July 5, 2001... 11:00 pm Went to court for David's sentencing hearing Tuesday. When I walked in David looked surprised and his grandmother I think it scared his grandma a little, until they found out I was there for him and not against him. It was a long afternoon. His case was called last. He seems pretty resigned to do some time and seems to want to just get on with it. He is tired of going down there for it to be strung out again and again. August 4, 2001...8:00 am And this was also posted in grieving parents... P.S. Oh and the day before David was to go to his sentencing.. he brought me a CD that has nothing but Joshua on it. I haven't been able to listen to it yet.. but I will. His sentencing was postponed again. Don't know if this is good or bad but I do know he is getting tired of them making him come there just to keep him hanging and not knowing what to expect... God is in control. I won't question.
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July 2,2001 thru June 9, 2002 10 entries
My new job is keeping me VERY busy! I am working quite a lot of overtime. And then I come home and grab baby Josh as soon as I am in the door and then I carry him around and do what I have to do here. Sometimes clean (not much of that to be sure) or prepare for work the next morning. I keep my mind very busy so I don't have to think too much. It hurts to think to hard on what has happened over the past year.
I can't believe it has almost been a year! Josh's birthday is fast approaching. And then just 2 1/2 weeks later the first anniversary of his death. I feel like I am gonna throw up most of the time. I don't say much about it because I don't think anyone wants to hear it. Gloom and Doom to them and they would just as soon not hear it. They don't know what to say for one and for two.... I think.. they think, I am strong enough to handle it. Or they just don't want to face my pain with me. I don't know and frankly... I don't give a shit. Harsh I know but I hurt and it is harsh pain. I have to vent somewhere. I get tired of the same old cliches so I just keep quiet.
My mom understands because she is having an extremely hard time of it. Josh was just the final blow to put her in a deep depression. First.. Les and then Ray 5 months later... her brothers.. and then Josh... boom, boom, boom!! She is really having a hard time. I am worried about her... but she talks to me about them. That is good, for both of us.
I like my new job... it is a busy office and that is what I need right now. The hours can be tough but for now they work for me.
I had Josh and Alexis and a puppy to watch over the weekend and I don't think I can do that again. I have done it before and this time it really wore me out. Two babies in diapers, neither walking or talking yet, Josh is crawling and pulling up everywhere and into everything. And they both want to be held all the time *smile* of course I had nothing to do with that! And then the dog wanting out or jumping on me or trying to get to the babies to lick them... and the cat chasing him to kill him. Wow... was it a tough weekend! Had to go work 11 hours to get some rest away from home *smile*.
Tomorrow is David's sentencing hearing and I am going to go speak, (in his behalf)the probation officer from the courts said she was recommending jail time. I gave her my statement and she said it was a powerful one and may sway the Judge but she was still going to recommend time for him. She says she sees so much of this and it is senseless and should not have happened. Part of me agrees but I just don't know and don't think Josh wouldn't want him in jail. All I can do is say my piece and let the Lord handle the rest.
Will let you know.
I love you Josh and pray the Lord lets you be with me tomorrow.
His lawyer (a public defender) seemed very glad I was there. And a little surprised, I thought. The prosecutor was none too happy about it though.
My daughter was there but we had the baby and so she had to wait out in the hall because he was jibber jabbering too loud *smile*.
I was called up on the stand to testify and had it all written out what I was going to say and didn't say much of it. I spoke from my heart and told the judge what I felt. She seemed to get a little choked up and so did I. She was asked if she was alright by one of her helpers. She thanked me time and again and said she listened and respected what I had to say in David's defense but ..... she has to do something and can't let it go.
The defense attorney asked me some questions and then I gave my statement to the court from my heart, my mouth dried out and almost quit working from being so nervous.
The prosecutor wanted to know where his dad was *sarcastic laugh here* and I said where he has always been in his life. Not there for him. He asked if he knew of the hearings and what would he have to say about it. I told him I had no idea... I almost said he has driven many, many times drunk himself so who would he be to judge David anyway. But I didn't. I didn't want to be hostile.
Then he asked what about his grandparents. I said Paul's mom was about 90 and my parents felt the same way I did. He rolled his eyes and looked rather pissed about it all.
