"How I’ll often treasure
Moments that I knew
The precious, the few." -Natalie Merchant

The van drove smoothly down the gravel road, it’s occupants laughing at some random comment. The deserted lanes loomed ahead of the duo, and stars filled the velvet sky. The girl’s voice dropped to a whisper, and the driver grinned over at her. Impulsively, she leaned over and planted a kiss on his lips. Out of habit more than thought he closed his eyes briefly, the was brought back to reality only by the steering wheel beneath his hands. Tossing a smile to the passenger’s seat as they broke apart, the two turned back to the windshield and to the pair of bright lights that seemed to be coming closer, and fast. Too fast. He tried to swerve back into their lane, but both knew it was too late. The boy looked at his counterpart, an unreadable expression written over his usually neutral face.

"Baby……"

* * *

Willow lived in remembrance of what had once been. It didn’t matter how it had happened, only that it had, and nothing could change that. Ever. It was that simple. He was dead – she had killed him. And now she would pay. And keep on paying, for that matter. Even eternity couldn’t house the guilt that she now did. Time doesn’t always heal the wounds that it can’t see.

* * *

She sat staring into her soup. The usual cafeteria scene was playing around her like a movie, but she was oblivious to the continuous chatter. It was almost as though she was an invisible road block, blending in as part of the scenery, not unlike a wallflower.

*Yeah, that’s it.* The girl smiled grimly to herself, then abruptly stood up. Xander Harris shot her a puzzled look, which was promptly ignored. Or maybe the Wicca just didn’t notice in the depth of her thoughts. Xander would never know the answer as he turned back to his ham and cheese on rye.

She stopped at the end of the lunch table, red hair tucked behind her ears. Her once snapping green eyes were dulled by the cafeteria lights and something that would never be there again. Willow surveyed her small cluster of friends, then turned and walked briskly out the door and into the hallway. A teacher made the beginning of a protesting noise, but was soon distracted by a broccoli war that had just broken out.

Stealing quickly to the bathroom, Willow leaned against the many sinks and studied herself in the mirror. An angular face stared back at her, it’s very presence mocking Willow. Suddenly, the noise of a lock turning caused the red head to whirl around to face the intruder. A tall brunette stepped carefully out with her hands partially up.

"Don’t shoot….God Wil, it’s just me." Cordelia Chase rolled her eyes as she made her way over to the sink. Willow remained rooted in place as the other girl turned back to study her, a serious expression on her face.

"Are you sure you’re ok? I mean, after the….accident and all. You’d, like, tell us if anything was wrong….or whatever, right?" Willow couldn’t help but smile at her sometimes-friend’s words. If only she knew – but Willow quickly pushed away the thought from her mind.

"Yeah, I mean if I wasn’t….I’m fine, really," she replied a little too cheerfully. Cordelia looked doubtful, but didn’t push the matter further. Both girls knew that the other was keeping something back, but with one backward glance, Cordelia strode out without pursuing the matter further.

Willow once again faced herself in the mirror. * She’ll be sorry she didn’t ask, * she thought grimly. * They’ll all be sorry. *

Later that day, Willow stood in the warmth of the sun, twirling a daisy in her fingers. She stared down at the ground, again remembering the sound of metal crunching and glass shattering. Blackness swirled all around, and through it all was that scream slicing through the crisp spring air.

No. The witch in training shook her head clear and placed the daisy onto the grave that sat at her feet.

"Oh…I’m so sorry," she whispered into the wind as a single tear dropped onto the cool marble. And for the first time in weeks, Willow sat down on the grass and cried. Through her silent tears she traced the two letters engraved on the stone. His smile flashed into her mind as she mapped out the short name with her finger.

"If only we’d paid more attention to the road, if only we’d seen the truck, if only I hadn’t….." But they hadn’t, and Willow knew that no amount of ‘ifs’ would bring Oz back, ever. She quickly stood, swiping her hand across her eyes in an attempt to pull herself together. Taking a shuddering breath, Willow turned her back on the speckled stone and left the cemetery.

