Rachel's Story

My name is Rachel and I have suffered with panic attacks and agoraphobia now for 5 years. I developed anxiety while I was living in London. It came on quite quickly and has had devastating effect of my life.
My first panic attack was really quite traumatic as I was travelling on the London Underground and it happened to stop between 2 station due to a bomb threat, I was just sitting there when all of a sudden I had the most horrible feeling come over me, my heart started to beat faster, the lights seemed to get brighter and noise seemed to be amplified.
I really though I was going to die or at the very least pass out.
I managed to get off the tube at the next stop and I was trying to make my way out of the station and I managed to get a staff member to let me use the toilets. I was in such a state I just could not calm down, the staff kept asking me if I was ok and if I needed any help.
Finally with the help of a staff member I was able to get into a cab and go home.

After that I started having panic attacks every time I had to leave my house, sometimes I would get halfway to where I was going only to suffer a panic attack and return home straight away, or just up halfway through having my hair cut or leave trolleys of groceries in the supermarket. It became easier to just to not leave my house.
I didn’t know that staying at home would just make my symptoms worst in the long run and that the best thing I could of done was just to keep doing the things that I feared because avoiding the fear was just giving my fear more strength.
I came back to Australia about a month or so after my first panic attack, I was hoping that once I got back home to Australia that these weird feelings I was having would go away since I would be home with my family and friends. I met my husband Ben at the start of my anxiety and agoraphobia, I didn’t tell him right away as at the time I was still unsure what it was I had, so it made our first few weeks of dating very “interesting”!!! To this day Ben has been my biggest support and also my biggest inspiration in wanting to fight this and get better.

Over the past 5 years there hasn’t been a day that has gone by that I didn’t feel fear and panic, some of the greatest things I fear are being a car with other people, having people come into my home, being in lines at the supermarket, post office etc. being in confined situations or where “escape” may be difficult.

I have been to numerous Doctors over the past 5 years and most just wanted to put my on medication, which I wasn’t too keen on as they gave me horrible side effects or were addictive. With my current Psychologist we do whats called Exposure Therapy, which involves going into situations that I find anxiety provoking and she helps me cope by reminding me to stay calm, relax my body and the breath properly.

I would say that having anxiety has changed my personality, I get angry more often that I use to, I guess it is due to frustration of not being able to do all the things that I want to do and I am not very confident in myself anymore. I use to be a very outgoing social person who loved the company of other people and would be the first in line to do
anything new and exciting.

I an still very restricted by a lot of things, but I believe I am well on my way to recovery and I am now doing things and going places that I never thought I would be able to do a few years ago. I can at least see a light at the end of the tunnel and I am busy planning for my future, as I have 5 years of lost time to make up for.

Rachel