i need to get married, simple as that.
i am muslim, and i am trying my best to follow what is the "path" for "marriage".

this is really odd for me, but i still follow. i guess writing this, some body with more knowledge can enlighten me :-)

Islam teaches us, that we should try our best to keep conversation with women at an all time low. primarily to not harm our self..
usually talking can lead to things which are more aggressive in relations and you might end up having sex.
yes, you might joke, but if you ask around, usually this is how people get together or "date". and dating usually ends up to sex.
 

now, this is how a "formal" islamic marriage goes.

basically you have a guy, he goes over to a girls' house who he knows or sees'.
probably talked with the girl a little and they both know a little about each other.
 

the dude goes to the girls house, usually he is greeted by the father. the father does the usual hello, hi, etc..

then it's time to "talk". most often the first question is "what school did you go to"?

oh yeah, i almost forget, to enter the house, before hand. the guy usually sends a "type of resume" to the parents.
if the parents don't like this "resume" it's kind of like "don't even come close to our house/daughter".

anyways, seeing that he passed that resume test to get into the house, this is where the critiquing starts.

in the prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him) time, and a few hundred years after, usually they would ask how often do you pray,
how many chapter of the koran do you know, do you fast, and other questions like this would come up.

not like the questions which are asked today, and i'm serious about this too.
"what kind of work does your father do?"
"what neighborhood do you live in?"
"what type of education do your parents have?"
"do you work? if so, how much do you make?"

and other _very_ _stupid_ questions like this.

this is where i'm somewhat worried.

from a totally technical stand-point, i feel that marriage should not be about how much money you make,
or the size of your wallet , or what you own.

it should be your relation between the girl and your self.
i mean is this to much to ask for?

i understand that the koran is the book for all of humanity, but if humanity does not follow the way it's supposed to
does this mean i'm supposed to change with it?
i think not. but it's just really shocking to me.
 

this is what i "envision" for my self.

a.) if i get lucky enough to even have a "talk" with her parents, the conversation would probably go like this.

me: "asalamyalokome".
father: "hello son."
me: smiles.
father:"how old are you?"
me: 18.
father:"laughs with wife, a lot"
me: just watching.
father:still laughing wildly, "son, go back to your school, and finish your work, get a job, make some money,
get stable, then come back in about 4 years".
me: "whatever" and walks out.
 

okay, how many of you thought that this is "what would happen"?
like i said, this is how "most people think".

and i bet the girl wouldn't even say anything since she "barely knows me".

what gives?

okay, let's take scenario 2 (i really could do this "so easily" if i was inclined to do so :-|    )

a.) get to know a girl.
b.) really good,
c.) i'm talking "really good"
d.) nothing sexual yet, at least that's not part of "this plan".
e.) i know that "most" girls want to get married, i ask her, she says yes.
f.) i go to father, he laughs, i tell him to bad.
g.) i smile walking out the door talking his daughter if he does not cooperate.
h.) we live happily ever after.
 

now, there is the whole issue about "making money", what the first example brought up.

well. i really have no answer for this, those people that get married after 4 year college (ala` don't get laid), i really feel sorry for them
especially if they are men.

you ask why?
islam does not teach us to suppress our "urges", this is human nature, and in fact, it's a blessing from god to make love with your wife.
the prophet encourage love making with your wife, and to always "please your wife". like iirc it is sunnah to do foreplay with your wife. he,
also said that you are not supposed to attack your wife like an animal but play with them...

any ways,
i encourage early marriage, and so did the prophet.
i just wished other people thought the same :-|

back to the "money issue",
i don't know what i'm going to do tomorrow, or how much money i will make or loose in the future, the only thing that can decide this
is the will of god. some people like to this of this as LUCK. i assure you, there is no such thing as "luck".

everything you have has been given to you by god(allah), not by your own "wittiness".

you can think your the most clever person in the world but realize that allah is the giver and the taker.

and btw. for those that think in "numbers", again, i feel really sorry for you.
you probably ask why?
i say; answer me honestly, will money give you happiness, will it make it easier for you to sleep?
will it relieve your "inner tensions"?
will it make heart-aches go away?
how long does the love of a "worldy object" last?
please.

honestly, i like having no money, at least very little, again you ask why?

well, if i had a lot of money, i would always worry about if i was spending it in the "right cause",
and i probably would loose a lot of sleep over it.
and i don't get much sleep anyways...
 

I put my faith on allah, since he is the one who gave us our "cleverness" and i will enshallah follow what he has said.
because surely, everything bows down to him.
and he is also our creator so obviously he know "what is best for us"
amen.
 
 

peace,
akbar A.