He had a stack of pictures and I wanted to see them so bad... I asked if they were of Joshua... I was told they were of the car. I said I had seen pictures of the car.... he put them away. I think there may have been some pictures of Joshua... I wanted to see. But they evidently didn't want me to see. I don't know what drives me to want to see these things or know in detail but I can't help it. Maybe I feel I need to be punished for it or something. I don't know. I just don't know. The defense attorney said later that he wanted to flash them before the judge to say this is why David needed to be locked up and off the streets. And because I was there he didn't do it. That is why I think it was more than just pictures of the car.
Like I said I don't know why I feel driven to see them... just like at the accident site I am almost mad the circle they drew in the street of where he lay is almost faded and the blood spot is gone... it is his and I want to touch it. My son's blood was spilled there and it is almost all but gone now. Am I sick?
At times I feel I am going crazy.
Anyway it was continued until August 28 and I don't have to be there since I have already testified... the defense attorney said if I could be there it would be good for the judge to see my face when she passes sentencing. His lawyer told him to bring his toothbrush next time.
The prosecutor also asked me what I thought David should get then if not jail... should he just get away with it. I told him no but jail isn't the answer.... maybe long term house arrest and long term probation with mandantory talks to young people about the cost of getting behind the wheel after drinking. The cost was very high to me.
David was hobbling around on his cane but the judge said he needed to tell his doctor that they need to know something definate by his next hearing about his hip surgery. No if and or but's about it. The prosecutor is asking for 8 years with 4 suspended.
The judge also said to me she would NOT be as forgiving as I am toward David if it were her son, friend of Josh's or not. I wish I had said... but your honor... I was forgiven for killing Someone's Son... and He was totally innocent of any guilt or sin. But I was very nervous, scared and very sad so I wasn't thinking too straight.
Sad... so sad my Josh is gone. I felt him there if only for a little while. I even looked over at the empty chair next to me and reached out to touch it as if he were sitting there. I think he was proud of me for trying to help David.
I love you Josh and I am so proud of you. I miss you and as your birthday grows closer I feel a sadness so deep in my soul and I feel my heart breaking and cracking a little more with each day the calendar turns toward July 25. And I cry.
I got through Josh's birthday with sadness, much sadness. We went to the cemetary, family and friends of Josh's, sang happy birthday and released blue balloons. And then came back to my house for a cookout and celebration of his life. There is more about this in letters to Heaven. I just haven't felt much like writing in my journal. I have been very teary most of the time. I really think the second year without him is gonna be worse than this first one. The reality is setting in more and as time passes I dwell on what he might have been doing. As I watch baby Josh grow and do new things, I keep thinking Josh would have gotten such a kick out of him. And as he grows older, as we all do, I know I won't see my Josh grow older and I wonder what he may have looked like at... say 30 years of age. I will always remember him at 21.
This was posted in my grieving parents group and I thought I'd put it here..
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR
A sick man turned to his doctor, as he was leaving the room after paying a visit, and said, "Doctor, I am afraid to die. Tell me what lies on the other side."
Very quietly the doctor said, "I don't know."
"You don't know? You, a Christian man, do not know what is on the other side?"
The doctor was holding the handle of the door. On the other side of the door there came the sound of scratching and whining. As he opened the door a dog sprang into the room and leaped on him with an eager show of gladness.
Turning to the patient, the doctor said, "Did you notice that dog? He had never been in this room before. He did not know what was inside. He knew nothing except that his master was here, and when the door opened, he sprang in without fear.
I know little of what is on the other side of death, but I do know one thing: I know my Master is there, and that is enough. And when the door opens, I shall pass through with no fear, but with gladness."
ARE YOU A GRIEF VICTIM OR GRIEF SURVIVOR?
Being a victim is a state of mind-dictated by others, a survivor dictates their own state of mind.
A victim - fears the moments of grief, a survivor- welcomes those moments!
A victim knows about feeling down and tries to stay up, a Survivor knows feeling down is okay.
A victim tries hard to hide the tears, a survivor never leaves home without kleenex.
A victim struggles to maintain a state of normalcy, a survivor knows normal no longer exists.
A victim gets caught in isolation, a survivor reaches out when they need to.
A victim is afraid they in time will forget, a survivor knows they never will.!!
A victim sometimes feels guilty laughing, a survivor laughs through their tears.
A victim tries at times to block out the memories, a survivor embraces memories of all kinds.
A victim wants someone to cure their grief, a survivor just wants someone to share their journey.