As she made her way slowly back home to what she knew was an empty house, Willow almost missed the cross that stood by the side of the road. Flowers were scattered in bunches around it, along with notes and other memorabilia. And it was all because of her. Willow looked at the picture of the young man that stood next to the large cross. She still remembered the last thing that Oz had said, his blue eyes locked with hers.

"I wish…." And before he’d been able to finish, the werewolf's gaze had broken away from hers, and his hand had gone limp in Willow’s. And he was gone, never to come back. Just like that Never again would she hold his hand, play with his fingers or just sit in silence along side of him. Every day those last few moments replayed themselves through her mind like a broken record, never stopping, always there. She clearly remembered sitting there, a blanket brought by an attendant wrapped around her hunched shoulders, and knowing that he was truly gone, and the feeling of helplessness that accompanied her thoughts. Because there was nothing that she – or anyone – could do. It was the hardest part for Willow, knowing that this accident had nothing to do with the Hellmouth itself. It wasn’t something that a stake or even the sunlight could have prevented. The demons and monsters – those she could accept – but this - - -this was beyond her control.

Willow didn’t know how she had made it this far, but one thing was for sure – she wasn’t going to advance any further in this fight. The part of her that she had waited so long for, the part that had made her a whole now lived only in the picture at her feet. Willow looked up at the now setting sun as a car pulled by. The colors produced never ceased to amaze her, and for a moment she allowed herself to gaze at the bright hues. Then she brought herself back to reality and began the trek home, her hands deep in the pockets of her overalls.

Willow unlocked the door to her house and stepped inside. Empty silence greeted her, and she walked into the kitchen for something to drink. A note fluttered to the floor as she opened the refrigerator door. She bent down and picked up the piece of loose-leaf paper. It was from her mother, apologizing for her absence and explaining that a meeting had come up at the law firm, and….

She crumpled up the note and threw it in the trash. Willow grabbed the carton of orange juice and took a swig of the refreshing liquid as she glanced around the room. Seeing what she was looking for, Willow took the slender object into her hands and carefully put away the juice.

Taking the stairs two at a time, Willow stopped at the second door on the right and entered her room. Dropping her book bag on the floor, she looked out the window at the now darkened sky. The letter opener shone in the pale light that flooded the room as she moved it from hand to hand.

~*I will remember you*~

Placing her elbows on her dresser, Willow glanced at the variety of pictures that framed the mirror in front of her. Many of them were of her and Oz. Xander and Buffy grinned down at her, and towards the bottom there was even one of Cordelia.

~*Will you remember me……*~

She looked down at her left wrist and switched the glittering opener to her right hand. Bending her wrist, Willow poised it over the blue map that ran up her arm.

~*Don’t let your life pass you by…..*~

For the second time that night, Willow focused on Oz’s smiling face and the knife began to descend.

~*Weep not for the memories.*~

Glancing at herself quickly at the mirror, Willow stifled a scream and dropped the knife. Oz’s reflection looked up from its position on the bed, hand poised over the E-minor chord. Willow whirled around, her heart racing. But of course, no one was there. Snapping her attention back to the mirror in front of her, all she saw was her own reflection staring back at her.

"You’re totally whacked," Willow said aloud to the room. She got down on her hands and knees, looking for the letter opener that she’d just dropped.

Half an hour later, Willow still hadn’t had any luck. Sighing with exasperation, she got up from under the table that she’d been looking beneath and promptly smacked her head. She really couldn’t keep going on like this. The hacker took a deep breath and straightened up. She reflected briefly on the letter opener and it’s mysterious disappearance. It was obvious that this plan wasn’t going to work. Not tonight, anyway. Glancing over to the corner of the room, her eyes fell on Oz’s guitar. He’d left it there, that night. She remembered seeing it the day after the accident, wanting to smash it, break it. Make it experience what she was feeling, what Oz must have felt. But she hadn’t. And now the instrument looked so lost without its place in Oz’s arms that Willow couldn’t help but feel sorry for it.

