You know you're an X-Phile when...
|
|
X Files Movie Episodes Funny Files Real Life |
...you get pulled over by a cop and use the excuse that a psyhcopath with a brain tumor willed you into running the red light... ...you're a police officer, and you accept this excuse... ...you spend more than 3 hours a week trying to get that perfect Scullycolor hair (hold the presses, it hasn't happened yet!)... ...you buy a hand gun simply to match the one used by Scully and/or Mulder... ...you use only "Q" target posters while shooting... ...you mourn the loss of a spiritual sister who was murdered by rogueFBI agents, even though you are an only child... ...you wear reading glasses like Scully's while at the computer, even though you see worse with them on... ...your friends start calling you "spooky"... ...you are getting laid for the first time in 7 months and you stop when a commercial for the X-Files comes on... ...you don't know the answer to a question so you mutter to your self "The truth is out there, the truth is out there." As if this answers the question... ...you name yourself after Gillian Anderson's daughter{Piper}... :) ...your room looks like a religious shrine with an X-Files motif... ...your teeth start aching, and you could swear that bump on the back of your neck wasn't there yesterday... ...you subscribe to more than ten X-Files newsgroups around the world... ...you think of the X-Files every time you see a bright flash of light... ...you stay up all night to write a "You know you're an X-Phile when..." list... ...you dress up like an FBI agent and go out, just to see what it feels like... ...all your dreams start with
something like ...they end with a voice over... ...you get a dog and name it Clyde Bruckman... ...you have all your younger siblings believing that they are in fact theresult of the government's experiments at creating the perfect alien/human hybrid... ...you think you are an alien/human hybrid... ...you think the government tracks you because you know all about the `secret tape' and what's behind door number 1013... ...your idea of fun is freeze framing each X-Files episode to try to determine and scientifically calibrate Gillian Anderson's size (actually this makes you a nutcase!)... ..you think you have a secret informant, they just haven't revealed themselves yet... ...you've been arrested for tresspassing on the set of the X-Files in Vancouver... ...you encourage people to name all their children and pets after X-Filescharacters, like you have... ...you become a raving lunatic every Friday right around the time you wake up... ...your hate for Kathy Lee Gifford and David Letterman becomes an obsession... ...you refuse to watch the episode "3" because it is the only one made without Gillian Anderson in it... ...you write "He is One" on your back in red ink, and wander around earlyin the morning to scare your family... ..you call people you know who smoke "cancer man" or "cancer woman"... ...you know the birthdays AND times of both Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny, AND of Scully and Mulder... ...you know Scully's middle name... ...you know her id number... ...you have tried to get a copy of Scully's senior thesis "Einstein's Twin Paradox: A New Interpretation"... ...you refer to Scully and Mulder as if you know them... ...you refer to them as if they are real... ...you feel as if your world has been turned upside down and then back right side up every time Scully and Mulder touch, smile at each other, or talk about drooling on each other... ...all the windows in your house have large masking tape x's on them. Not only that but you're actually expecting an envelope to be slipped under the door and won't sleep or turn off the light until you do although, you do admit to suflower seed hangover the next morning... ...you see a Nike commercial saying Just do it and you go and tell your Doctor that the government has drugged you into a murdering zombie... ..."X-Files is a catagory in your budget... ...you live in Amish country and you find yourself wondering where they hide their spacecrafts... ...you buy a package of Mulder's sunflower seeds even though you hate the things... ...you see a XXX Film and think XXX Files, three episodes... ...you start humming the opening score in public and dont feel self concious... ...you want just to believe... ...you and your boyfriend put on your trench coats and call each other Mulder and Scully... ...you can recall Scully's breast size in your sleep... ...you're getting on a bus (in Virginia, no less) and you check out the other passengers for large, suspicious looking boils on the sides of their f aces... ...you go into the computer lab at 10:00am to write a final paper, finish it, decide to check you're e-mail before going back to the dorm, sit down and look at the clock that says 8:30pm on it and the first thing that pops into you're head is I was abducted by aliens and lost time...what would Mulder say? ...you go to the UMASS library for the first time and notice a sign saying Skinner Hall and think X-Files!... ...on the night it airs you make sure you have no plans and you have enough room left on your almost full X-Files Vhs tape... ...upon seeing a post that Whirlwind is out, you drop everything and race to all the bookstores within walking distance... ...you're walking back to your dorm and see a Fedex package in the garbage outide and you instinctively walk a large circle around it... ...you ask the guy you're absolutely infatuated with how tall he is, and he answers "6 feet" and your first thought is "Hey! that's how tall David Duchovny is exactly!"