Phil sat at his computer, searching for man-goat pornography when a screen popped up 

Are you an out of work mercenary?Do you need a job? Do you wish to join a guild?

Phil stood up yelled to no one inparticular “YES! YES and YES!”

“Wow! What luck!” Ark piped from behind Phil.

“What the-! I mean: how long were you there!?” Phil scrasked (my clever word for
screamed/asked).

“I was sitting at this table when you came in to use the computer! You punched me in the
face and stole my fingernails!” Ark wept sorrowfully.

“Well, should we tell the others?” Phil asked.

“We already know.” Flux and Jay said at the same time, from the otherside of the room.
They looked at each other and both said “Jinx!” Jay said something else, causing Flux to
pinch him, they proceeded to giggled like little girls.

***

A long heated discussion and three gun wounds later, they had reached an agreement. An
agreement that they will, in fact, join a mercenary guild.

“I’ll deliver our papers with our job historys on them.” Ark said. (authors note: I don’t
know how to make the é in the word resumé)

Ark grabbed his banana bicycle and rode down the street to the mercenary building, he
dropped his bike in the middle of the street where it was run over by a really, really fat
guy. Now Ark had no fingernails or a bike, his life offically sucked. He decided to press on
and go into the building.

“Where can I find Joe C. McMercenary?” He asked the secretary

“In that door... or that door... or that one.” the secretary pointed to numerous doors “You
really can’t go wrong either way, there is alot of them and they are all the exact same
person.”

Ark opened door number one, stepped in and fell. He fell and fell for hours and hours,
until he landed in the deepest darkest pits of hell, but then he woke up, luckily it was all a
dream he had because he had decided to nap before entering the door.

He opened door number one (in the Flesh Realm) and stepped in, he fell a few feet
because he was stupid and can’t walk very well due to brain disabilities.

“Hi, I’m Ark.” He said to the first person he saw. “My friends and I need a job, we all
have papers with our job historys on them.” (authors note: I don’t know how to make the
é in the word resumé)

“You don’t need a paper with job historys on them.” The man, Joe C. McMercenary, said.
(authors note: I don’t know how to make the é in the word resumé)

“Then I’m hired?” Ark asked.

“One question, have you killed anyone in the last 48 hours? Because that’s the only
requirement”

“Hold on.” Ark picked up his sword named ‘Phil’ (see mission 2) and stepped outside.
This sequence of events was promptly followed by horrendous blood curdling scream, a
few moments of silence later, and ended with Ark stepping back in.

“I also can recommend a few good janitors you could hire. So am we hired now?” Ark
asked in broken english.

“Yes you are, Ark.” Joe. C replied

***

Ark broke through the window and rolled across the floor, did a backflip onto the table
and kicked Jay in the face causing him to drop his cereal.

“Dammit Ark, that was my cereal!” Jay yelled.

“Great news! We got a job!” Ark yelled in excitement.

“Doing what?” Jay asked, mourning the loss of his Cheerios.

“We are members of a guild! Now where are Phil and Flux?” Ark asked.

“Probably right beside you.” Jay mumbled sadly.

Ark looked beside him, and Phil and Flux weren’t beside him, either direction.

“No they aren’t.”

“Then they are probably in the living room, now go away.”

Ark rolled into the living room, where Flux had Phil tied down and was attempting to steal
his kidneys.

Mercenary College is what they attend in the Mercenary Building!*

“Help me Ark! Flux is trying to steal my kidneys again!” Phil screamed for help.

Ark pulled a syringe filled with a strange looking liquid and jabbed it into Flux’s side.

“You now have AIDs, and unless you stop stealing his kidneys I won’t give you the
antidote.” Ark said matter-o-factly.

Flux stood up and put his kidney extracting machine down, Ark jabbed him again with the
same syringe.

“Its not really AIDs, its just Skittles melted down.” Ark drooled, and stuck it into his
tounge and gave himself a shot of Skittles.

“Anyways, we got a job at a guild. We start right now

Ark and Flux and Jay and Phil stood in the new recruit office.

“State your name and your age.” the boss guy said.

“Ark Flark the Third, I can’t remeber.”

“Fluxington Williamson, neither can I.”

“Jason McJay, Phil handles all this age stuff.”

“Philward Frederick, I lost all my memory sniffing glue.”

The boss guy shrugged and left.

***

A month later, Ark and Flux and Jay and the other guy graduated Mercenary College and
were at their graduation ceremony.

“Why wasn’t mercenary college mentioned at all in this story?” Flux asked the sky, or me.

*(authors note: I added it in up there)

Ark went on to become a mercenary at the guild, so did Jay and Phil and Flux (but he
became a heroin addict, and quickly passed that addiction)