Others' Reactions
Because of your strong feelings that this pregnancy was your child, you may be caught off guard that others do not share this viewpoint. That is most painful when it is your close friends and family, but even a passing remark from a stranger can cut deeply. It could be that they don't know how to express their own grief so it comes across as indifference, or they could just not know what this baby means to you. Try to surround yourself with those that will cry with you and try to understand the depth of your loss. Most bereaved parents have endured insensitive remarks from people who are either unaware of the pain or trying to ease the pain. They may include
You can always have another baby. In the case of ectopics you can't always have another baby. Besides, you want this baby.
Your baby is an angel in Heaven. This may be a comforting thought somewhere down the road of healing, but you don't want an angel. You want your baby with you.
This is nature's way of weeding out the defective ones. When I heard this one I almost screamed. How dare a person call my child defective!
You're lucky it happened now rather than after you got to know the baby. I think lucky is the term least likely to be applicable to a bereaved parent.
At least you know you are fertile. That's hardly a comfort when you don't know where the next baby (if there is one) will lodge.
Why did you name him (have a funeral, send out announcements, etc). It wasn't a baby. Yes, it was. It's as simple as that.
I also had people pass harsh judgement on me because, technically, I aborted my baby. Those were some of the hardest people to deal with, because I was having real moral problems and a severe amount of guilt about the abortion choice as is. The best way I found to handle them was to explain yes, I am in favour of life myself. However if I had not had medical intervention both the baby and I would have died before morning. I don't see how that would have helped anyone, especially my other children.

You are Not Alone
Though grief is something each person has to experience, at some point it may be healing to share your experiences with others. The feeling of isolation may be lessened by hearing of others who have suffered similarly to you. I joined a support group for parents who have gone through pregnancy or infant loss. I also went through one on one counselling with a program that specializes in pregnancy termination. I found both of these to be extremely helpful in my case. Your personal support system may also be a resourse to you. Your spouse, other family members, and friends will probably be willing to be a sympathetic ear if only you ask. Many of them don't know how to help but if you ask you may be surprised at how often they are willing. For me, just being around people who were willing to use Lexie's name and validate her as a child was invaluable. If you are unable to find a support group in your area there are several online groups available to you. Check the resources at the bottom of the page for links to a few, and there are many more if you search for them.
Even if your friends are supportive they may be uninformed about grief and what you need. Sometimes you need to tell them how you feel and what you need. If they don't know much about ectopic pregnancies let them know you're willing to answer questions. You need to talk about what happened. If you cry, let them know they asked a good question. If they offer help tell them you need specific offers because you're not focused enough to assign tasks. Remind them that if an offer is turned down they could try again in the near future. Tell them you need honest expressions of feelings rather than avoiding you, cheering you up, or offering advice. They can't fix things for you. And, what was most important for me, ask them to use your baby's name. Each time someone does that, even now, it validates her life and lessens the pain a little bit.

Fathers and Other Family Members
This is a hard section to write, as I'm not a father so I can't speak from direct experience. But I think this is an important issue so I'll just muddle through it. When a child dies both the mother and father must be allowed the chance to grieve. However the grieving styles can be very different, and fathers may feel as though they can't grieve because they have to be the strong one. I feel that will lead to more problems, both for the father and the relationship, in the future. Even now, over a year later, my husband still avoids talking about Alexis. He is better than he was at first, but he is definately still very early in dealing with his grief. I believe this is because I grieved so strongly he felt he had to take care of me and not allow his own emotions to surface at all.
While women are allowed to be emotional, men are supposed to be in control. Boys are taught young to be ashamed of crying. Bereaved fathers accept little support, the grief may appear to be more mild and grief but actually it is simply invisible. The isolation can be stronger than it is for the mother. The five common styles of hiding grief are silence, secrecy, action, anger, and addiction. Often several of these accompany each other. A father must admit his grief to himself before he can begin to cope with it.
As a couple, most parents notice changes in their relationship after their baby dies. Some grow closer in their sorrow, and as they learn more about each other's strengths and their relationship may be strengthened. Others, however, pull apart because of blame, anger, or misunderstandings. For some this may be what breaks up an already troubled marriage. You may alternate between intimacy and isolation. Keep communication open and try to share your thoughts and feelings about your baby. Even though it can be challenging to deal with another person's emotions because you are struggling with your own, the long term benefits of offering support are beneficial. Accept that you grieve differently and heal at different speeds. One or both of you find yourselves searching for new meaning and explanations of life, or questioning your religious beliefs. You have to allow the other to do that. Events like the death of a child really cement a marriage or destroy it. Even though the last year has been the hardest of my life, it has been the best year of marriage we have had yet.
Your family members may grieve for the child and you as well. The baby's grandparents may feel especially helpless that they can't fix things for you, their child. When your parents aren't supportive avoid criticism, instead try telling them what they can do to help. If you find it difficult to be around other babies in the family, let the parents of the babies know. They may be more supportive if you are open about how you are feeling.

Subsequent Pregnancy
A pregnancy following a loss can be very difficult. Some bereaved parents want another baby immediately, while others insist on never having more children. Once you decide to try to have more children there are many issues that arise. The first is one of fertility. If there has been damage to or removal of parts of your reproductive system your chances of a pregnancy may be less. Consult your doctor for any questions you have about fertility. Once you become pregnant new issues come up. In my case, in the beginning I didn't form any attachment to the baby at all. In the time between my positive pregnancy test and the doctor's confirmation that it was not a repeat ectopic pregnancy I basically ignored the fact that I was pregnant at all. We didn't tell friends or family members I was pregnant again for several months, just in case something happened. However, after I had the reassurance that I wasn't carrying another ectopic I did feel better.
After the first uneasy month where the status of the baby was so up in the air intellectually I knew everything was likely to turn out fine. Emotionally was a whole different thing though. Because of all the research I have done on pregnancy loss since Alexis died I now knew uncountable ways a baby could die. Things I never thought of before became serious worries to me. As the pregnancy progressed, many times I laid awake in bed waiting for the tiny flutterings of life that told me I could sleep another night. I alternated between bonding with the baby as much as I could because I didn't know if they would be gone tomorrow, and resisting bonding because I couldn't handle the pain of it. The last little while was by far the hardest. I ended up hospitalized with an unidentified infection. I was obsessed with the fear of a stillbirth, I just wanted him to be born so I could see he was okay. Then when he was finally born he came out the darkest imaginable shade of purple. As the NICU attendants were working on him I felt my deepest fear had truly happened. For two minutes I watched them force life into my child as the world stood still. When he finally began crying I let out a breath I wasn't even conscious I had been holding. After an hour he was fine, and my fears were finally eased. Unconsciously throughout the pregnancy I think I was preparing for the worst outcome, we didn't even buy a new carseat until the day before he came home from the hospital. But for those still trying, don't lose hope. Alexis now has a little baby brother named Joshua Mackenzie Nathaniel, born June 15th 2001 at one minute after midnight. A healthy 8 pound 14 ounce little boy.

The information on this page is a mix of a book called Empty Cradle, Broken Heart by Deborah L. Davis and my own experiences.