"We can relate more than we think," she said aloud to the guitar as she walked over and picked it up. Settling down on the futon, Willow plucked a few stray notes before she felt herself begin to nod off. And then, she was asleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Willow looked around at her surroundings. Trees loomed above her, casting their shadows down upon her. A full moon shone through a break in the trees, yet the night was starless. The blackness that surrounded her seemed almost to be moving, flowing around her figure as though she was nothing.

"It’s true," she said aloud. "I am noth-" but her words were cut short when she saw the figure seated on a stump not ten feet from where she stood. The shape was masked by the darkness, yet there was no way that it had been there before, when Willow had arrived here. Wherever ‘here’ was.

Although her mind told her not to, she felt her feet begin to take her towards the stump and its unworldly occupant. As if drawn by an invisible force, she stopped just short of being on top of the figure that lay before her. The creature looked up at Willow, in the process the moon’s light catching bright auburn hair and green eyes in a flash of light. Willow cursed under her breath, then felt her feet give way. Falling to the mossy ground, she felt the impact of metal on metal once again; heard the glass break through her thoughts.

"No. You’re not real!" A faint smile played on the corners of Oz’s lips as he regarded his former girlfriend with a drawn interest.

"Are you sure?" The man replied as he bent over to help Willow up. She shied away as ice cold hands drew her in an upright position again, and took a step back as the young man rose to his feet in one fluid movement. No expression showed in his lifeless eyes as he once again held her gaze, but the words that left his mouth were sincere.

"I wish……you’d remember me."

Only five words. Willow felt her breath catch in her throat as she instinctively reached a hand towards her lost friend. But the wind had begun to whip around her, and the darkness enveloped Willow, tearing her away from Oz. She glimpsed him one last time before she herself was flung through Time, and back into her world.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Willow blinked twice. From far off she could her clock radio click on, the music drifting through her mind. Words began to put themselves together, breaking into her incoherent sub conscience. Willow listened intently as the lines floated into place.

~*"So afraid to love you
But more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn’t let me choose
Once there was a darkness
A deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had
Oh, you gave me light."*~

Things clicked, and suddenly, everything came clean again.

The next morning was bright and sunny, with that hint in the air that summer was almost fully there. Willow got out of the shower feeling refreshed and more at peace with herself then she had in weeks. She stopped in front of her dresser and pulled on her favorite pair of overalls. For a moment she debated on whether or not to add one of the bowling shirts that she had frequently been wearing, then decided against it. Running a brush quickly through her hair, Willow leaned over the polished oak surface and saw the letter opener winking from beneath her watch. Puzzled, Willow picked it up and studied it, fascinated by its appealing gleam. Willow glanced up at Oz’s picture looking down at her and smiled. Opening her window, she chucked the metal as hard as she could, and wasn’t satisfied until she heard the crunch of leaves as it landed in her neighbor’s shrubs.

Later in the cafeteria, Willow found herself once again staring into he soup, but this time attempting not to start cracking up at Xander's pitiful attempt to explain to Cordelia the importance of his daily peanut butter and banana sandwich. Cordelia was listening in disgust.

"As much as I appreciate your concern, Cordy, I just don’t think that you understand the chocolatey goodness of my philosophy…" He looked up to see a smile slide across Willow’s face, and was so surprised that he stopped mid-argument. Willow just stared down at the bowl of soup in front of her and bit back another grin as Xander recovered himself and continued on.

~*Orange and blue, green and pink
I see you in everything
Don’t need money, don’t need wine
I’ve got better ways to spend my time*~

She looked around at the cafeteria, listening to every day life play around her.

~*I’ll see you around, every hollow has it’s favorite sound
And my heart is holding on…*~

And thought of the good times that they’d all had.

~*Purple, yellow, reddish brown
Once I felt you, I couldn’t lay you down
Don’t be shy, baby, don’t be careful with me
Let it go, let it soak me down*~

Then, for just a moment, Willow could have sworn that she saw a flash of auburn hair across the room. Then it vanished.

~*Every rock and every tree and leaf abound with your face
Your face, your face…*~

She’d remember.

---

The End.
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