Shortly after splitting the money between themselves from the last mission (see last mission), Ark lost all his money in a scam and decided it was time to start looking for more work, so he went out for a walk. As Ark walked up some street, a shadowy man popped out of a garbage can. “Hello little boy, want a job?” the man asked in a low voice. “Yes please.” Ark answered. “A band of merchants is disturbing my buisness, I need you to go out there and teach them a lesson.” the man commanded “Take No Prisoners!” *** Ark slammed the door open, causing Flux ,who was leaning against it, to sprawl across the floor onto Phil’s lit candle collection. “I got job!” Ark yelled in excitedly and in broken english. Flux got up and brushed the flames off “Right on. Dibs on the sword!” “Damn.” Jay swore. “Damnity damn damn damn damn.” “Where is Phil?” Ark asked, looking for Phil. “He’s right there.” Flux said, pointing into the shadows where Phil was. “Hi.” Phil greeted. “Where is it and how are we going to get there?” “Lets take me!” Jay shouted, and flipped a switch on his arm turning him into a helicopter, called the Jay-helicopter. *** The Jay-helicopter hovered above a merchant camp. “Is this the one?” the Jay-helicopter asked. “I guess so.” Ark mumbled. “Lets go!” Flux and Phil strapped on their parachutes and dove out. Ark, having no parachute, just stepped out and plummeted gracefully towards the earth. CRASH “What was that?” Merchant Guard One said. “It sounded like three males jumping from a helicopter!” Merchant Guard Two yelled. “How did you know that!?” Merchant Guard Three asked in amazement. “I saw them jump.” But it was to late, they were all killed by Flux and his trusty sword, the Fluxorrz. “Hi guys.” Jay greeted “Did I miss any damn thing?” “Just the coolest thing ever!” Ark screamed into his ear, rendering Jay deaf. “What was it?” Jay asked. “Flux killed THREE people with the Fluxxorz!” Ark screamed into his other ear “Wait, I thought you were deaf!” “So did I. Guess I’m not anymore.” Jay shrugged. “So now what?” Phil spoke up. “I just had to say something before you guys forgot who I was.” The three just stared at Phil. “I’m the fourth member! You know, Ark and Flux and Jay and PHIL!?” The three stared at eachother for a while, “Oh yeah, him” “I vote we go home.” Jay voted. “All who agree, say nay, all who oppose, say yay.” “Yay” Ark yay’d “Yay” Flux yay’d “Nay*slap*I mean yay.” Phil started to nay, but his vote was changed by Flux’s hand. “Well who cares!?” Jay yelled “MY VOTE COUNTS AS TWO!” “You STILL lose, 3-2.” Ark gloated. “Damn!” *** “Go to bed, son.” the mother tucked in her son “Your father will be home tomorrow.” But before she said “father”, Flux lept through the tent door and hacked limbs and stuff off the two of them. Flux kicked open a tent door (it was made out of some really hard metalic fabric) and stole the contents, three nickels, eighteen yo-yos, thirty spoons and three swords with Jay, Phil and Ark’s names engraved upon the hilts. Flux ran out to show his treasure to the rest. “SPOONS!” ARK SHOU-I mean, Ark shouted in exictment. “No, swords with your names engraved upon the hilts!” Flux corrected Ark. “My name isn’t Phil.” Ark questioned the divine wisdom of the engraved names upon the hilts. “My name isn’t Ark either.” Phil questioned the same. “My name isn’t Jay... I mean, yes it is.” “The swords are always right!” Flux screamed in a demonic voice “You will keep the swords! They are your lifeline, your best friend, and if the need be, your sexual partner!” Ark dashed into a nearby tent and started taking lives, Jay turned into a barrel and rolled down a hill and Phil and Flux went into the main tent. Flux kicked open another one of those metalic cloth doors and started looting gold, he came back to see Phil stopped over a crib, feasting on the innards of merchant babies. “Don’t eat those!” Flux scolded “You don’t know where they were!” “They were in this crib!” Phil defended his baby eating. “Oh. Then, carry on!” Flux said, realizing his mistake, and stepped back outside. Flux went into the next tent where Ark was eating something. “Don’t eat those! You don’t know where they were!” “They were in this guys ribcage!” Ark defended his ribcage-content eating. “Besides, Cannibalism is the only perk of the job!” *** Two hours later, the camp was completly dead and half eaten. Jay the barrel rolled back up the hill and turned back into Jay the human. *** Ark walked back up the street where he met the man. “Mission complete.” Ark informed. “Where have you been?” He asked “I was waiting outside of your house for hours with the lesson plan!” the man yelled. “I thought you meant kill them all! You SAID take no prisoners!” “I meant teach them a lesson on economics! They are disturbing my buisness with their total lack of economic knowledge! They were my employees” “Then why did you say Take No Prisoners!?” “At that point I remembered my favorite Megadeth song, DUH!” *** After killing the man and stripping of all his possessions, Ark went back to the house. *** Phil burst in the room, bleeding profusely from the eyes and ears. “Help! Some guy- Then I got bored of writing this chapter.
