go back to where it all started
where do is taart?....i feel so...utterly...lost...i feel as though i am caught in this endless web of boredum and patheticness and asinine bullshit, and it all makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs....at all the indecencies and at all the lunacies. scream or cry....one or the other, seeing how the one is becoming rather routine i figure its time to move on to bigger and better things. has it not occured to anyone that i am living in BC working at FUCKING MCDONALDS??!?!?!? mcdonalds seriously...though its has its moments and some of the people are uber cool, its goddamn mcdonalds. i feel as though i am a failure, i cant leave until i prove something. and the retarded thing is i dont know who i am trying to prove it to or why it matters so much to me... ahhhh this so called life is wearing me down. too many bad seeds and pieces of shit have taking residencies in my life and its impossible to break away. to break my ties with them would mean i am destined to become a recluse, drift aroound feeling even more lost and alone. thats the biggie. i feel so alone...i never had that before. and dont get me started ont eh dissapointment, i think its time i lowered my people standards, quit expecting so damn much. but thats not in my nature either. it doenst help that i hopeless grasp these ties in alberta that clearly dont mean half or even a quarter as much to the other party as they do to me. which hurts. its kinda stupid that i let it get to me. people change right? they grow apart...gotta get used to it. it just hurts that i am now learning i dont mean anything to peole who mean the world to me.... i feel as though i have aged 12 years in one year. i am moving in on one year here in bc.... thats crazy remember when i said i would only be here till august and then until i went to eurpoe and ran a marathon...ha ha ha...yeah good fucking luck on either of those. i dno what happened to me.... i let life get to me. i keep picking the bad roomies. i need to break free. get a place of my own. do my own thing for a while. but its easier said then doene.... fuck fuck fuck fuck......FUCK!!!!! i hate the world today....correction, i hate MYSELF today and yesterday and everyday for around a year....
