Oz strummed his fingers across the guitar, try to do anything that would prevent him from thinking. Willow had cheated on him. How could she do that? He had known she used to have a thing for Xander, but the key words there were 'used to'.

He still loved her. He knew that. He would probably love her for the rest of his life, if they got back together or not. Right now, though, he had to figure out if he could trust her. Or if he could live his life without her.

Without you,
the ground thaws,
the rain falls,
the grass grows.
Without you,
the seeds root,
the flowers bloom,
the children play.
The stars gleam,
the poets dream,
the eagles fly,
without you.
The earth turns,
the sun burns,
but I die without you.

Willow was in shock. How could she have done that to Oz? She had thought about being with Xander for so long that when the opportunity came she couldn’t pass it up. She ruined the best relationship of her life (which she now knew wasn't her friendship with Xander, but her romance with Oz) to live out something that had only caused stress and sorrow.

Looking back on it now, Willow couldn't think of one good thing that had happened. She hadn't found that Xander was the true love of her life, she had lost the true love of her life. She had hurt Oz. She had told him that she was over Xander before they even were together, but then gone and done this.

She remembered a line she had heard in some movie, 'the best I am is with you.' It was just so fitting. Oz made her feel pretty, feel like she deserved to be loved. And now she had to try to live without that.

Without you,
the breeze warms,
the girl smiles,
the cloud moves.
Without you,
the tides change,
the boys run,
the oceans crash.
The crowds roar,
the days soar,
the babies cry,
without you.
The moon glows,
the river flows,
but I die without you.

The phone rang.

Oz stared at it uncomprehendingly for a few seconds before picking it up. "Hello?" he asked, knowing who it would be.

Silence for a few seconds, then, "Oz?" in that musical voice of hers. He used to love hearing her say his name, but now it just hurt. Everything hurt.

"Yeah," he answered, not coldly, just trying not to let his voice betray him.

"I-- I'm sorry," she managed to say. "Knowing that I did that to you-- I wish it had never happened."

"It did happen," Oz whispered, more to himself than to Willow.

"I know," she said, growing suddenly passionate. "It was wrong, so so wrong. Everything about it was wrong. It shouldn't have happened. It was just something that I had wished for since as long as I can remember, and when I finally got it I didn't realize I didn't want it anymore. I don’t love Xander, Oz, not in anything but a friend way. I love you. I've been sitting in my room, wondering how I could have done that, how to explain it to you, and I really don't know how to explain it. I had wanted it for as long as I could remember. After I met you, I didn't want it anymore, but some part of me still jumped up and kissed him. And all of me regrets it."

Oz couldn't do this. He loved her, she loved him, but they couldn't do anything about it. Every time he pictured her with Xander, anger, a rare emotion for him, surged through his body. He was hurting, she was hurting, this was too soon. He needed time.

"I can't do this right now Willow," he informed her, heart breaking one more time as he said it. "It's too soon. I need to be able to think clearly, and I won't be able to do that for a while. I need time."

He heard Willow choke on a sob but manage to speak with only a minimal wavering in her voice. "We need to talk. But I understand what you're saying. It's too early to know what you want to do. Just, please, tell me something, sometime, even if it's that you don't want to be with me. Don't just never talk to me again."

"I won't," he promised.

"Goodbye Oz," Willow said.

Oz hung up the phone.

The world revives,
colors renew,
but I know blue,
only blue,
lonely blue,
within me blue.
Without you.
Without you,
the hand gropes,
the ear hears,
the pulse beats.
Without you,
the eyes gaze,
the legs walk,
the lungs breathe.
The mind churns,
the heart yearns,
the tears dry,
without you.
Life goes on,
but I'm gone,
'cause I die,
without you.

---

The End

e-mail the groovy author~make your own fun