August 22 2002
I know I make up a huge part of what my kids are. Not only am I responsible for half their genetic makeup, but I am one of the biggest role models for now. But how much do the kids make up what I am? Since I have become a mom I have become more patient, more cautious, and more tolerant. Most parents I know would say the same thing. But there's many more subtle changes that I haven't reflected on until now.
Today I ran out to the store sans children. This is something I've done hundreds of times before I had kids, and occasionally even since I've become a mom. But today I really noticed how lost I am without them. I don't know what to do with my hands when I'm not grabbing someone away from a road or breaking up a fight. The noise of the streets seems like silence in comparison to my monsters. My pace feels like running when it's not shortened by short legs or the weight of a stroller. My attention is not drawn to the wonder of nature that is in every cloud, every blade of grass.
Once in the store I'm not distracted by hands grabbing at chocolate bars. The cashiers all ask me where the kids are, and express concern about their health.
As I time this the kids are off destroying something in their bedroom and I am whole again. But this has disconcerted me. How much has motherhood taken over who I am, and will I ever be the person i was again? Would I want to be?

August 24th 2002
Ugh, today was the 40th Anniversary of the Boys and Girls club and we had absolutely miserable time, thanks for asking. It was just too hot, the kids were grumpy, I was grumpy, everyone was grumpy. It's a sin, because it was so well planned and it would have been just great if we were in better moods. The best laid plans...
Logan--read school

August 26th, 2002
Josh-- I'm done, here, and head. Tired of people arguing about my big family choice
Going to bed trauma
School stress