huge hole inside of me and it hurts so much. Does it ever go away?”

He was reminded of a conversation that he had had with Buffy over a different grave. “Do you want the truth?”

“Not really, but it’s what I need.”

He understood. “No, it doesn’t. But slowly over time the ache will lessen. And each day it will get slightly easier to get out of bed. And life will begin again. Eventually your memories will give you solace rather than torment. I know it sounds like an old cliché, but he will always be alive in your heart.”

Willow turned and embraced her mentor and he held onto her for a long moment. Then together they stood and after a long look at Oz’s grave Willow turned and walked back to her friends.

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The End
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