A victim struggles to get over their grief, a survivor fights to get through it.
A victim tries to get on with their life, a survivor lives their life knowing nothing will ever be the same.
A victim says oh I'm okay- then secretly cries, a survivor openly cries- and says I'm okay.
I think I am a survivor.
Well.... what do I say? I haven't been able to put into words anything lately. It has been really hard since Josh's birthday. Very hard indeed. Can not even put my feelings down. I hurt and that is all I can say.
I have been hurt by insensitive comments from people trying to comfort. At least I think they were trying to comfort me in some wierd way. On Josh's 1st year anniversary date I had one friend call to check up on me and say "well you are holding up better than I thought you would be".. what is that supposed to mean? I was friendly to her and holding the baby and talking to him in a playful way while on the phone with her. I can't cry 24 hours a day everyday. And other comments to the piercing of my heart are "you are a strong woman, you are holding up better than I would be. I couldn't take it"... how do they know. I heard this comment at the funeral too. How do they know how I was holding up. Or how I am holding up. And how do they know (and I hope they never have to find out) what they would do or how they would react? They see me on the outside. How do they know what is going on inisde of me?
Thank you very much for judging or belittling my grief. Thank you very much for taking my grief and putting a level or some sort of grade scale on it. I feel like they are sitting in a row holding up cards, rating my pain: 10, 9, 8.9, 10. Thank you very much for adding guilt to my already guilty feelings of why am I still living and breathing?, while my child is in a grave.
But!... he isn't in a grave! Only the shell that held him on this earth is there! He is alive and well and walking on the Streets of Gold!! And I Praise my Lord and Savior for that and for making it possible for him to live again. I Praise Him for saving Josh and washing him in His blood. I Praise Him that I will see him again. Therein lies my comfort folks... and I feel very sad for those that have no HOPE like this. It is an awesome, wonderful feeling when the realization of this breaks through my pain and grief.
And I am able to go on another day.
PRAISE GOD!!! FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW!!! PRAISE HIM ALL CREATURES HERE BELOW! PRAISE FATHER, SON, AND HOLY GHOST!!!
Hello Journal... thought I'd just write a little. Nothing much to say really... just feeling a little lonely for Josh, as always. He is on my mind constantly. No matter what I do or where I go, whether it be shopping or work, (and those are the places I have to go, don't go anywhere anymore that I don't have too)Josh is always there. I look at foods at the store I used to buy for him and my heart aches. I hurt so bad and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it!
I miss him more everyday. I think it is worse now than in the beginning. In the beginning I was numb. I feel guilty all the time too. I had Josh as my screensaver and desktop (his pic) and just for something different for awhile I downloaded webshots and have kittens on it. It is beautiful, but I feel guilty. Like I am being disrespectful for taking his pic off for awhile.
I know he would want me to stop this. He was/is such a sensitive person.
I woke up in the middle of the night with baby Josh and we got up to watch the Jerry Lewis telethon for a while. I watched the tribute to the ones the died in the past year. Some so young. I hurt for their families, and thought of the years Josh had as a healthy child and young man and I thanked God for those years. I asked Him to forgive my selfishness and self pity. I have the Blessed Hope of the Great Reunion and I sit and feel sorry for myself and shouldn't. I have so much to be thankful for. So very much. I miss Josh but I know he is safe and alive and having a wonderful life in Heaven, waiting for the time when the Lord will end all the suffering in this world just like the Christians here on Earth are. On my tombstone I think I want the words "Waiting" on it. Waiting for the Lord to finish Satan off for good.
I know I will see Josh again and I think maybe he gets to know what is happening from time to time here, so I don't want him to see me acting so sad. It isn't what he wants me to do.
I believe when he died... he got to see the angels surrounding my bed that night and knew I was going to be taken care of and okay. I believe that was important to him. He loves his family very much and he knows how much my kids mean to me. I can just hear him now as he left his body saying "Oh no! My mom!!" And his angel told him look and pointed down at our apartment as he passed over and saw the angels tucking me in and putting me back to sleep with the comfort of the Holy Spirit. And he smiled his little smile and said "Cool!" and he knew I was gonna be alright. He knows I have hard days and cry but that is okay. He also knows the Holy Spirit is here to comfort me. He also knows I have baby Josh to keep me busy. He also knows I have a new job that keeps me real busy! *smile* And he is glad. He smiles and nods his head and then heads off to explore more of Heaven.