... ...you won't go NEAR a porta-potty... ...you are reading a serious science article, you come across a reference to GABA (It stands for gamma-aminobutyric acid), and your first attempt to decipher the acronym begins Gillian Anderson. ...you travel to Vancouver just so you can get a glimpse of David Duchovny... ...when every time you walk by someone who says the x-files sucks, you either give him/her the finger, or yell something at them while throwing your soda at them. Yes, it's happened. I even got kicked out of a restaurant once... ...when you see someone with really nasty acne and run the other way screaming about bug infestations in their face... ...Everyone around you gets a fatal disease except you, then you catch it, and somehow manage to find a cure all in the course of an hour. ...you walk past 30th St. Station and are seriously watching out for people who seem afraid of their own shadows... ...the only reason you stay home on Friday night is to watch T.V. and you don't ever watch anything else on T.V. ever... ...you believe people that work at the animal shelter are involved in a government coverup. ...you stay out of other peoples shadows... ...you remember you always tried to get away from your shadows when you were younger, and now you realize why... ...you consciously avert your eyes from the checkout register before the LED display changes from "$13.95" to "KILL THEM ALL"... ...when you have to write a creative story for english class, and the first names that pop into your head are: Fox, Dana, Chris and Glen... ...you see a casette tape on the dashboard of your car and call the FBI... ...when you get a friend to stand behind a door while you and a couple other friends try to recreate the shadow effect in the opening scene. [Editor's note: In refrence to Dark Matter episode] After about 15 minutes you do it and the patient friend behind the door comfirms that it IS in fact, remotely, possible to have that shadow slip under the hotel room door... ...your driving down the street, the radio stops and the first thing you do is stop and look into the sky... ...you suddenly cancel all summer plans to enroll in an intensive Navajo language class... ...your legal first name is Dana and everyone gives you the nickname "Scully"... ...you see people who have taped their windows up in preparation for a hurricane, your first thought is "They're trying to contact Mr. X!... ...you take your new calculus professor to be a GREGOR and spend the enitre lecture considering what would happen if you pierced the base of his skull... ...you steal your neighbor's newpaper every morning for an entire week- just to cut out the "Fox Trot" comic, and replace it on their doorstep as if nothing had happened... ...you deny that you had anything to do with the big hole on the comics page of your neighbor's newspaper, and suggest it must have been a government conspiracy... ...you wake up in the middle of the night with a nose-bleed, and insist to be taken to the hospital for an X-ray... ...you decorate your room and workplace with assorted pictures of Mulder and Scully. ...you create a new folder in your filing cabinet labelling it "X-Files"... ...you compulsively read and respond to articles posted in Alt.tv.x-files, and go through withdrawl symptoms when you can't get to the computer... ...you change the message on your answering maching to "Hi, this is Dana Scully. Leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can."- In Gillian Anderson's voice from the episode "Colony"... ...you spend all ten of your allocated e-mail hours downloading anything with reference to The X-Files or seeking new X-Files links for your HomePage... ...you go to the public library with the intent of checking out all of the X-Files magazine articles you have missed, and are planning to scan the pictures... ...you purchase three copies of the X-Files featured TV Guide on the first day it comes out... even though you know your subscription copy will be there in two days... ...your friends abandon you, your roommates think you've been brainwashed,and your family institutionalizes you for rambling end lessly about last Friday's episode... ...someone at work says, "I'm so glad it's Friday!" and you respond with, "Yeah, it looks like it's going to be a great episode!" Then they give you this baffled look- and you can't figure out what their problem is... ...your watch stops and you get all happy about it!... ...finally, you know you're an X-Phile when... you dedicate the greatest portion of your Home Page to FOX's best television series!!... ...you find it impossible to look at a flask without thinking of monkey pee... ...one of your favorite pastimes is watching the new episodes trying to spot the guest stars who have been in old episodes before your friends do... |
