An Agoraphobic Christmas

We all have our own images of Christmas, and the way we would like Christmas to be – you know what I mean…the tree beautifully decorated and lit, well-wrapped gifts placed neatly underneath the tree, plenty of food all prepared and set out on the lavishly adorned table, family sitting together in peace, harmony and comfort. No stress, no fuss.

Well, so much for the fairytale.

For the average person, Christmas is a hectic, stressful time of financial drain, endless mouths to feed on a strict budget, late-night last minute shopping for those elusive presents that we really can’t afford anyway. For the Panic / Agoraphobia sufferer, Christmas is often overwhelming. We’re expected to keep up with the whole thing – sending out the cards, having all the gifts packed away ready, the fridge and cupboards bulging with festive foods, the rellies over, the spotlessly decorated home, the whole lot. Considering that severely agoraphobic people cannot even walk out their front door, most of these things are pretty well near impossible.

We often experience higher than usual levels of anxiety due to the extra demands of the Season, as well as feelings of guilt and the sense of hopelessness and/or failure. For someone who is totally housebound, the thought of buying gifts is completely beyond their abilities. Just the thought of all the preparations necessary to host a meal for the family at Christmas, can be exhausting. Yet, we feel that it’s something we must somehow cope with – we feel that we have to keep up with what’s expected of us so that it will be a happy time for everyone else around us.
That’s where the guilt starts to pile in on us. Depression, because we know that it’s too much to cope with, so we begin to despair. Self-loathing at the state we’re in. By the time Christmas does finally arrive, we’re usually in a very poor condition, both physically and emotionally, to deal with it all.

No matter how close Christmas is though, there are many things we can do to ease the pressure somewhat :

1. Focus on really putting the ‘ recovery keys ‘ the Correct Stomach Breathing, and Muscle Relaxing techniques, into daily practice. I find that the best time to do this is at night when I get into bed – I lie on my back, concentrate on the rise and fall of my stomach, and simply letting all of my muscles sink heavily into the bed. I do this for about 10 minutes – nothing else – and then turn over and drift off to sleep.

2. Keep on practicing your Graded Exposure ( getting out of and away from the home ) each day.

3. Remove any unnecessary stress from your life, and keep your days as ‘ low-key ‘ as possible.

4. Make use of the catalogues from the Major Department Stores which constantly end up in our letterboxes coming up to Christmas. Most of them now take orders over the phone, which are payable either by credit card or personal cheque/cash on delivery. This is an easy way to buy Christmas gifts, wraps, decorations, etc… Most Supermarkets have home delivery services for a small fee, and will take grocery orders over the telephone. Some companies are arranging home shopping via the Internet, with orders being delivered the same or next day.

5. Of course, if you’re skilled at cooking or handcrafted items, this can be another way of organising gifts. Many people enjoy reading magazines, and these are something you can purchase from your local Deli if getting to the larger Supermarket is still too difficult. Sending someone a magazine subscription for 12 months is a good idea too. Many magazines now come with Computer CD’s for the ‘ game-players ‘ in the family.

6. If you don’t feel able to make it to a family venue for Christmas, you can always arrange for either a low-maintenance meal at your own home, or alternatively, have an afternoon tea instead. You can keep things very simple with regard to food and drink, and you can stipulate the time, such as 2.00pm to 3.00pm.

7. If people ask what you would like for Christmas, suggest gifts which will benefit ‘ you ‘ – for example, Heat Bags, Relaxation Oils, Bath or Shower Gels, Hand Massagers (either wooden, plastic or electric), Vitamins, etc.


These are only a few ideas and suggestions. Basically, the lead-up to Christmas should be a time when you make the extra effort to get plenty of good quality sleep, eat well, decrease your anxiety and tension levels as much as possible.
Any effort you make to take care of your own needs right now, will make the Silly Season more comfortable and enjoyable.

By Verity Pollard