Can you imagine how much there is to explore and do? How beautiful it is there? I just got goose bumps thinking about it. And I get so excited about it I could jump up and down like I just turned into a pentecostal instead of a baptist! I am a bapticostal a lot of the time! I love you Josh and miss you bunches!
Hello again journal,
Been a busy and tiring last couple weeks for me. Two weeks ago Jodi got sick with a kidney infection and I had to take her to the hospital for IV antibiotics. It is her second UTI so now she is gonna be on antibiotics for the duration of her pregnancy as a preventitive measure. She is about four months along now. She is feeling quite worried about things I think lately... a little pressured and even though she won't admit it she worries a little about grandpa being disappointed in her for getting herself pregnant so soon again. But... it will all be okay..... we all goof up and I don't consider the baby a goof up.. just the timing. God is still on the throne and in control even with our weaknesses. As long as we turn to him for help, forgiveness and guidance. He is there for us when people aren't. Jodi knows I love her and am here to help her as long as God permits me to stay on this old earth.
So the next weekend.. last weekend, it was spent at the hospital again. This time with Josh. He had been throwing up with projectile vomiting for a couple days and Jodi called the doctor. We did all the things we were told to do but it didn't stop and to top it off he had bad diarrhea with it.
The weekend Jodi was in I took him to the Immediate Care Center because I thought he had an ear infection and they said he did. They put him on amoxicillan. 2 days later is when the vomiting and diarrhea started.
Jodi takes him to his doctor on Tuesday and he says "no ear infection and the meds are probably causing upset stomach". We stop the meds. A couple days pass and he isn't any better. Call the doctor again... he says gonna take a few days to get over - so by Saturday I said "bullcrap" and take him to the hospital.
They start IV fluids and he seemed to perk up. But here it is the next weekend and he still has some diarrhea. Not as bad but if no better by Monday... Jodi is gonna call the doctor again.
I get so aggravated by them (and this is why the immediate care center) because they treat her like she is just a young mom and panics... he gives all his mom's books on what to do with situations and he always says "did you read your book". If he says that to her when she calls Monday I will personally take it to him and shove it where the sun don't shine! I think Josh needs to be seen after all this time!
Anyway... everybody is better but I have it too now. Sheesh! NO REST FOR THE WEARY!
Now on another note... David got his sentencing and the victom's advocate called and left it on my voice mail. I haven't called her to see if it means what I think it means. But she said that he got 8 years with 6 suspended and he has to do the other 2 with home dentention. And then something like 4500 hours probabtion after that. And it is a NO TOLERANCE which I think she said means if he messes up once at any time during any of it... he will have to do the full 6 years in prison.
I guess the judge took into consideration a little what I had to say or he would be locked up in jail... not home. But it is pretty stiff with no tolerance and that is fine with me.
I have heard stories from folks that he and his girlfriend have been out drinking and they have been fighting and he (before the sentencing) jumped in the car and took off... I don't think he was supposed to be driving even before the sentencing hearing. Not since the accident. I believe he lost his license at that time. I don't know if he has driven after drinking but I do know his girlfriend has. These are just rumors but from people I believe knows the truth.
We have had a temp at work who lives close to and passes the cross (accident site) all the time and she said one of her daughters friends knows David and seen him in a bar with his girlfriend and they were drinking.
Well I have done what I could to help him and if he doesn't or hasn't learned anything I have no sympathy for him and pray he doesn't hurt anyone else. I will, if I find out, let him have it good if I find out he is drinking and driving for sure or if he gets in the car with his girlfriend or anyone else that has. Didn't this teach him anything? Being in the house all the time, probably except for work and doctors appointments, will be hard but not as hard as jail! So suck it up, David and thank God for the mercy you have been shown. That is all I have to say on the subject for now but he better not let me find out he is screwing up his second chance at life and living it right. That would break my heart even more than it already is. It hurts like nothing I can explain.
Work is going well but very, very busy... but so far I like it very much. It is close to home and being busy keeps me from going insane with my grief. I could very easily go insane I think if I didn't keep busy and keep my mind on something else at times.
Gonna close for now....... will try to write more often.
Good morning journal. Been having a real tough time the last few weeks. Seems to be getting harder all the time.
Jodi showed me one of my Christmas presents tonight... it was an 8x10 of her Jimmy and Josh and an 8x10 of Josh 2 thanksgivings ago.. she is evidently going to do more with it and wouldn't tell me but just had to show me that part of it. I cried. I gasped when I saw the 8x10 of Josh... it looked like I could just pull him off the paper and hug him. I wish I could. It almost looked like he could talk to me but I know he can't.
I have had a hard time at work this week keeping my emotions under control. Spoke with a patient that was just diagnosed with bone cancer. She said the oncologist said he could possibly give her 1 to 2 more years. I cried when I hung up the phone and then a patient I worked in for the day, a 21 year old boy with chrones disease was standing behind me in the nurses station and from the back he looked like Josh... he is very sick. I started to cry really hard and they sent me on a break. I went outside and just bawled for a while. Must be the holidays and with thanksgiving being Josh's favorite, well it has just been so hard. Last year I think I was still numb plus with the new baby, my mind was kept very busy. Now... even though the baby still keeps me busy (he makes me happy too) and I am busy at work... I am faced with reality... the reality that my baby boy isn't here with us. I miss him so damn much! It hurts so damn bad. I can't even describe the pain. it is gut wrenching at times. I feel so helpless to it. It is almost suffocating sometimes.
I picture him, or try to, doing things in Heaven. And that helps. But sure with God would allow me to really see him. I will someday and that is the only thing that keeps me from padded cells.
There are a lot of grieving mom's and dad's out there. We share a bond we don't want to share.
We have a new puppy. I think I got him for my Josh because he always wanted a big dog. He is a golden retriever. His name is Luke. Housebreaking is not my strong suit but I am determined to get him housebroken. A puppy and two babies should keep me busy. Jodi is due to have her baby in late Feb or early March. Wow two in diapers and a puppy to chase and try to housebreak! They say it only takes a week to do this... HAH! I need to crack down on him I guess. I am on vacation for a week starting today so we will see. You have to keep your eyes on him every minute and that is not an easy task.
Have a patient at work that lost her son 2 years ago and she put flowers at Josh's cross. His cross is looking pretty good. Got so much stuff there now people are gonna think he is buried there. The cross, his picture and a real nice plague and a vase for flowers! I figure we better stop now or the city may ask us to take it down saying it is a distraction to cars going by. All I can say is they better not take it down! They haven't seen a distraction yet! I'll sit there in the middle of the road with signs! I want him to be remembered by all who pass, even if they didn't know him. They'll know about him.
Jodi and Jim went there yesterday to put a santa claus hat and stocking there. She said as she was leaving there was a girl walking to it, at the time she didn't know she was going to the cross but she was. Jodi didn't know who she was. She must have known Josh. A lot of his friends visit it regularly. It is closer for them than the cemetary. He had a lot of friends. I hope he knows this and God lets him see how loved and missed he is by all who knew him. (I hate using past tense, he is alive just not here)
"When people talk about your (deceased) child to you, they think they're bringing you pain, but they're bringing you a gift." I wish people could realize this.
I miss you Josh... I love you.
Mom
Well, well, well.... she lives and writes again finally!
Been quite some time since I wrote anything. Just haven't been on the web much. Not a lot has happened really. I feel like I repeat myself all the time on here anyway.
Chistmas and New Year were uneventful. Made it thru it by the Grace of God. I still take each day as it comes. Breathe in, breathe out; put one foot in front of the other; sun comes up sun goes down.
Jodi is about to "POP"...she is due anytime now so we will have another bundle of joy! God is good to me; HE knows I need these babies. And HE knows I need my daughter close to me. This will make five grandkids now. So far 3 girls and one boy and we don't know yet what this one is. It's a surprise! It is kind of exciting... I never knew what any of mine were until they were here. They didn't do ultrasounds then like they do now.
My oldest son is living close but with his job and mine it seems we don't see each other like I would like. I spent a little time with him Friday night and his baby. She is so precious. Walking now but she looks too little to be LOL. She wouldn't let me hold her; stuck up daddy's butt! I am so glad he gets to be so involved with her. She is a little cupie doll!
Jimmy is thinking very seriously about joining the police force. Guess my thoughts on getting a police scanner is a no-no now. I would really be crazy listening to that with him out there working. I would be running to every situation.
My daughter was in a hostage situation once and the house was surrounded by cops... I got a phone call from a kid saying Jodi was in a house that was being raided (that is what they thought was happening I guess). I jumped in my car and flew there and got there before the streets were blocked off but there were cops and cop dogs everywhere and I flew around them and into the driveway thinking my baby was in there! And she had been but was safely out of there. But there was a man in there with a gun who had just robbed someone in the neighborhood or something. They didn't know who I was or what the heck I was doing. Jodi was standing by a policewoman and jodi said she was astounded someone whipped around the police and into the driveway. Jodi said "Oh no.. it's my mom!" I had guns on me and them yelling at me to get out of the car and raise my hands and walk backwards to them. I screamed
my daughter's in there!" The female cop yelled she is fine and with me and was telling the other cops who I was (I guess so they wouldn't shoot me!) And I was trying to walk backwards on snow and ice! I finally turned around (with my hands in the air still) telling them I can't walk backwards. They were also mad because I left my keys in the car and they had to go in front of the house to get them out of the car fearing the man may make a break for my car LOL. I wasn't about to reach for my purse or keys for fear they would think I was reaching for a gun.
Anyway that is why I don't need a police scanner if my son becomes a cop! LOL
Swat team even showed up but after I was safe or they may have arrested me or shot me LOL....
THE CRAZY THINGS MOM'S WILL DO!!
I would have gladly taken Josh's place and injuries if I could have.
But now that he is there he is saying "I don't think so! This is WAY cool and I ain't trading places to be there! I'll see ya when ya get here!!"
I love you Josh!!!!!
Mom
Howdy.. I have been so slack with writing but so busy it can't be helped. And gonna get busier! Seems like I am always saying how busy I am... but I AM!! NEW GRANDSON!! He weighed in at 9 pounds 6 ounces and 21 1/4 inches long! I watched the whole thing and it was awesome. He looks like his brother but darker hair. It looks like it has been frosted with blonde. Dimples in his cheeks and chin just like big brother. Mom and baby doing great!! He was born Tuesday March 5th at 4:42 pm. Momma started into labor at 5:30 am. It was a very exciting day. I talked to Uncle Josh in the labor and delivery room and I do declare I felt him there. I felt a warm feeling and it felt like someone was standing there. Could have been the Holy Spirit or Angels... I know they were there but I believe Josh was allowed to see. Or at least was being told step by step what was happening.
It felt like deja vu. It has only been 16 months since we were doing this before LOL.
We are tired but doing fine. He is a beautiful baby. Gonna have to add to Josh's webpage and make it brother's too or baby will have to have his own! OHHH... his name is Joseph David.. LOL. Josh and Joe! *GRIN*
Until later...
It's later! A lot later! *smile*
2:45pm - well as you can see I started to write at 1:00 and it is now 2:45.... interruptions every second! If it isn't one baby needing something, it's the other... or both LOL.
I have even forgotton what all I wanted to say earlier.. my brain is numb! And my muscles and bones weary and my joints ache! LOL
Had a liver biopsy 3 weeks ago or so... not good news... moderate to severe fibrosis. The viral load of the Hep C is high and active now and is attacking my liver. I don't have a follow up appointment with the specialist until July 9. I am sure he is going to want me to do treatments of which I have the geno-type that doesn't respond well to treatment. Just have to wait and see what he says. I would like to know the prognosis of this, if he even knows. I guess it all depends on whether or not the treatment will stop the virus. Or at least slow it down.
Would like to stick around awhile longer. I think Jodi and the boys need me. And Jimmy too, although I think he could handle it better. I'm not sure, he is pretty quiet natured. Keeps things inside. Jodi does too, to a degree. And my mom is really upset and worried.
The thing is the treatments make you real sick. Like a bad case of the flu for about a year. Worry about being able to work like that.
Well Journal old buddy... will keep you informed. I do have a son waiting on the other side but he doesn't need me right now. He is doing great! Although it will be wonderful to see him. I sure miss him. In fact loosing him is worse this second year than it was the first. Not that the first year wasn't horrible, just numb and now it is too real.
I want to live long enough for my grandkids to know me and remember me. I want to watch Josh and Joe play little league. (be nice to see them graduate, but I won't get greedy) Shoot!! Maybe I will! Ye have not because ye ask not! Well, Lord, I'm asking. If it be Your will.
Well again toodles for now.
this N that
LETTERS TO HEAVEN
Page 10 of Journal
SEE MY SON HERE
